Fragile Dream
by just-an-artist-pl
Summary: When Kurt meets Blaine, the charming, caring and selfless guy who takes care of a girl with a weak heart, he is head over heels in love but denys it. Blaine and Emma surround too many secrets which Kurt figures out day after day and gets closer to Blaine regardless. But does he want to know all their secrets? Even if it breaks more than one heart? (with supernatural elements).
1. Prologue

Hey guys! Welcome to my new fic 'Fragile Dream'. I was playing some Final Fantasy and boom I had this idea. I try to upload once a week but it depends on how much time I find and how much time my beta has! Thanks to Mags for being my beta! This fic is mainly Kurt's POV and it's also a kind of slow build. So don't run away if it takes a while for the boys to get close. It will happen, it will be smutty and lovely, but also heartbreaking. I hope you enjoy the prologue! =) The pictures I use for Emma are from the movie 'If I Stay' (thanks Mags!) (actress: Chloe Grace Moretz)

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><p>Prologue<p>

Emma always wondered what it felt like to run. Run until she couldn't breathe anymore. She wondered what it felt like to laugh until her stomach hurt. What it felt like to simply live without being worried about her own body, without being worried about her heart.

But Emma had already accepted that those were things she couldn't try. She had already accepted that she would never know.

It was okay. This had been her life for the past 17 years and she was happy that she had survived 17 years at all.

She was really happy considering how many times death had knocked at her door. She was happy, that her weak heart kept on beating and waiting for a new one. Still, there were things that Emma wanted to know, to feel. Things that had no impact on her heart. She saw it whenever she left her room and walked through the hospital.

People who supported each other, people who cared about other people; not in a doctor-patient way. Not in a way that requires some kind of responsibility towards a person. It was a completely different way that she had never gotten the chance to know.

Soon after her birth, her mother left her in the hospital without a word. Maybe she didn't want to have a baby with a broken heart. Maybe it had been too much for her. Then she was passed around from family to family and the same thing happened every time. Each family gave her back because her heart problems were too much to handle. No one wanted an almost dead baby.

Emma had passed out too many times. She'd ended up in a hospital too many times; far too many times for any of the families to handle. So she ended up living in an orphanage. She was barely 10 at that time. Of course, Emma hoped that things would change sooner or later. But they didn't. She watched all of the other children finding a new family and leaving; finding a place where someone took care of them in a way she had never experienced.

Wishing and hoping that there was a family for her too, she stopped that when he turned 13 and focused on other things that made her happy instead. Things like musicals and plays. It helped her through school, through the lonely days and also through tough times. She believed that because of that, her heart left her alone and just kept on beating, waiting. Waiting until the day it almost killed her, again.

She was barely 16 when they hospitalized her because of her heart.

Emma sighed while her brown eyes were focused on the small amber stone in her hands. _A year_, she thought, _I'm here for a whole year now and it's my fault._ The amber stone was her lucky charm. It really was and it was also her fault that she ended up in the hospital. She was young, frustrated, and knew it was forbidden, but Emma ran for the first time. She wanted to know what it felt like to run, to move her legs as fast as possible. She wanted to live, but instead she had almost killed herself.

That brought her here, but when it had happened, she was sure that it was over; she was so sure that her life was over, but when she woke up and found the amber on her small table next to the hospital bed, she couldn't believe it.

Maybe it was childish, silly even, but this amber had become her lucky charm since then. Though she was not sure if it was a good thing to be alive without really being alive. But if Emma was anything, she was hopeful; so hopeful that she dared to wish again..

She was lying on her bed and rolling the stone between her thin fingers when she did just that; wished.

If these were the last days, weeks, maybe—if she was lucky—months, Emma wished to have someone; a mother, a father, a sibling, even just a friend.

She wished for someone who cared about her in a special, personal way. Not because they had to, not because it was their job just someone who cared about her as a friend. Someone who took her out, helped her, and showed all the things she had never seen or had not seen for a while.

She just wanted to have someone with whom to share happiness, memories, life. Someone who stayed with her and didn't leave because of her heart.

Emma whispered, pressing the small stone against her chest.

"_Please please please..." _and smiled, just a tiny smile.

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><p>Most of the time, Emma slept. It was better for her heart, but it was also the only way to do the things that she couldn't do in real life. Well, dreaming about doing the things she couldn't do. Dreaming was wonderful. Dreams were important and special for her. But dreams were also just dreams. They were illusions, false hope sometimes. But she loved them anyway.<p>

A beeping sound—one that was different from the machines—woke her up. It was her phone reminding her that it was time to go out and join the other children outside. It was a small event for her, but one that gave her a reason to smile, too, and fill her life with laughter.

Reaching for the phone to turn off the alarm, she sat up slowly, braided her long light brown hair, and raised both of her eyebrows as the door opened. She was surprised because it was not time for her medicine or her daily visits from her doctor. She hadn't even pressed the button for the nurse to come. A visitor? Emma had no one who wanted to visit her. Maybe they finally had a heart for her? Unlikely.

Then she saw a young man enter, his smile warm and friendly, charming even. He was not very tall, but he didn't look weak like she did. His hair was smoothed down with gel and he was dressed in green and blue, but what really caught her attention was his eyes. Big, beautiful and having s similar color to her amber mixed with something else.

"Hello Emma," he said and his voice was low but calming. Unique but beautiful and it really calmed her down, though she should have felt unsure and maybe even scared because this man—no matter how nice he looked—was still a stranger. But Emma felt nothing bad toward the man.

"Hello," she said slowly and hated her voice for sounding so breathy and feeble.

She watched him come closer and sit down on the chair next to her bed, which was odd because no one aside from the people that worked here ever sat there.

"Ready to go outside?" he asked.

"Outside?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. That's what you want right?"

This was suspicious, creepy even and Emma felt alarmed for a second.

"Do you work here?"

"No," he said, amused. "I'm here because it was your wish."

"My wish?" Emma blinked, stared at him for a long time but there was nothing. No reason to distrust him, no reason to feel really scared. In fact something told her that this was right.

"If you want me to I can go," he began and placed his warm, tan hand over her pale, small, and fragile one.

"Or I could be your Guardian."

"My Guardian?"

The stranger nodded slowly and looked down on their hands, then to her amber stone and back to her eyes.

"Until the very end."


	2. Stranger

Hey guys! Welcome to chapter 1 I hope you are excited and enjoy this beginning! Let me know what u think!

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><p>Chapter 1. Stranger<p>

"I don't get it," groaned Kurt as he sat down next to Elliot on a bench. His friend didn't flinch or looked surprised. Instead he continued to eat and enjoy his sandwich. Weather-wise, it was a nice day with the warm spring sun shining down on the NYADA campus.

"What?" asked Elliot after he swallowed a bit of his sandwich.

"I did every move right and yet Masco tells me I didn't. You know, people say that Cassandra is evil, but he is... ugh."

"But you passed the test?"

"I did," Kurt sighed and leaned back, stretching his sore neck.

"Then ignore him. He's always a bit, well, unfair to the freshman, people say."

His friend was right, thought, Kurt as he nodded to himself. There was really no way for anyone to help. Their final exams were almost over and now they had a week off. Well, a week off of NYADA but not from work.

That was okay though. There was going to be enough time for him to catch up on sleep and even celebrate a bit. Then he had to study again for his last exam; the last exam before their summer break. And Kurt was so ready for it to be summer break.

"Alright," said Elliot, smirking. "Let's get some food and then get to the Spotlight Diner."

Rolling his eyes (because Elliot had quiet a talent for unprecedented enthusiasm), he stood up and they left the campus.

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><p>"Are you alright with Matt coming over later?" asked Kurt as he opened the refrigerator.<p>

"Coming over like coming over or coming over for a sleep over?"

"I don't know yet."

"Because if it's a sleep over, I demand some earplugs." His friend smirked and picked the last of their groceries out of the bag.

"We are not that loud," complained Kurt. He jumped when he heard Santana's voice as she opened the front door.

"We all know how much you've enjoyed sex since you finally got a taste of it. Don't lie, Hummel."

"Santana," hissed Dani who was right being her and gave Kurt an apologetic look. He smiled at her, not even wanting to jump on Santana's comment.

They knew it was true anyway and nothing to be ashamed of because just about everyone was crazy about sex.

They were college students, away from high school, family and boundaries. They were living alone and while at school, they met older, different people with crazy hormones still running through their bodies.

So, they decided to try everything they hadn't done in high school when they got to New York. And for Kurt, who had been the only openly gay kid in high school, this was his time to explore by dating guys and having sex. It was his time to finally be himself completely and openly without hiding like he used to do in Ohio.

"Ready for work, guys?" asked Elliot as he put the rest of their shopping inside the cupboard.

"Before we go I have an announcement to make," said an excited-looking Dani. Santana smiled at her girlfriend, while the boys listened with raised eyebrows.

"Remember how we talked about to start a theater club over the summer break?"

They nodded.

"I've got an e-mail from NYADA aaaand... during summer break we can start with the club. Apparently one of the other clubs split up and we got their spot!"

Kurt smiled so hard that his cheeks hurt and together with Elliot they walked around the table and hugged Dani. They wanted this club to happen so that they could study together. But it was impossible because there was already a theater group. Well, not anymore.

"The other club, their leader, he graduated this year and they began to fight over who should lead their club from now on," she elaborated.

"We'll get to sing what we want, dance how we want, and play whatever we want. Fucking finally," sighed Elliot. "No more boring classes and finally, something that will challenge us on a different level."

"It will be like Glee Club," said Kurt. Sometimes he really missed the Glee Club.

"But an adult version, Hummel," warned Santana him, though he knew how much she missed the Glee Club too.

"Well, we can playn this after work, okay? Because we are going to be late," said Kurt.

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><p>Elliot and Dani were on the small stage singing a song by P!nk while Kurt cleaned glasses and Santana balanced order after order to be delivered to various tables. It was a Friday afternoon, a time when people came to eat and relax after school or work, or even just to enjoy the singing waitresses. Needless to say, it was a busy time of day. Just thinking about it made Kurt's legs hurt.<p>

Once he finished the last glass, Kurt took care of incoming customers by taking their order and suggesting drinks and meals. Then he rushed back, delivering the orders to his co-workers in the kitchen before rushing on to the next table.

About an hour later, they found some time to breathe and Elliot came through with a song-list, giving Kurt a questioning look.

"What about this song?"

Kurt took a closer look and nodded with a smile.

"This is nice and it should keep the customers happy."

With a satisfied curl of his lips Elliot went back behind the small stage while Kurt sipped his water so his mouth was no longer dry. Turing back, he watched Dani do the paperwork under the bar, out of the customers' view.

"Hummel, can you take this one?" Santana came with a tray filled with dirty dishes and gestured to Kurt with her head that there were more.

"Sure," he sighed and took another tray and went to the table where three satisfied older ladies were sitting. They giggled about something and drank the rest of their drinks through a straw.

"Are you ladies having a good time?" he asked, taking their dirty dishes with a smile. The older women smiled sweetly and told Kurt that, yes, the food was delicious and that he was a sweet boy. Still smiling, he thanked them and asked if they needed anything else, which they didn't. Taking the tray of dishes, he was about to go back to the small opening for the kitchen – where the food came out and order and dirty dishes back in – but stopped when he saw two people entering the diner.

There was a girl in a dark red skirt, brown sweater and black knee socks. Her brown long hair was braided and resting on her left shoulder. But that was not what caught his attention despite his eye for fashion. It was her pale skin, thin body, and the way she looked so sick and fragile. Still, the girl smiled. She smiled in a way Kurt never saw before. A smile so out of place but honest.

Then, someone else caught his full attention. Next to her was a young man who looked far more alive than she did. He looked healthy with tan skin and a warm and caring smile; and the clothes... Kurt stared for a while longer, not even aware of what he was doing.

The man looked insanely handsome in his white top, which he paired with a dark green cardigan and a black bow tie. And those jeans – Kurt licked his lips without knowing it – they hugged his legs so—wait… Something else screamed for Kurt's attention and also hit him in an unpleasant way, almost like the feeling someone got when they started to fall for someone only to find out that said person was already taken. And that's just what happened when he saw that the girl and boy were holding hands.

Plus that smile and the way he looked at her with so much—Kurt wanted to think—love. Anyone who didn't know any differently would have labeled what they saw as love, but Kurt refused to for some reason. Instead, he came up with a list of reasons why they were not a couple. She looked too young for him. Maybe she was his sister? They kind of looked alike and the way the man looked at her could easily be interpreted brotherly love or something.

"Kurt!" It was Elliot who snapped him out of his thoughts and brought him back to reality. He remembered the tray, noticed how the older women were staring at him. Quickly, he went back to work.

"Is something wrong?" asked Dani as she looked over Kurt's shoulder while he hoped that he had not been too obvious. And even if he had been obvious, Dani was too polite and her heart was too big to put Kurt into an uncomfortable place. So she only smiled when she noticed the two new costumers.

"I'll get that," she said walking around the bar.

"Thank you."

He hurried over to Elliot on the stage, but couldn't stop feeling nervous. It was always normal for him to feel nervous before a performance. But Kurt was feeling nervous for a reason that never happened to him. It was because of a pair of honey eyes.

"You look like you saw Jesus," mentioned Elliot and Kurt laughed it away and to the mic into his hands.

"Ready?" asked Kurt and his friend smirked as he began to play and Kurt began to sing.

_When we were younger we thought  
>Everyone was on our side<br>Then we grew a little  
>And romanticized the time I saw<br>Flowers in your hair  
>Cause it takes a boy to live<br>But it takes a man to pretend he was there_

The guests began to clap and Kurt tried to ignore the girl and the boy in the meantime when Elliot sang the next part.

_So then we grew a little and knew a lot  
>And now we demonstrated it to the cops<br>And all the things we said  
>We were self-assured<em>

_Cause it's a long road to wisdom  
>But it's a short one<br>To being ignored_

They smiled at each other and then both focused back on their guests, singing together.

_Be in my eyes  
>Be in my heart<br>Be in my eyes ai yai yai  
>Be in my heart<em>

He waited, moved his eyes and of course he had to look at the girl. She smiling like a small sun and the boy moving his fingers to the rhythm, meeting Kurt's eyes.

_So now I think that I could  
>Love you back<br>And I hope it's not too late cause you're so attractive  
>And the way you move<br>I won't close my eyes  
>Cause it takes a man to live<br>But it takes a woman to make him compromise_

And then everyone was singing the last lines of the song with them together.

_Be in my eyes  
>Be in my heart<br>Be in my eyes ai yai yai  
>Be in my heart<em>

He saw the girl smiling throughout the whole song, clapping gently along and the guy always looked to the stage and back to her. Like he needed to see her happiness and he smiled even more when he saw her smile. It was hard to tell what this look even meant, but love? Kurt tried not to see it as love. But then, why did he even care?

They left the stage, smiling and thanking the clapping and cheering people who were asking for more, but they excused themselves and told them that they had to get back to work. Kurt was focused on the bar as he felt Elliot nudging him with his elbow and gestured with his head to the couple Kurt had tried to ignore. He had paid more than enough attention to them and only shook his head. Back behind the bar he needed to be around Dani, the only sane person in his circle of friends.

That was his plan, to ignore the two strangers but, of course, his eyes needed to look back again and again just to see how Elliot easily talked with them about something.

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><p>For some reason—he couldn't explain to Elliot—he decided to go to Matt's place instead. It was a silly reason and Kurt was too embarrassed to admit it. Hell, he had no idea why seeing this couple bothered him so much at all. It was stupid and senseless and the best way to forget this, was, making himself busy. Well, by distracting himself at the very least. So he texted Matt to see if it was okay for him to visit. Matt always had a way of distracting Kurt when he needed it after all.<p>

He went back to his and Elliot's apartment to pick up a few things to take with him (such as clothing for the next day) and left with a short, "See you tomorrow."

Taking the subway, he arrived 30 minutes later at Matt's place and already heard his annoying roommate, Katy. She wasn't a bad person, but she could be annoying; _really_ annoying.

He and Matt had known each other for three months and somehow they had become friends with benefits. _A terrible term_, thought Kurt, but it was the truth.

They were no couple; they were not in love, but they fucked whenever they could. Knocking on the door, he heard how Katy stopped laughing but cheered a loud and high – _it's Kuuuuurt!_ - and he rolled his eyes before Matt opened the door.

Matt was nice and smart and hot. The girls from NYADA were all crazy about him, giggling around him when he talked to them. They all were crazy about him, but no one knew that he was bisexual and that he wasn't interested in a relationship. Being a freshman and fucking around with the hottest guy on NYADA was a thrilling feeling for Kurt. Well, it was at the beginning, but it slowly became just a thing for them. And that was fine for him. He didn't want a relationship but he did want to have some fun from time to time.

"Hey Kurt," smiled Matt with his perfect teeth and perfect styled brown hair. His eyes had a warm brown and he was just as tall as Kurt which made it easier to kiss when they stood. Well, they never stood and kissed in public so, it didn't really matter.

"Hello Kurt!" sing-songed Katy as he walked inside and saw her sitting on the white couch, black hair done up in a ponytail.

"Hello," he said and tried to sound happy.

"We'll be in my room," said Matt because he knew that Kurt didn't particularly enjoy her company.

"Oh, don't worry about me. But you should come out sooner or later, you know?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and heard his friend huff as they went into his room. Matt's room was dark blue with a huge bed, a desk, and a closet—just what a college student needed. Groaning, he let himself fall onto the bed and heard Matt locking the door.

"Long day?"

"You have no idea," answered Kurt and turned his head to watch Matt already undressing himself. When they first began messing around, he wondered how he had ever gotten so lucky; to have someone—even if they were just for sex—with such a good body. He was constantly mesmerized by those arms, those muscles, and that long, thick cock that was perfect for hitting the right spots or filling his mouth in just the right way. But after a while, he stopped being mesmerized and just got used to it—not in a bad way. He wasn't caring more or less about his friend but it truly became just a nice pastime.

"Final exam? Work?" he hummed and climbed on the bed while Kurt undressed himself.

"Yeah. Anyway, less talking please."

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><p>The thing with Matt was that Kurt didn't need to talk. He didn't need to explain anything or even think about anything. They just hung out or fucked and he was totally fine with that. Having sex made him forget and relax and it was just an amazing feeling to not feel responsible for anything or care about someone's feelings—not that Matt didn't matter to him. He did, but in a different way. They both agreed on that when they began to hook up regularly.<p>

With Elliot, it was different. Elliot was his friend and he cared about him as if they were brothers. He wanted to keep Elliot close, but not Matt. If he started to keep him close and care about him, he wasn't sure if he would be able to avoid falling in love. Likewise, he was afraid that Matt might develop feelings for him and he didn't need that.

The next morning, he left Matt's apartment and sat in the Battery Park, watching the rain falling and thought about yesterday. Although the sex was amazing and provided a great distraction from the real world, his problems came back. Everything came back and he couldn't do anything about it. There was this mysterious boy in his mind, his eyes and his smile and the girl who was so lucky to have someone like him—someone who smiled at her in such a special way and kept his eyes on her like she was his everything.

Back in high school, he wanted to have someone who looked at him the same way. But that someone never showed up. They were all straight or not interested and those guys who he had been dating all turned out to be idiots. They weren't touching his soul, they were not challenging him. All they did, and he too, was make out.

And meeting this boy and his girl, well, he was not up for that. To fall for a straight guy again.

Back home Elliot was already up, sitting on their couch and eating his breakfast; a bowl with milk and Cheerios.

"I'm back!" he called into the apartment and slipped out of his shoes.

"Kurt! I need to tell you something!" said Elliot as he almost spilled his breakfast over their coffee table.

"What is it?" Kurt asked dropping his bag in his room before joining Elliot back in the living room where he saw some talk show playing on the TV.

"I met a girl!"

"I thought you were gay," he joked and bit his lip to stop the smirk.

"Not like that. I met this girl yesterday after we sang. You saw her right? Pale, thin, brown hair?"

Well, yes, but he was more focused on the person right next to her. So he only shrugged, not wanting to tell or even show Elliot that he knew exactly who he was talking about.

"She's sick, you know?"

"Well, she didn't exactly look healthy."

"I want to help her," pouted his friend and tried to convince Kurt into something but he refused. It was better to avoid growing close to those people. Not with this handsome, straight boy next to her.

"Well, you can do that if you want to."

"Don't you want to know what she has?"

"Not really. No, sorry."

Elliot eyed him, tried to read his friend and Kurt put on a face. A painful expression and let Elliot make out of this what he wanted.

"Okay? I guess you are having trouble with Matt?"

"Kind of," he said. Matt was always a good excuse because he was bisexual but he was not out as bi and Elliot liked to talk about that. Because Kurt mattered to him and he thought he deserved better than some dude who couldn't be who he was.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No. Not really. It's nothing and I'd rather focus on the theater club than on something I have no control over."

So he dialed Dani's number to ask her when she wanted to meet up. He needed to distract himself and Elliot because he really didn't want to hear about that girl and her perfect boyfriend again.


	3. New Student

Big, big thanks to Mags (afroblaine on tumblr) for the beta! She was super busy but she made it so I could post today. Thank u so much!

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><p>Chapter 2. New Student<p>

When Dani arrives–luckily without Santana because he really didn't need her third eye reading his face – he didn't even give Elliot the chance to talk about this girl they had met. She was sick, okay, that was terrible but it was not really his concern what she had. He didn't even know her and Elliot, who was always such a helpful person when something touched him, wouldn't even stop talking about her as soon as he began. And since he believed that Kurt and Matt had troubles he wouldn't bring it up again. Not with him around.

"I have really good news!" smiled Dani and Kurt really liked her smile. She always looked so natural no matter what she did. And her voice when she sang; he literally fell in love with it the first time he heard her singing.

"So, I went to NYADA and we can use one of the auditoriums three times a week for three hours…" she began, but was cut off by Elliot.

"Three times _and_ three hours?" Elliot asked and his eyes were shining – a good sign for Kurt.

"That's amazing. But isn't it a bit... too much time?" asked Kurt because three hours sounded great to him, but it could also be pretty exhausting and he still had his job at the diner. Like his friends did.

"It is," began Dani and joined them around the table in the kitchen. "But before we can think about that, we need people. So, Kurt, you are the pro when it comes to designing things. Fliers, posters, anything you can think of that might draw people in."

"Sure," said Kurt and stood up to get his laptop from his bedroom. He came back and started listening to the rest of Dani's explanation.

"We can start at the end of May so we have a little more than two months to find people who want to join us. We should also mention that it's mainly for practicing singing, dancing, and acting…not for actually performing in front of people. NYADA said we aren't allowed to do that because there's a rule that each club has to be formed for at least three months before they can officially perform as a NYADA-based group."

"Okay," said Kurt and started the program and opened a new file. "What color should the poster be? I think it should be something eye-catching."

"Yellow, orange? Something bright?" suggested Elliot.

Kurt nodded and created a yellow, orange and white document. Big letters on a white background would be sure to draw attention.

Two hours later they were done with the advertisements and he left them alone, saying he would take care of the rest. The truth was he just needed to get away from Elliot before he began to speak about this girl. Dani, with her huge heart wanted to know everything, he did not. On his way to the copy shop he thought back to the night he had spent with Matt. Usually this was the perfection memory to keep him away from other memories. But it did not and he became more grumpy.

This guy with this girl, he didn't even know who he was or what his name was. But he was ghosting in his mind and making him feel the things, a person felt, when they developed a crush.

Did he believe in love at first sight? Kurt wanted to but he was also realistic and had seen how the guy was looking at the girl next to him. So what was the point in even hoping to see him again? It was stupid and irrational and so not Kurt Hummel.

And feeling this way for a person he only saw for an hour was also not Kurt Hummel. New York was big and there were so many tourists coming into the diner every day. The man might not even be from New York. The odds of see him again were just unrealistic.

* * *

><p>His week off was exactly what he needed; time to do what he wanted to do and not study like crazy. He went to work, he caught up on all the episodes of his shows that he had missed, and he went out with his friends—met up with Matt—and simply enjoyed the distractions that took his mind off a certain pair of golden eyes. Together, with Elliot, he went back to NYADA with a smile on his face.<p>

"Did I miss something? Why are you smiling so much?" Elliot asked him curiously.

"I had a week off, time to relax and I feel better, so there you have your reason."

The approached the stairs and found Dani and Santana next to the huge door waiting for them. They hugged hello and went inside, walking through the corridors of NYADA to stuck there posters wherever it was allowed to do. Elliot and Santana gave the flyers out to each student who crossed their way. An hour later they split to get to their classes. Kurt went with Dani and Elliot was with Santana. It was time for his dance rehearsal and he really couldn't wait for it.

Wearing some sweatpants and a t-shirt, he left the locker room and joined Dani who was standing in the middle between all the other students.

"I already have three people who want to joins us," she smiled. This theater club was really something she enjoyed doing and he liked seeing her so happy.

"Do tell," he smiled back as they stretched and waited for their teacher.

"My cousin Eric, Molly from Elliot's dance rehearsal, and Andy from our history class. They texted me just a few minutes ago."

"Eric? Really? I thought he is too busy dating girls?"

Dani sighed and shrugged, both knowing her cousin way too well. He joined them when they went out from time to time but he was always hitting on the next girl who crossed his way. And the thing was, he looked good and he could sing which made many girls weak but his pick-up-lines were horrible. Besides, Eric was fun to have around and became very quickly their little brother.

"Well, he wants to be an adult now because he is graduating from high school and attending NYADA in the Fall."

"He got in?"

"He did," said Dani with a proud smile.

"Awesome!" grinned Kurt and then their teacher entered the class room.

Dance rehearsal was fun but also exhausting and he was glad that they had a period off after that. Together they went to the canteen and ate a salad together. After that they began to study for their history class, including literature, musicals, music and went to their next class. This time Dani didn't have a class together with him – she took guitar classes - and he had his singing class and then acting class. Together with Elliot who sat down next to Kurt in the auditorium and seemed to be super excited.

Kurt didn't ask why, didn't even get the chance to because their teacher, Alice Irvine walked on the stage and greeted them with a wide smile. Kurt liked her. She was a nice teacher and really knew how to bring the best out of every voice. He also liked her casual clothing and the way she wore her red hair. Sometimes it was just a mess and sometimes she wrapped a scarf around her head. Her blue eyes were stunning and the way she kept her students motivated was still a secret for him. But he loved it.

"Hey guys! Had a great week off?"

They all said something, cheered or clapped and Miss Irvine laughed.

"Good, so you are ready for some work, right?"

They all groaned and she laughed again.

"Come on, guys! You are all so talented. It would be such a waste to not practice. But!" she said and walked to the left and back to the right side so she could see them all. "Before we do that I'd like to introduce you to a new student."

A new student? Kurt looked around but didn't see any new faces. He saw Matt and Katy, waved back when they did and exchanged a smile with Matt. To be honest, Matt smiling at him became a bit strange. It was not the same smile he used to give Kurt and he was not so sure if it meant anything at all. Well, he for sure didn't want this to mean anything. However, his track of thoughts got interrupted when Elliot nudged his arm with his elbow.

He watched Elliot gesturing to the stage and at that moment Kurt wished the ground would swallow him. There he was again, this handsome guy he had met a week ago and looking, again, insanely handsome with his stupid bow tie and his eyes – damn his eyes! And damn him that he was – apparently – studying here from now on. Great, really great.

"Guys, this is Blaine Anderson. He studied in California but moved to New York and is now studying here. Aaaand," Alice happy voice annoyed Kurt for the first time ever. "Like everyone else did when they were new to this call, he's going to sing something for us."

Blaine flashed a smile, making the girls giggle like they were in high school and took the guitar Alice handed him.

"Well, yeah. I'm Blaine and I know there are only two months left before summer break but I'm sure we'll have a lot of fun."

"You go, Blaine!" cheered Elliot from Kurt's side and he flinched, almost fell off his seat. God, he hated his friend at that moment and Blaine waved at him, grinning stupidly. This was not happening, he thought. But it was and he groaned and smacked Elliot's arm when he stopped waving and Blaine was busy with the guitar.

"You are an idiot."

"Why? He is a good guy."

"I don't care if he is. Just... god, you know what, forget it."

Kurt wanted to leave the auditorium, do something else, talk to someone else, anything, just to not be around Blaine. It was like, whenever he looked at him his heart wanted to jump out of his chest and do something stupid. Something he didn't want to deal with. This guy had a girlfriend, he was straight and he wouldn't, didn't want to feel anything when he saw him. Or, just maybe, he interpreted his own feelings wrong? Maybe it was not a crush? Hell, no. If Kurt knew something, it was definitely his own damn heart.

Silence filled the hall as Blaine breathed in and then began to play a familiar song that had been on every radio station and music channel for weeks. His ability to play the guitar was not really surprising for Kurt, he was not the only human being on this planet who could play an instrument; but he was the only human being with such a voice.

_'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars  
>I'm gonna give you my heart<br>'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars  
>'Cause you light up the path<em>

_I don't care, go on and tear me apart  
>I don't care if you do, ooh<br>'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars  
>I think I saw you<em>

Elliot was in awe, everyone was in awe about Blaine's voice. It was clear, filling the room so pleasantly and making them all listen to him. Even Alice's mouth hung open and her eyes were wide, taking in all the notes Blaine was singing; low and high but always with such a strength and feeling that other could feel it. And Kurt? He was terrified and frozen to the seat he was sitting on. His voice... his voice was washing over him and finding its way inside.

_'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars  
>I wanna die in your arms<br>'Cause you get lighter the more it gets dark  
>I'm gonna give you my heart<em>

Despite the fact that he was an amazing, incredible singer and put everything into a simple acoustic version of a song, his voice did something else to Kurt. That voice was touching his soul and heart; touching places inside him that made it hard to breath, made his heart go faster and his body shiver. Like the feeling when he was listening to a song that just touched him. The hairs on his arms stood up, his fingers grabbed the armrest and he felt like he was about to leave his body and flow to the stage to be closer to this voice and connect with it and never let go. Everything inside him was reacting on Blaine and then, their eyes met and he stopped breathing.

_I don't care, go on and tear me apart  
>I don't care if you do, ooh<br>'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars  
>I think I see you<br>I think I see you_

Was he... was he singing to him? No, this couldn't be happening thought Kurt and tried to look away but he couldn't. It was impossible to look away when everything inside him forced him to look right back. Breaking this contact might cause something horrible, that was the feeling he had.

Kurt knew it the moment he saw Blaine at work. Everything inside him already knew what happened and what he couldn't stop. But he was a Hummel, he was stubborn and he had a lot of control over what he wanted to think and what not. At that moment his mind was not strong enough and he heard what his heart was saying.

_'Cause you're a sky, you're a sky full of stars  
>Such a heavenly view<br>You're such a heavenly view_

This was no crush. This was him falling in love. The falling in love when he crashed on the ground and all he could do was stare at the sky and smile stupidly. In his head he smiled, in reality he was terrified, angry even.

* * *

><p>When the class was over Kurt was the first one who left the auditorium, ignoring Elliot's calls to wait for him. He needed space, room to breathe and think because this past 90 minutes were the longest he ever had to endure. Too many facts to process, like, Blaine was a NYADA student, he could sing, his singing swooned all of them and they all, even Alive, were eager to know who Blaine Anderson was. And the most important thing, he was head over heels and almost stupidly in love with this, more likely, straight handsome man.<p>

With fast steps he left the building and cursed the weather as he ran right into the rain, hearing Elliot calling his name not far behind him.

"Kurt, will you wait!?"

He didn't want to. He wanted to run away from what he felt but he knew it was stupid and impossible. Running wouldn't help at all because the things were happening inside him. Science still didn't find a way to make some feelings go away or pull them out of his heart and soul so that he wasn't feeling certain things. Yet he stopped, knowing there was really no point in running.

"What the fuck, man? Something happened or why are you running like it's Black Friday?"

"Nothing happened. I just want to go home," he snapped and he regretted doing that because Elliot knew him way to well. They were living together for almost a year now. It was impossible for someone like Elliot to not see if something was wrong. He was always good with people and his open mind he saw things Kurt needed more time to see.

Holding his umbrella above them, Elliot gave Kurt a pointed look and waited for the truth.

"Home, okay? I don't want someone else to know it."

"Fine by me."

Back home and hearing the door going shut he felt the urge to run again and hide. Admitting to himself how he felt was one thing but another to say it out loud. Lying was no option because Elliot would figure this out before he even got the chance to finish his lie. Not like he had a lie prepared. So he sighed, let himself fall on the couch and his bag next to it.

"This is not about Matt, right? I saw you greeting him and you looked like you were okay. Actually, he looked like he was more than okay."

Elliot sat down on the armchair and Kurt sat up himself, letting out another sigh. Matt was the last thing on his mind.

"It's not about Matt. It's... about Blaine," he admitted and only saying his name made him feel all these butterflies again. It was almost pathetic how this boy, he knew for what? For two days? But what did he know exactly? Nothing but his name, that he could sing and that he was in love with him even though he was sure that the guy had a girlfriend. One that Elliot knew and it made him re-think if he should tell him the truth or not.

"I think he can be... a rival for me."

His friend raised an eyebrow, lips curling into a smile and the silence told Kurt everything. He knew it was a lie.

"God, okay. I think I... I have a crush on him."

"Yeah. More like you are in love with him. Saw your sparkling eyes and I was sure hearts were flying over your head."

Crossing his arms over his chest he began to pout and felt even more pathetic than he already did. Falling in love was not a crime, not at all. But falling in love this fast was new for Kurt. It was not like having a crush because that felt different. It was more like, when he closed his eyes he just saw those hazel eyes and heard the voice singing, singing to him.

"And he was so singing to you."

"Now you are being ridiculous. He has a girlfriend which means that he is straight."

Elliot looked confused which confused Kurt. He knew the girl, right? So he knew that they were a couple. Then, why this look like this was some brand new information for his friend?

"He has a girlfriend? Who?"

"The girl you've been talking about? They were together in the diner when we were working?"

Elliot huffed a laugh and waved it off.

"She is not his girlfriend. Just because they are close doesn't mean they are together. From what we saw they could be siblings."

"Yeah, because his heart-eyes towards her is totally something siblings do."

"He just takes care of her. He is a good friend."

Annoyance was pulling at his nerves, forming words and Kurt was ready to snap at his friend but decided that it was not fair. It was not Elliot's fault that—yet again—he fell in love with someone who was straight.

"Did they tell you this? Why are you so sure about that?"

"They did not tell me this. I don't know those guys. But from what I saw and heard they are anything but a couple. Honestly, Kurt, he can't be straight."

He hated this, labeling people because of their looks or how they acted. Still, Elliot had a point but Kurt refused to believe in this and keep his hopes up. There was still this girl and they way he looked at her. For him this was clearly something more than friendship. Or maybe, and he really hated admitting that, he was wrong and couldn't read people as good as he wished he would.

"So, you don't know if they are together and neither do I. Let's just drop it and forget it, okay?"

"Kurt, he was singing to you."

Okay, that was enough.

"He was not, Elliot. And forgive me if I can't be positive about this because from what I know he is straight and has a girlfriend. I won't make a fool of myself and fall for him just because-" he stopped himself before he spilled too much. "I've been through this and I don't want that again. It just hurts, okay? It hurts to fall for someone who will never return or understand your feelings. And, no, I don't want to ask him or you to figure this out. Just... don't."

* * *

><p>He had left the living room and locked himself inside his room, screaming into his pillow and feeling miserable for being so mean to his friend. The truth was, he didn't want to know the truth. Knowing the truth meant to get hurt or figure out how to get this boy and Kurt was not ready that. Many reason flew through his mind why not. He had Matt, who was not his boyfriend but exactly what he needed. No responsibilities, no pressure, just them having a good time and forget the world for some hours.<p>

Kurt huffed, that was not the true reason why he didn't want know if Blaine had a girlfriend or was even straight at all. It was more about that someone like Blaine, who could sing so good and win people with a simple smile would never be interested in him. He was not such a person. He was a struggling student, trying his best and always getting judged for his voice.

Only his friends and Alice treated him like he was something special when he began to study at NYADA. Why would Blaine? He was on a total different level, different world with his good looks and everything. Yes, he felt small compared to Blaine and he hated to feel like that. He had never felt like that since he graduated from high school. And it was not the 'feeling small' feeling like he was not good enough for Blaine. It was more like he wondered how to get this high were Blaine was. It was the kind of feeling that they could never be equal.

"Reasons, huh? More like excuses," he said to himself as he was lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. He was just scared to get hurt and he really, really didn't need that right now. For once it felt like he was succeeding at NYADA. Last December he almost failed through all his final exams and only passed a second time. Those days were horrible. He didn't sleep much, only ate when Elliot forced him to and kept on studying and studying. This was his dream after all. Performing; preferably on stage in a theater or maybe Broadway.

Blaine seemed to have it all and Kurt feared the moment he realized that Kurt was nothing special compared to him. That he, unlike others, needed to work as twice as hard. Because he was special; just a different kind of special. But this didn't really matter. Blaine was straight, so Kurt forced his mind to stop thinking.

Around the evening he left his room and apologized to Elliot for his behavior. They agreed on not bringing this up again and just... wait and see how it goes. Nevertheless, Blaine was a NYADA student and in one of Kurt's classes. So he would see him again and again and maybe talk to him at some point.


	4. Distraction

Chapter 3. Distraction

That night had been horrible. Kurt had woken up several times because he had far too many thoughts running through his mind. He'd had enough and told himself to just accept the fact that Blaine was straight, that he didn't need to prove anything to anyone but himself. He was special. He was good. What he feared, however, was simply getting hurt because he felt things that would never reach the heart of the straight boy.

Nodding to himself, he left the bathroom and ate breakfast together with Elliot before they went to NYADA together.

Kurt Hummel had a new mission: rocking his exams and avoiding Blaine Anderson. He paid extra attention in all of his classes, studied in his free time, and made sure he kept a lot distance between himself and Blaine—which wasn't that hard as it turned out. NYADA was big, so he found places to go and other people were constantly surrounding Blaine. Within a week he had managed to charm everyone—literally everyone. Girls and boys were crazy about him and he gave them his charming smile, helped them whenever he could.

He was like the perfect friend and student who knew how to dance, sing, and charm people. It was like he knew everything and it annoyed Kurt how perfect he seemed. Everything about Blaine annoyed Kurt because he couldn't have that... him. And he hated the fact that he wanted Blaine. But this wish was hidden, somewhere in the corner of his mind and he hoped it would never come out again.

Santana and Elliot wanted to be friends with Blaine, because he was so amazing and nice. Well, Elliot was blown away that Blaine could play several different instruments just like he did, and Santana thought he was an amazing singer and dancer like she was. Kurt was just glad that Dani didn't fall for him. Oh no, she liked him too, but Dani was thinking with her heart that's why she understood Kurt and why he didn't want to get closer to Blaine.

He hoped that this feeling stopped existing in some weeks, maybe days. However, something told him that this was not going to happen anytime soon.

When Kurt walked through the hallways of NYADA and heard the people who were talking to Blaine he couldn't always look away. Sometimes, he sat in a corner and read whatever he needed to read for his final exams and watched Blaine; his charming smile, his small figure but yet looking so much bigger than anyone else. His voice and words, everything seemed so nice and charming. Blaine was perfect, perfect for him. All the other guys he had met, thought they were it. They thought no one could be better, but they all were a joke compared to this right in front of his eyes.

And Blaine Anderson did this thing that really confused Kurt. When they had their singing class Blaine always sang to Kurt, or at least kept his eyes on him. The many times they passed each other through the hallways he also looked at Kurt before giving the person who was talking to him his full attention. That was rather confusing him.

"He's looking at you, again," mentioned Dani when they were sitting in the canteen eating lunch together. Kurt looked up, behind her and saw Blaine sitting with Katy—why with Katy—and Elliott and some people he couldn't remember their name.

"I know. I don't know why though."

"Maybe he wants to be friends with us, you know?"

Kurt eyed her, swirling his fork through his salad as he did so.

"Did Elliott tell you that?" he asked.

"It was Santana. She talks about how she wants us to go out with Blaine and have some fun."

Kurt laughed, a not happy laugh.

"Not gonna happen. If I get drunk I might do something stupid and screw everything up."

Whenever he was drunk, Kurt became carefree and just followed his instincts, which usually meant he ended up dancing with any and every guy he considered remotely attractive. Blaine was both and straight and Kurt was not going to be the one who made everything awkward while his friends came along with him.

"Are they that bad? Your feelings for him?"

"I don't know to be honest," he sighed, glad that he had a friend like her. It was easy to talk to Dani about anything because she never spilled anything. Even that one time when he had a one night stand and the guy suddenly turned out to be super creepy she was the one picking him up and never told anyone about that. Luckily because it was one of the most embarrassing things he did.

"I just... want to focus on NYADA and not on impressing a straight guy. He is straight, Dani, whatever I feel for him is pointless."

She looked down, thought and looked back up again.

"You'll find someone else. What about Matt though?"

She took a bite of her chicken and Kurt sighed. Matt had changed, Kurt had to admit that and it was not a change he really liked. Every day, he got a text from him asking if he had time for coffee or something and Kurt was not up for fucking every day. But he had a feeling like that was not what Matt actually wanted.

"Matt is basically in the closet and I'm out and proud. I don't have any romantic feelings for him, either. And Katy is a pain in the ass."

"She is, right?" gasped Dani, her eyes widening. He loved that about her too, the classy gossip. "I have acting classes with her and there is this boy, Oscar, and he is pretty talented but she just throws so much shit at him for no reason."

Kurt made a face, knowing how obnoxious she could be. One time she told Matt what she hated about his hair for twenty minutes straight. Like, it was none of her business, but she liked to turn something into her business.

"She hates being ignored. Luckily she is not interested in me because I'm together with Santana who she actually respects."

"No one wants Santana as an enemy," Kurt said and Dani laughed both knowing this was true.

"Oh, did I tell you that Eric will be moving to New York? Around May?"

"Really?"

"Yeah and I need to ask you to do me a favor."

Kurt looked at her, eyebrows raised and giving her his whole attention.

"He still doesn't have an apartment and he's refusing to dorm, so he'll be living with us temporarily but I know he'll easily get easily bored with us and be on his way in no time."

"Of course he can come over to our place," smiled Kurt and answered her question for she could say it.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>A week later, and countless nights of studying for Music History and singing the same song over and over again, he agreed to finally meet with Matt. Firstly, he needed some distraction and a break and second, Matt was the only person who could distract him from thinking about Blaine Anderson. Unfortunately, even after a week nothing changed. His feelings remained the same and Blaine still stared at him whenever he could.<p>

It was hard to tell what his looks even meant, or if they even meant anything at all. Maybe he just stared at him because Kurt's voice was unusual or because Elliott or Santana said something about him and Blaine knew that he was the Kurt they were talking about. He didn't know for sure and he and Elliott were not talking about Blaine. There was also no time to really talk about their day because they studied when they were back home or had to work anyway.

Today was his free day and he went to the coffee shop he and his friends visited almost every morning. The coffee was good and not expensive. Finally at the counter he ordered himself a non-fat-mocha and smiled at the girl he knew by now. She flashed him a smile back and as Kurt wanted to take his wallet out but it was not in his back pocket. He checked the front, the pockets of his jacket, even felt for money but he had none.

"Are you okay, Kurt?" asked Maria, the girl behind the counter.

"Uh, I guess I forgot my wallet I-"

"I've got it," he heard a voice behind him, one that let the fire in his stomach burn again. Turning around he saw Blaine, who was smiling at Kurt and passing him to pay at the counter. His eyes were glued on Blaine, watching his profile, his jaw, the small ears and the long, pretty eyelashes. Everything, he inhaled everything he saw for the seconds he got the chance to.

"Here," smiled Blaine at him and handed Kurt his cup. Again his eyes stared at Kurt, big, beautiful golden eyes and didn't look away.

"Uh... thanks," said Kurt, watching a while longer the show of gold and green.

"You're Kurt, right?" he asked and his voice was so smooth, so... it just sounded so good that he needed a moment to answer.

"Yeah, Elliott's friend and roommate."

"Right… He talks a lot about you," smiled the other and Kurt made a mental note to tell Elliott that he should stop doing that. He didn't want to get closer to Blaine and he already was ready to say thanks again and go.

"Your voice is really beautiful. I enjoy it a lot when you sing in our singing classes."

Never in his life had a straight guy said that to him. All he heard was that his voice as too high and he, his whole being not male enough. But here stood the boy who stole his heart with just one glance, saying that Kurt's voice was beautiful. And Kurt just stared at him.

"Thanks, I guess," but then looked away: "Sorry I'm kind of busy. See you," as he felt his cheeks starting to burn. He left the line, sat down at an empty table and didn't have to wait for too long because Matt already walked inside. Flashing Kurt a smile he hugged him hello and told him he would get some coffee for himself and left. The clear view let him see Blaine was already gone.

His mind was jumping from guilty thoughts to sanity and back. Guilt because he murmured a thank you and then literally escaped to keep the distance he needed when Blaine was around. Breathing in and out he waited for his feelings to vanish, go to the place where he kept them for a week now. Matt was back any second, helping Kurt with music history – because he was so good at that – and he would forget all of that in a heartbeat.

But he was not forgetting Blaine and how he paid for his coffee and stared at him. How he said he thought Kurt's voice was beautiful. Not too high, not weird, but beautiful. God, he wanted to make happy kicky feet about that, giggle and smirk like an idiot but he did not. That was not the right way to react, otherwise he would fall for that boy; that _straight_ boy.

Even when Matt talked and talked about the most important music pieces of history all he could think of was gold and green, shining right into his own eyes. The groan inside his throat fell out of his mouth.

"It's not that hard, Kurt, really," smiled Matt and squeezed his shoulder.

"No, sorry. It's not that. I'm just not in the right head space today," he confessed and watched Matt closing the book, leaning back in his chair.

"Don't worry about your finals. You'll do great," smiled Matt and Kurt smiled back only because he was glad that his behavior or thoughts were not obvious.

"Yeah. I've studied so much so I guess I'll be fine. I just need a break I guess."

"Maybe," Kurt looked up when he heard Matt's voice going soft and stared at the beautiful face. But that's what it was. All Matt really was to him was perfect teeth, perfect brown hair, pretty eyes—something beautiful to look at, but nothing more. He felt nothing compared to how things were when he saw Blaine.

"We could go to my place if you want to. Katy is doing something with her friends."

That was his way to say _'Let's go and fuck'_ and Kurt was really not in the mood for that. Not after meeting Blaine and seeing those eyes so close. His eyes went down to the cup, fingers touching the surface of it and he felt a shiver running over his skin when he remembered that Blaine had held this cup. God, this was getting ridiculous since when did he shiver because someone touched the cup he was holding?

"I'm not in the mood, sorry."

Matt tried to hide his disappointment but, of course, nodded. He never forced Kurt to anything and always made sure they both wanted it. Thinking about this he was, really, the perfect gentleman and a good person. Not only did he help Kurt he also made sure to help others and never seemed to be a selfish or careless person – though he had everything.

I wish it was him and not Blaine, thought Kurt and he really meant it. Falling for Matt would be so much easier because he, at least, was bisexual and interested in Kurt at some point. Blaine was straight so no chance there. Of course there were those guys who tried things out but Kurt wanted it all or nothing, which made him almost laugh, because what he and Matt had was nothing of that. Not all and not really nothing. Yep, just friends with benefits.

"You look really exhausted, Kurt. Maybe take the day off and just sleep?"

"I guess I'll do that."

Because sleep had not been his friend since Blaine entered NYADA.

* * *

><p>For the next few weeks, Kurt did nothing but study and work with a lot of naps and sleep in between. Luckily, he wasn't the only one because his friends were on board with him, like almost every other student on NYADA. It was also easier for him to focus on his school stuff because Blaine was not at NYADA for the past weeks. Elliott mentioned something about him having other responsibilities and not needing to attend the exams because he already passed them. Well, who even knew if he was a freshman anyways? Kurt had absolutely no idea because he didn't ask.<p>

The important thing was that he stay focused on his coursework. He needed to rock his exams because, while theory was not difficult, he needed to work twice as hard for his practical exams.

His first exam, which was singing, went perfectly. He knew all the words, hit every note and Alice smiled at him with so much pride.

It was the first week of May and though Kurt felt pretty exhausted and like he needed to sleep for years, he had a good feeling about his exams. His last exam for the spring semester was Music History which he enjoyed but only the part about Broadway or plays he was interested in. Of course, this class also included people, plays, and musicians. It definitely wasn't his favorite class. Matt was a great help though and so was Dani. He made a mental note to give them a gift to thank them for all of their help.

He exhaled when he left the building and felt all the weight falling from his shoulders. No more studying for at least two months and he felt amazing. Now all he had to focus on was work and the theater group three times a week. Walking down the stairs and crossing the rest of the campus he smiled when he saw Dani waiting for him together with Matt.

"Finally! It's over!" groaned Kurt and hugged her while she giggled: "No more boring classes with Professor Diano." He hugged Matt, too, and together they left the campus.

"Eric is coming today and Santana and I want you and Elliot to come over later. Exams are over so I think we deserve a little celebration."

"Sounds good," said Kurt as they turned to the right and walked down the streets of New York. At the beginning New York was awesome but also pretty loud. All the people and cars, it was almost too crowded. But he got used to it, not even noticing all the noises anymore and learned to create some room for himself to breath, like Elliot taught him.

"Of course you are invited too, Matt," smiled Dani at him and Kurt looked from his right to his left where his friend was, walking beside him. His lips formed into a charming smile and, like so many times in the past week, he didn't feel the need to lean over and kiss him. It was another charming smile he wanted to kiss and it belonged to someone else.

Ugh, he thought, don't think about him.

"I'd love to but I have to work tonight," he said, which was completely fine by Kurt. Not to get it wrong, he really enjoyed the time with Matt because it was the perfect distraction but Matt was just acting... weird. Not in a bad way but... weird. He was more attentive, he was more charming, hell, he was more complicated and Kurt didn't want things to be complicated between them. Or, maybe, he was just imagining things.

"Too bad."

"Yeah. Actually I have to leave now. I just wanted to see if Kurt was alright."

That was exactly what bothered Kurt so much. Matt always cared about him more than he cared about Matt. Their friendship with benefits was simple, nothing complicated. Well it had been, but apparently that changed? He was sure this was Katy's work. Matt was nice, good looking and smart but he was also a bit naïve, sometimes even insecure because he was still – kind of – in the closet.

Kurt never asked if he was actually gay or just bi because Matt asked him not to. All he wanted was to spend some time with Kurt because he liked him. So Kurt accepted his wish while Katy always pushed him. She always told him to be honest because he was confusing people with him being single. Not one time but any time when she began to blame Matt for something that was not his fault, Kurt wanted to snap and call her out. But he rather did not. Katy was too much, even for him.

"I'll text you," Matt smiled and they hugged goodbye.

They watched him disappearing between the people and Kurt let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Perhaps he was just imagining stuff, he really hoped that.

"Let's go shopping and then I really have to go home before he comes," smiled Dani, his amazing friend who never pushed Kurt, not at the beginning. She gave him the time and space and, eventually, said what she was really thinking.

They bought some beer for Eric and with Dani being already twenty-one years-old, there was really no problem. She and Elliot were almost two years older than Kurt and Santana but it never really felt like that. They parted so Kurt could take a shower and change – just like Elliot – and around 8 pm they went to the girl's place.

Both pretty excited to finally see Eric again. The last time they saw him was on New Year's Eve, because he wanted to celebrate that in New York. Though he was a good guy and really funny he had the bad ability to flirt with every girl he liked and, sometimes, in a pretty exaggerated way. Well, he was a good looking and intelligent guy who could play several instruments and singing was his passion. Girls loved that and he knew it.

But Dani said he had changed, so both were also curious if this was true.

Kurt knocked against the door and they already heard Eric screaming: "THEY ARE HERE!"

Both grinned and grinned some more when her cousin opened the door. His curly blond hair was a mess, like always, sticking out in any direction and his eyes blue, shining, like the wide smile he gave them. He was as tall as Kurt but slightly more muscular and driving not just girls but also boys crazy. Not that it really mattered when someone had a shitty personality. Something Kurt learned pretty fast when he moved to New York and went to the bars.

"Dude!" he exclaimed and pulled both into a hug.

"You look good," said Kurt when he finally laid his eyes on Eric's clothes, a habit when you were into fashion. He was wearing a black sweater and black pants that clung to his body in a really good way.

"Thanks man, and that comes from you," smirked Eric and closed the door when they were inside. The smell of something good filled the room and Kurt heard Dani laughing from the kitchen.

"Man, you've changed. I remember the crazy look you used to have," said Elliot and looked really surprised. Kurt noticed it too. Eric used to look so young and crazy, almost a bit dangerous and like he had no idea what he wanted. Now he looked still young and but his eyes were older and his face – jaw, cheekbones – more prominent.

"Well, we all need to grow up, right?" he began to explain as they walked into the cozy living room. The table was already filled with many goods to eat and bottles of beer and wine. Kurt smiled, so ready to drink, eat and laugh with his friends. It would be the perfect distraction.

"He said no more flirting with girls," said Santana as she entered the living room, Dani right behind and both holding glasses for them. "And we all know that he was following the destiny of his dick."

"That's not true. I had maybe five girlfriends," protested Eric.

"In three months. I'm not saying it's bad, do whatever you want. I just doubt your dick will like the change."

"I was not fucking around, you know that."

"I know you weren't you little brat," said Santana, like an aunt and squeezed his cheeks with her fingers. Eric laughed and shoved her away. Kurt looked from Santana to Elliot to Dani and they all had the same expression, doubt. And it was justified. There were many moments with him that were funny but also many filled with drama. Eric enjoyed flirting, loved making compliments but sometimes things got out of his control.

"Are you serious?" asked Kurt eventually.

"I am. Really. I don't want all fake, meaningless relationships anymore and I don't want the drama with several people. I'm going to NYADA in a couple of months and I want to do it right. Find a nice girl I can share my college time with and maybe she'll be the one."

"Hard to believe since you never really believed in relationships," admitted Elliott and took the plate from Dani she was handing him.

"That's true but, I'm really tired of this. I want this one girl. I want something like Santana and Dani have."

"Aww," cooed Dani and Santana still was not convinced.

"Something happened that you changed your mind?" asked Kurt and filled his plate with salad and chicken. The change in Eric's whole appearance was visible. He was squirming on his seat, scratching the back of his head and his eyes jumping from face to face.

"Actually, yes. Some girls got pretty mad at me because of my behavior and then they fooled me, saying they were pregnant."

First there was silence, all staring at Eric who seemed really embarrassed and even a bit scared, but then they all snorted though no one meant to do that.

"Yeah, laugh at me. Mom laughed at me too and said I deserved it."

"Because you don't kiss and tell, sweetie," said Santana.

"Yeah, I've learned that. That's why I want to start a serious relationship and stop acting like... a brat."

* * *

><p>Kurt was standing on the stage, holding a list with names in his hand and looking at the seats and the people sitting on those. There weren't many because some NYADA students didn't feel the need to practice or just wanted to enjoy their break. But that was okay, he didn't feel like taking the responsibility for a lot people. They were 15, his friends included, and still some people wanted to come.<p>

Santana was helping Dani with something and Elliot talked to Eric, both laughing. Kurt was just eying all of this and asking himself if this could end into chaos even though all they would truly do was practice singing and acting through well-known plays and musicals. They weren't allowed to actually plan a play and present it. They were just a group of people who enjoyed the same thing that were working on honing their skills.

He smiled excited about that he could sing and act whatever song and role he wanted, and, get advice and help from other people and give the same in return. When Dani came up with the idea of a little theater group during their break he had been against it. It felt like all of this was too much. But then he realized that students understood students better and their help was often more helpful than from a professor. So he agreed because of that but also because he missed to sing with people just for fun.

The door went open and he noticed a girl, wearing a bright cardigan and dress. Her hair was long, light brown and... he knew her and he knew the guys behind her who made his heart beat faster. Who made him feel all these things he didn't want to feel for him. Especially not when they smiled at each other like that and he held her hand, the other hand resting on her shoulder and helping her down the stairs.

Why did no one tell him that Blaine would come too?


	5. Guest

This is not the beta version :) (my beta is still busy) hope u guys enjoy this chapter! We are getting close to the Klaine ;)

* * *

><p>Chapter 4. Guest<p>

His first thought was to run away and keep the distance between him and Blaine he always created. But when he looked away from him and the girl he noticed there was no escape. Here, in the auditorium he had a responsibility together with Dani, Elliott and Santana. They came up with this idea, offered help for every NYADA student and future NYADA student – which was the bigger part of the group. He hated to let people down and run away from responsibilities, he hated to not try at all. So he didn't leave his spot on the stage but held the clipboard a bit stronger and watched Blaine walking down, passing row after row of streets and when Elliott noticed them he jumped off his seat and smiled at them. Just like friends did.

"Hey guys!" he heard Elliott saying and saw his friend hugging Blaine and also the young woman, girl, whatever.

Kurt turned away, watching Santana leaving the stage, too, and hearing her calling Blaine's name. He took the spot next to Dani, staring at her with wide eyes while she was biting her lip. Looked like she didn't know about that either.

"Did you?"

"No, I had no idea," she said and pressed her lips together. In the background he heard Santana cooing something and then noticed how Dani was watching someone. Kurt turned around and noticed Blaine on the stage, approaching them and the closer he came the crazier his heart was beating. Oh God, now he would have a real conversation, right? Now it was the time to face the truth and hear what was really going on, right? He was not ready and he didn't want to hear anything that could hurt him. But he didn't move.

He couldn't, not with this boy looking so handsome and hot with his dark green pants, the blue and plaid shirt and this smile, his damn smile so charming and beautiful making his eyes shine even more. Now, with Blaine this close he finally saw the color of his eyes. It was not just gold it was more than that but he had no time to focus on that because his mouth was moving.

"I hope I can still get on that list. Santana said we can sign up today too?"

"Yeah, of course. Kurt, you have the list."

"Right... here," he said and handed Blaine the clipboard, his fingers aching to touch the skin but he refused.

"Thanks," he smiled right up to Kurt, eyes lingering on his face a bit longer than necessary and, again, this was just really confusing. Like the fact that Blaine always looked at him when he sang, that he always stared at Kurt a bit longer then necessary. Hell he even bought him coffee once and told him his voice was beautiful. It was not the first time a boy made him compliments, but it was the first time a boy who he was interested in. In a very different way.

It was just crazy what he felt, crazy and big and pointless.

"Is it okay if Emma stays here? She really loves everything connected to music and acting."

"Of course," said Dani and Kurt wanted to shake his head no but that would have been too obvious. Blaine smiled at her, saying his thanks and then his eyes were back on Kurt, again, a bit longer than necessary and he went off the stage, back to his friends and the girl, Emma.

"Great," muttered Kurt under his breath and turned away so only Dani saw his conflicted expression.

"Come on, it will be fun," said Dani with an encouraging smile.

"Yeah, I know that people enjoy Blaine's company but they don't... have a crush on him. It just got worse since he bought me coffee."

"Wait. You two went out for coffee? Together?"

Kurt shook his head no, hearing more people talking behind them and turned around. He regretted his decision when he saw how Blaine held Emma's hand, walked her to one of the seats in the third row. This girl looked still so weak and fragile and he remembered how Elliott told him that she was sick. But he couldn't feel sorry or anything because jealousy crawled through his whole being when he saw Blaine kissing the top of her head and smiling at her so... not in love but it still annoyed him.

"We did not. I forgot my wallet when Matt and I wanted to meet to study for history. And he was there and paid for it. Telling me that my voice was beautiful and stuff. I basically ran away from him after that."

Dani stared at Kurt, mouth slightly open and it annoyed him even more.

"What?"

"Well, I don't know but... this doesn't sound like he is straight, you know?"

"This sounds like he is a nice guy and probably giving each person some compliments. Hell, maybe he was not even serious."

It was an old habit to not take everything serious a person said to him, only to prevent the pain that they probably lied to him. Although Blaine didn't seem to be such a person he didn't know it for sure. He didn't know Blaine and it bothered him that, apparently, his friends did. Which shouldn't bother him at all because he chose to avoid Blaine.

Dani wanted to say something but got cut off by her cousin, walking towards them from the backstage. Kurt noticed Katy behind him, a pleased smile on her face but Eric didn't look pleased at all. More like he wasn't sure how to feel about whatever she said to him. Maybe she was hitting on him? Because that was something Katy would totally do. A filter was something she never had apparently and Eric just had this special something making girls crazy. Though he didn't want that anymore he couldn't really do something against the way he looked. And he looked pretty hot – though he used to be a total jerk sometimes - but Kurt never said that out loud because it felt strange since he considered Eric as his smaller brother.

"When are we star-" he began to speak but stopped when his eyes wandered over the people gathered together on the seats and talking: "Who is that girl? The one with the bright clothes?"

They both turned around, Kurt immediately seeing Blaine and Emma smiling at Elliott who talked about something.

"Which girl?" asked Dani because there were more with bright clothes.

"The one with the dude holding her hand," said Eric and it was clear he talked about Emma. Kurt pressed his lips together not wanting to make a disapproving sound because he was jealous.

"That's Emma," said Dani, her voice unsure and her cousins face anything but calm. Maybe it was crazy, maybe he was just seeing stuff, but Kurt was sure that jealousy was also flicking in Eric's eyes and he was probably not even aware of that. He raised an eyebrow and watched Eric closely while he spoke to Dani, eyes jumping from Emma to Dani and back.

"Is that her boyfriend?"

"I don't know."

"But he holds her hand. So he is?"  
>"I don't know. I takes care of her, that's all I know."<p>

"So, she is single right? Why is he smiling at her like that? He doesn't even look straight."

Why the fuck was everyone saying that? No one knew it for sure because it was none of their business, but, Kurt couldn't deny that hearing this made him hopeful. Maybe a foolish hope so he didn't even let it bloom inside him.

"Eric, just drop it, okay? I don't want any drama here."

"NYADA is a school for dramatic arts, Dani. The people love drama," said Eric and squinted like it wasn't obvious.

"You said you want to change though. What about that?"

"But I do. I really want to get to know her," he said, almost desperate and looked back at Emma: "Don't you believe in that? Love at first sight?"

Dani just stared at him, not quiet sure if she could believe him or if he was even serious. Kurt just wanted to groan because that was great. Apparently Eric was interested in Emma and jealous and Kurt was interested in Blaine and jealous. Great, really. Being a student at NYADA, no, his whole life was probably meant to be dramatic. God, he needed a break. Maybe calling Matt and meeting him would be an awesome break, like it always was.

"Just... don't do something stupid, okay?"

Well, Kurt saw that Eric was not really listening but staring over to Emma and he almost looked determined. Somewhere, in a pretty dark place of his mind, he liked the idea that Eric would try to win her heart because it meant Blaine would be free. Though this wouldn't change his sexuality and it was wrong thinking that. So wrong he felt ashamed for even thinking that.

The rest of the three hours were getting to know each other and splitting into groups. People who wanted help in singing and others who wanted help in acting. The three times a week they had were perfect for that. It meant they had two meeting a week with only half of the people that were part of their little group project during the summer break. And the third time was a coming together and practice both, singing and acting. Though Blaine was part of their group and took Emma with him he still couldn't deny the fact that he enjoyed this. All of this.

A group of people practicing singing and acting together because they loved it. Just like Glee club but an adult version of it, like Santana loved to call it. He was sure between all of this they would also dance, laugh and just enjoy their time.

Dani explained them that no one was obligated to come and that the last week of June and the first of July were off for them to enjoy their summer break like they want to.

After three hours they all went home and it was also their boys night. Him, Elliott and Eric. But it was not like their usual boy nights. Not with Eric wanting to know everything about Emma and Blaine.

"So, you guys are friends with Blaine and Emma?" asked the blond one as they closed the door into Kurt's and Elliott's apartment.

"Elliott is," said Kurt, a warning undertone in his voice and he glared at Elliott who gave looked defensive, as he balanced the two pizzas on his hand. Too lazy to cook something they got them on their way back home.

"You are not?" asked Eric when they took their shoes off and made themselves home in the living room. Their apartment was mainly golden brown and filled with a lot of stuff. Rather cozy than messy and Kurt liked the many improvisation they created together. Like their huge dark red couch, one of their neighbors gave it to them, and the coffee table, they found once on their way back home.

"No," said Kurt and placed a bottle of rum and two of coke on the table. Elliott put the two pizzas down on the table and got the glasses for them.

"Why's that?" Eric looked between the two and Elliott shrugged, pouring himself some rum like he knew he would need it that evening.

"Ask Kurt, not me. He is the one who has a problem with them."

Kurt rolled his eyes over that. "I might be interested in Blaine so I avoid him because I don't need another, 'gay guy falls in love with a straight guy' drama in my life."

He took the bottle from Elliott and poured himself some rum and mixed it with coke.

"He is straight? Doesn't look like though."

"You can't say by the look of someone if they are gay or not, Eric. That's mean," said Elliott.

"Okay, then, I don't want him to be straight. Is that mean?"

"That is living in deny if you'd ask me," said Elliott, eying them both and taking a long sip from his rum mixed with coke. Looking at his roommate Kurt could only guess how ridiculous he and Eric must look and sound. He, the one not wanting to be close to Blaine and convinced he is straight and together with Emma, and Eric, not wanting them to be together at all. Yeah, it was pretty ridiculous and he rubbed his eyes, feeling a headache coming.

"So they are together? Blaine and Emma?"

Elliott shrugged. Kurt said nothing.

"Fine, then I'll figure it out by myself," smirked Eric.

* * *

><p>It was two days later when they met with their group of people who wanted to practice singing. Elliott and Dani, who had far more expierence than Kurt and Santana were basically leading the group and explaining what was the best breath technique and how to just let everything go and sing like they mean it. Right from their very core and when Dani sang a song all were just blown away. Eric and Santana clapped proudly and Kurt smiled at her, because she was simply amazing.<p>

They choose songs and sang them together, then one after the other and helped each other to hit the right notes or to really sing. Right from the core, like Elliott and Dani loved to name it.

Kurt listened, gave his advice too but mainly listened. Especially when Blaine sang he listened and felt so much more coming from him, than from any other person in the auditorium. It never changed, since the first time he heard him singing it was always the same overwhelming feeling. Washing over his soul and touching him and his deepest places. It was still a scary feeling and one he tried to stop. But he couldn't help himself and breath all of Blaine's voice in. only when their eyes met he stared back for a second or two and then made himself busy.

He didn't want Blaine to look into his soul, to see what he tried to not to feel. He felt them anyway and couldn't stop them. Maybe this crush took longer then he thought it would. And there was also Emma, watching all of this with huge eyes and a bright smile, but never actually laughing. Of course she and Blaine exchanged those smiles, looks and Kurt had to handle his jealousy, too.

At the end of their three hours Santana and Elliott sang a song together for Emma and caught everyone's attention. Kurt used those minutes to watch that girl and, again, she was not laughing, just smiling and even breathing a bit faster than was usual. It was like she tried not to laugh though she wanted to. But she was moved, so moved by this gesture that he remembered what Elliott had said to him the first time they met Emma and Blaine.

She was sick and his friend wanted to help her. He had no idea what she had but that his friends and Blaine wanted to make her smile. Wanted to give her something so whatever sickness she was going through, she still had a reason to smile.

Kurt almost felt like a jerk for not wanting the same but being jealous and wanting them to break up.

Their acting classes were almost the same only without singing. They exchanged tips about what was the most effective way to learn a script and of course to acting itself, in which Kurt was best at. He showed them how to make an angry face, how to cry on spot and how to laugh so it didn't look forced. Acting was really his element and he loved, well, fooling people from time to time. But it was also a huge benefit for any situation. Like when he thought something was not funny he could fake a laugh and the people who didn't know him thought it was real.

But his friends knew him better. Especially his dad always knew when he was lying and when not.

When they were done and everyone was packing their stuff, taking last advices from Dani and Santana Kurt checked the list of group members, drawing questions mark after the names of people who weren't with them that day.

"Kurt?"

He looked up from his list and there was Blaine. Beautiful, breathtaking Blaine holding something in his hands.

"Yes?" he hated that his voice sounded so breathy.

"I was wondering if you were up for some coffee. Tomorrow morning?"

Huh? He blinked, blinked some more and his mouth hung open. What?

"Sure," he said before he knew what he was saying. Fuck, no, shit, he thought but Blaine smiled, this big, perfect smile that made every other person smile too.

"Here," he spoke on and fished a small piece of paper out of his pockets: "is my number just in case one of us gets late."

He took it from Blaine, still avoiding his hands, his fingers because he was not sure what it would do to him, actually touching the person he was falling in love with. The person with the girlfriend who asked him to drink some coffee together. Was he crazy? Why did he say yes and ran right into his misery?

"Thanks, I'll text you later, okay?" and his stupid mouth was moving on it's own acord.

"Great," breathed Blaine, eyes shining and damn those eyes. It was like staring into the sun, warm and bright but not hurting, not blinding him. Rather forcing him closer.

Luckily Blaine turned around then, left the stage and walked up to Emma, a proud smiling Emma as Blaine wrapped her arms around her shoulders and left.

"You idiot," groaned Kurt and smacked the clipboard against his forehead.

After another 30 minutes he finally left NYADA together with Elliott. When they walked into the subway and found a free spot to sit on, he finally said it out loud.

"Blaine asked me out for coffee."

"Really?" asked his friend, staring at Kurt.

Kurt nodded and slowly the realization hit him. Tomorrow morning he was going to meet Blaine for coffee and... talk? Right? Oh God, he didn't want that. He didn't need that. Seeing Blaine together with Emma and their hand holding, smiles, eyes... he was so not up for a heartbreak.

"I'm not going. I can't."

"Kurt. Just, stop for a second, okay?"

Elliott squeezed Kurt's shoulder and pulled him out of his thoughts, which were searching for excuses and screaming no, don't go. Saying yes had been stupid, so stupid. Eventually he calmed down, listened because he knew his friend was right. This, all of what he felt and how he behaved, he made a bigger deal of it than necessary.

"Look, he is a good guy and he is a really good friend and I'm sure you two would come along pretty well."

"How am I supposed to be friends with him when I feel all of this for him?"

"Just ask him. He won't be offended or anything. I didn't ask him because I'm not interested in him. And, no, I don't know if he and Emma are together because he rarely talks about her. And I don't see the problem in asking him, you know? It's better to know and accept it then to wonder and get miserable like you do."

"How are you so sure we would come along though?"

"Really, Kurt?" Elliott sighed and gave him a funny look, Kurt shrugged like a little boy: "I talk to him, a lot. Mainly about music and stuff but I know you two would come along. You have a lot in common."

There was really no reason to not trust Elliott because he never gave Kurt a reason to. Since the first time they met they were supporting, helping and always honest to each other. Just like in that moment all Elliott wanted was to help him.

"I mean if you don't, really don't want to have anything to do with him, then don't. But I see what it does to you and maybe getting an answer instead of asking and wondering will help you more in the long run? I know you have these feelings, I understand why you don't want to know and that you don't want to get hurt. But it's more than that. It's not just about knowing if he is gay or not. It's also about getting to know him."

With a gentle groan he leaned his head back and had no idea what to do. His mind said no but his heart said yes.

Back home they ate dinner together and Elliott got a call from Eric who was eager to know more about Emma. Rolling his eyes he watched his friend leave the kitchen and going into his room, saying that he didn't have more information but Eric was having none of that.

Taking this moment for himself he pulled out the piece of paper with Blaine's number on it and saved it on his own phone. Then he just stared at the open textbox not sure what to write. Yes or no was the option. Yes meant to get answers, not particularly about Blaine's sexuality or his and Emma's relationship because he felt like creep asking that though they didn't even know each other. No meant to not get any answers at all. Nothing about what Blaine liked, how he talked, what made him laugh and what not.

There was his chance to get to know this boy and, like Elliott said, find out if the truly was worth all these feelings or if Kurt was wrong. He had been interested in many gay guys but their personality just sucked. And he had no idea who Blaine Anderson truly was but only that he kept his eyes on Kurt whenever he could and was all nice and charming. Straight or not, his personality was more important, right? Maybe he could be just friends with him. After all, his friends apparently were.

_Kurt: Hey, it's Kurt. So, tomorrow at 9am? The coffee shop we once met?_

He waited for an answer and it came five minutes later.

_Blaine: Sounds perfect. :)_

_Kurt: And it's my treat. _

* * *

><p>Kurt Hummel had been nervous many times in his life. His first day of high school, his first solo in Glee club, his first performance on a stage, his NYADA audition and also moving to New York. Those were moments he had been nervous. But he had never been this nervous to meet with a guy. He went on dates and he tried relationships but he had never been so nervous that he could feel it in his bones. Also, he never had to spent so much time to plan an outfit.<p>

There was actually no reason to because this was not a date, right? A date meant that he and the other person were interested in a relationship, that they both were gay and the last time he checked all these points only applied to him, not Blaine.

However, this was not really calming him down and after a frustrated sigh he decided to a simple short sleeved blue shirt – because it made his eyes look incredible - and gray pants – because they were perfect for his legs. He a little after 8:30am glad that it was not that hot yet so he wouldn't sweat.

When he arrived at the coffee shop he waited outside for Blaine because his plan to buy Blaine coffee before he came was not working. He had no idea what coffee Blaine liked and buying the wrong one was not part of his... well, he had no real plan. Frankly, he had no idea what he was doing. Meeting Blaine, alone and drink coffee with him. He would probably just sit there and stare at him for hours and hours and grin stupidly because this boy was so handsome and beautiful.

What if his mouth would work on its own accord again? Saying all the things he thought about Blaine's eyes and smile-

"Hey there!"

He turned around, the low and amazing voice breaking his track of thoughts.

"Morning," smiled Blaine when he approached him.

"Hey, morning."

"So let's go inside?"

Kurt needed a second to handle all of this. To collect himself and take full control over his mind and mouth. Because the way Blaine smiled at him, how excited and happy he looked made this task pretty hard. Nodding and giving him a small smile, just for the sake of it, they went inside. He asked what Blaine wanted, went to the counter and ordered a nonfat mocha and a medium drip. Blaine already found a spot for them, in the left corner, the pretty cozy place and Kurt swallowed his nervousness down. God, he would sit so close to him he was not sure if he was ready for this. But he was Kurt Hummel, he could do that. So he took both cups and joined Blaine.

"Thank you," he smiled and opened a back of sugar.

He watched Blaine for a while, watched the smile and the eyes which held this little spark inside. Then he spoke, hoping his voice was even and not too shaky or too high.

"Had fun yesterday?"

Yeah, this was good. Keeping things simple and platonic.

"Oh yeah. I think it's a really good idea. Practicing alone can be pretty hard and everything is easier with some help, right?"

"That's true. It can get pretty tough at NYADA so we thought it might be a good idea."

"It is," smiled Blaine and took a sip of his coffee. "Especially finally having the chance to sing what we want and also choosing plays we are interested in. Acting can be pretty hard if you can't create a connection between you and your character."

To his own surprise it was easy, so so easy to talk to Blaine. It was exactly what Kurt loved so much about conversations. The back and forth of words and the understanding in between. They talked about their favorite plays, movies, songs and he soon figured out Elliott was right, they had a lot in common. Though it was more. Blaine truly understood Kurt's point of view on certain movies or characters. Soon all the nervousness was simply gone and he sat there, relaxed and answering personal questions.

"You are from New York?"

"No. I'm from Lima, Ohio."

"Must be a big change living in New York, huh?"

"Well, it is but it's also a lot of fun."

He began to talk about his life in Lima, what it was like, his old friends and Glee club. Then he talked about his first year at NYADA how he met Elliott and Dani and all the funny things they did together. How Dani and Santana wanted to live together – though it was crazy because they had only been together for a month back then – and he ended up living with Elliott. He talked so freely, not afraid to be judged or that Blaine thought he was weird.

Because he couldn't see any of that. Instead the way Blaine looked at him made him feel comfortable like never before in his life. There was an understanding coming from him and genuien interested. How he rested his chin on the back of his fingers, eyes warm, soft and giving him all his attention. No one had ever looked at him in that way. A different, intimate way and it made him slightly breathless but he tried to hide just how much he enjoyed that.

"And you want to become an actor?" Blaine asked after comfortable silence when Kurt stopped talking and finally took a sip of his own coffee. It tasted way better today.

"I'd like to be on Broadway. Well, any kind of theater."

"I think you'd be an amazing singer, too. Your voice is really incredible."

Kurt tried not to blush, tried not to interpret too much into it. But maybe Blaine actually did that while Kurt talked? Listening to his voice because he enjoyed it? Of course also paying attention to what he was saying. Could it be? There was a pleased smile on his lips, one he didn't intend to do but Blaine saw it anyway and smiled back. He opened his mouth but closed it when his phone began to ring.

He took a look at it and gave Kurt apologetic look.

"Sorry, I need to get that."

He nodded, listening how Blaine said a worried but also warm hello. The other person was talking and Blaine made small sounds of agreement and that he was listening before he hung up.

"I'm sorry but I have to go now."

The disappointment was big but he didn't show it. Instead Kurt waved it off and smiled.

"It's alright."

The golden eyes never left his face, his eyes not since they met each other in front of the coffee shop and, like before, he enjoyed this. The utter attention from someone because he wanted to know and not just to be polite.

"I'm really sorry, though but Emma needs me."

Right. Emma. His girlfriend. Kurt shook his head, smiled and then Blaine left, only looking away from Kurt when he was outside.


	6. Serenade

Chapter 5. Serenade

When Blaine left Kurt sat there for a while longer, finishing his coffee and then walked back home to change and get ready for work. Though the mention of Emma was a total buzz he still felt better. Much better. During the day he recalled what they talked about, how Blaine looked at him and how he, so different from any other boy he had met, listened to him. It was like his whole being was there for Kurt and sucking it all in. Every tone of his voice, every word from his lips.

It felt amazing and made work easier. Later though he realized how much Blaine knew about him and how Kurt literally knew nothing new about Blaine. Knowing his favorite musicals or plays or movies was not the same. He knew one thing, that Blaine was from California because he used to study there and only because his teacher, Alice, told them this.

He had no idea if Blaine had siblings, if he only had a mother or father or both. He had no idea what his connection to Emma was.

Back home he fell right on his bed, no longer feeling as happy as he did during the day. He could have asked him, he knew that but he was so blown away by Blaine's interested and his eyes that he just enjoyed this. The attention, the simple attention someone had for him and who he was.

The next day was their meeting with every person from their theater group. Together they talked about the last two meetings what they liked about the singing and acting, what they didn't like and soon they were all over the stage, talking and helping each other. Kurt talked to two girls, explaining them something about how to act angry and be realistic at the same time – they both were too cute to actually look angry but they were determined and he liked that. He helped a boy who had also a high voice and explained to him to not feel any shame or fear. His voice was unique just like Kurt's. After that he found some time to really look around and found Blaine, talking to a girl and a boy in this charming way. This was probably his nature, charming around and make people like him. And also having Emma always so close to him.

With a huff he turned away, not wanting to see how they both stood there, talking and looking like the perfect couple. She holding his arm, leaning against it like she had not enough strength to stand on her own.

Was Blaine ignoring him? There was an exchange of smiles but that was all he got. Maybe it was wrong to meet him after all? What if Emma found that out and didn't like it? Well, for that she needed to know that Kurt was interested, right? And he was sure his friends didn't tell a soul about that.

Weekend and Kurt had plans. Not really but he wanted to have some. He talked to Elliott about going out into the big city and check out the clubs. Eric also and in the end it was him and Eric sitting at the bar and drinking while their friends danced. Dani with Santana and Elliott with some guy Kurt was sure would come home with them – judging by the way how they were basically grinding against each other and their mouths never breaking contact.

With a groan he turned around, facing the bar and sipping his drink.

"Seems like we'll just drown our hearts in alcohol, huh?" sighed Eric and ran his fingers through his curly blond hair.

"Most likely."

"You know, I feel like a dick because of the whole Blaine is straight or not stuff. Elliott is right, it's wrong to judge someone by their looks."

"It is though."

"But I still think he and Emma are not together."

Eric sounded so sure and Kurt was filled with doubt.

"Something is off between them. I mean, they hold hands and everything but it's not actually couple like, you know?"

Kurt sighed, ordering a new drink – he knew he would regret it the next day – and shrugged: "Well, ask her out? That's what you are good at, right?"

"Those times are over Kurt," Eric said, holding his glass up and Kurt did the same: "I want to do it right. No cheap flirting lines, no more fooling around. I want to become an honest man without any bad intentions."

They chinked their glasses.

"So you are interested in Blaine. Then what about Matt? Still a thing?"

Kurt shrugged. Matt was really the last thing on his mind and if he thought about him then only when he needed some distraction, or, when he was horny. He was no longer horny since he met Blaine and Matt was rather a burden than distraction. With all his smiles and attention he gave Kurt outside of Matt's room everything just felt more like a responsibility. Like he had to react and do something special.

"No, I don't think so. I think we should just be friends."

"Damn boy, it hit you pretty bad when you decide to dumb hottie Matt, huh?"

Yes, Matt was hot but that was everything he was. Hot and nice but not touching Kurt's soul like Blaine did with one simple look. He didn't mention the coffee date and he didn't want to talk about it. Whenever he thought about it he felt like on cloud nine and then became super angry about the fact that one call from Emma was enough and Blaine dropped everything.

* * *

><p>The next week was fun. All the singing and dancing, acting and helping was refreshing. No teacher that gave them songs to sing, scenes to play, or made them feel like they were not talented at all. Kurt really wanted to focus on that but he couldn't. He and Blaine didn't go out again but this boy did something else instead.<p>

While Kurt tried to avoid Blaine – because he was convinced Emma didn't like him – Blaine obviously looked at him whenever he could and gave him coffee whenever they met. He just bought it on his way to the meeting and smiled, this stupid big smile that reached the corners of his eyes. It was a step forward, but it was a strange step forward. This was the second week, singing, acting and Blaine with his looks and coffee.

Elliott smirked at Kurt, Santana made kissy faces and Dani was equally confused like Kurt was. It was nice, it was adorable but it was just so damn confusing. Why did Blaine do this and then avoided Kurt most of them time. Or rather, didn't exchange more than a few words with him? Why did he go back to Emma whenever he could, talking to her, touching her hand, head and then back to the other people, talking. But never with Kurt.

The third week came and was even more strange.

It began when Matt showed up. Hell, Kurt even almost panicked when he saw him entering the auditorium with Katy. Like usually she smirked from ear to ear and stood right next to Eric, trying to get his attention at any given moment. Eric instead stared at Emma whenever he could. Kurt felt it, the upcoming drama.

Santana gave Matt a curious look when he walked over to Kurt, a happy smile on his face and Kurt forced a smile on his own lips.

"What are you doing here?" he laughed, nervously. God, he hoped that no one would say something that he didn't want Blaine to hear. He didn't want anyone to think something wrong.

"Katy asked me to come and see you guys."

Katy, of course. Annoying loud Katy. Suddenly she was even more annoying to him and when he noticed how Matt smiled at him and looked at him he really felt like running away. Far away.

"Also I hoped to see you," Matt said and Santana took it as sign to leave them alone. He wanted to stop her, to tell her not to go but there he was, standing in front of Matt while everyone else was talking, laughing and waiting for the rest of their singing group.

"I'm kind of busy with this theater group and work, sorry."

"I understand but... I really miss seeing you."

Matt never missed Kurt. He had never said such a thing to Kurt, not in the past months they had sex together. It was always just hanging out and fucking, never more, never something important. Suddenly he felt a shift in their relationship and he didn't like that.

"Can we, talk? Later maybe?"

Kurt nodded just because he didn't need any drama around those people. Matt smiled and walked over to Katy – who was calling for him – and greeted Eric who he knew just briefly. Letting out a breath he turned away from them and met Blaine's eyes. There was no happy sparkle, no smile on his lips. His eyebrows were almost touching his hair, mouth hanging open and body not loose, not relaxed. Kurt had never seen him so tense.

Through the three hours of singing, taking a break, giving advice and singing some more Kurt sat on one of the seats, pretending to look on the stage or reading some papers he had on his lap. He made sure to sit alone, a bit away from the others to think, not liking what his mind came up with. It was not even about Blaine mainly about Matt and what he wanted to talk about.

His first thought was, of course, that Matt wanted more. Them to be more and this was something he definitely would never agree to. His second thought was that he just wanted more time together with Kurt because the last time they actually saw each other – well, fucked to but it bluntly – was months ago? April? Kurt had no idea when was the last time he had seen Matt. Most of the time he thought about Blaine and even at night, when he was horny and thinking about him, his voice, his eyes and his ass – god that ass he wished he could just grab for a second – he jerked off to this.

Yep, he definitely felt like teenager at night when he had those wet dreams about Blaine.

He leaves before his friends to talk to Matt, or rather listen what he wanted to tell him. He said goodbye to the people also leaving the auditorium and there he stood, waiting for him and still smiling in this new way. Breathing in and out he approached him and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah. Actually I wanted to ask you something."

_Please not that, please not that,_ he thought.

"How did you find the courage to come out?"

Okay, Kurt didn't expect this question.

"Well... I wanted to be myself. Pretending can be pretty exhausting. I also didn't want to lie anymore. Not to myself and not to my family. I just wanted to be who I am."

Matt new about the bullies, which was not surprising. Being gay in a not gay friendly state is never easy.

"I was thinking about that. Coming out."

"You did?"

"Yes. I just think it would be fair for everyone, also for you?"

"For _me_?"

Why would be fair for him if Matt decided to come out? The last thing that bothered him was people not knowing that he was sleeping with Matt. To be honest he wanted to keep it that way and not hear the old cliché that gay people weren't able to gave a serious relationship. That all they could do was fuck around and have partner after partner. Like it was some hobby.

"Look I-" Matt stopped talking when more people left the auditorium, walking outside into the city and Kurt noticed Blaine and Emma, especially Blaine's smile which, again, faded away and his eyes became wide, almost a shocked expression. Then he felt Matt's hand on his arm and took a step back.

"Kurt," he began again and Kurt listened: "I want us to be more."

"More," he echoed and his friend nodded.

"More than friends. That's why I thought about coming out."

This was all kinds of wrong, thought Kurt but didn't say that out loud. He needed a moment to take the words in, think about his answer and ignored the screams of 'no' inside his mind. Of course he would never agree to this because he didn't want more. Not with Matt and exactly this was his biggest fear. That one of them would develop feelings. He knew from the moment they began to fool around that this hadn't been a good idea.

"Matt, look... I like you, really but I don't want more. I also don't want you to feel like you have to come out so... we can be something. Coming out is not done just like that. You need to think about it."

Kurt looks back to Blaine, feeling a pang inside his heart because this boy was not smiling, not even remotely looking happy like he usually did. It surprised him how much this bothered him. How much he was worried about Blaine not smiling.

"You should," he looked slowly back to his friend: "Think about it... and I think we should stop what we are doing."

"Because you like him? Is that the reason why we haven't seen each other in a while?" Matt's voice was strange, almost a bit angry and his head tiling to Blaine's direction. Kurt said nothing, not wanting him to know or even confess that he was right.

"It's not. I just don't... I can't do this anymore. I have work and this group and I... I don't feel the same way you do."

He watched Matt, watched his eyes and his face how he didn't like that. However he couldn't force Kurt into anything and he was glad that Matt was mature and smart enough to understand that.

"Okay, sorry... fuck," Matt said, rubbing his forehead and Kurt felt almost sorry for him. No, he felt sorry for him but not enough to feel like he should do something. He didn't want to give him any hopes.

"Listen, think about it. Maybe go out and see if this is really you, you know? Go to a gay bar or something and just figure it out?"

Because whenever Kurt wanted to go out with him – preferably a gay bar because that was always fun – Matt refused, not wanting people to think he was gay or bi before he even came out. So far Kurt was the only guy Matt ever had sex with and who knew it it was just because he liked Kurt or because he was really bi. Kurt had no idea and he really didn't want this to become his problem too.

"Maybe, I don't know."

"Look. If you want to talk we can do that but... over the phone, okay?"

"Can't we... see each other? Just see each other and talk?"

Kurt looked away, to the direction where Blaine was still standing, Emma talking so someone while he watched Kurt. God, he wanted to just walk away from Matt because all of this made him upset. They all knew he was gay and standing there with Matt who made this hopeful look was really a bad picture for people to see.

"No. I can't, I'm sorry."

* * *

><p>He explained to Elliott everything because he felt bad about rejecting Matt. Coming out and liking someone was not always easy, he knew that. But Elliott told him that he was not responsible for Matt and they never wanted to be exclusive. His amazing friend and his reasoning helped Kurt a lot so he could focus on work and on their fourth week.<p>

It was in the middle of June, and the group already became close friends with inside jokes, with nicknames and their own dynamic. A mix of NYADA students and future NYADA students. All eager to learn more and more. It was the week without any drama, without him having even a second to focus no Blaine or Emma.

Then the last week came before they all took two weeks off. Kurt walked into the auditorium, being late because he needed to talk to his boss and make sure he and his friends still had the two weeks off and was greeted by a group of people singing together on the stage.

_Hot as a fever  
>Rattling bones<br>I could just taste it  
>Taste it<em>

_But it's not forever  
>But it's just tonight<br>Oh we're still the greatest  
>The greatest<br>The greatest_

He smiled over the united voices, how they danced and laughed together and had the time of their life. Four people standing at a microphone, Elliott with Blaine and Dani, Santana dancing with some other people and Emma sat on a seat, watching and clapping along, also smiling more than she usually did.

_You  
>Your sex is on fire<em>

_Consumed  
>With what's just transpired<em>

When the song was over they all cheered and clapped gathering together and smiling at each other. Kurt joined them on the stage and smiled, he even smiled at Blaine when their eyes met and smiled even harder when Blaine bounced to him, picking up a coffee cup from the small table on the stage.

"You really don't-"

"I told you it's okay."

Kurt always said that Blaine didn't need to do this but he did anyway, like it was no big deal. Kurt didn't want to think it was something big but he loved how Blaine looked so happy and pleased with himself whenever he heard the 'thank you' from Kurt. This expression was better than the one he gave him when Kurt talked to Matt.

Usually after that Blaine left his side and went back to Emma or to the other people. That day he did not and Kurt's heart was jumping happily inside his chest. Something changed, he felt that, but he had no time to explore what it was when a pretty angry Katy stomped pass him and Blaine. Eyebrows raised he watched her leaving the stage, just like all the other people and when he looked at Blaine he saw the same confusion. His eyes found Dani, who frowned and then he noticed Eric and Santana on the stage, grinning like they had something planned.

They did.

"Emma," said Eric into the microphone and Kurt knew what was coming. He knew Eric, his ways to win a heart and pressed a hand against his face. "This is for you."

Elliott started a song, Kurt didn't even pay attention at first but when he heard the words he groaned.

_Walking like a man,  
>hitting like a hammer,<br>she's a juvenile scam.  
>Never was a quitter,<br>tasty like a raindrop,  
>she's got the look. <em>

It was not just a song that totally didn't fit and made no sense at all, it was also the fact that Santana supported Eric doing this? He knew Dani didn't like that and he knew that Eric was crossing possible lines but when Kurt looked up to see Emma's reaction he was surprised.

She sat on her seat, pressing a hand against her mouth and he could see that she was blushing, was smiling and for Eric this was a sign to give everything into this song.

_She's got the look.  
>She's got the look.<br>What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue.  
>When everything I'll ever do I'll do for you<br>and I go: la la la la la  
>she's got the look. <em>

It was too much and too surreal to look at so he looked to his right side, seeing Blaine and this surprised him even more. Then the surprise was replaced by something else. The feeling he had been fighting against for weeks. Blaine was not happy about that, not at all. He was staring, mouth open and, perhaps, not liking what he saw. Of course not. Who wanted to see some guy serenading to his girlfriend? When the song found it's end Kurt could taste the drama.

Eric smiled at Emma, this smile when his eyes were small and all his teeth showing, Santana looked pleased with herself and Elliott was not so sure what to think, just like Dani.

"Are you crazy?" it was Blaine who broke the silence first, walking up to Eric who seemed not impressed at all. Kurt was expecting for Blaine to freak out, to call Eric out on hitting and serenading to his girlfriend. He knew how protective Blaine was over Emma.

However, something else happened before anyone could say anything. Emma began to laugh and every one was looking at her. This was the first time anyone had heard her laughing like that. Wholeheartedly, body shaking slightly. It was a warm, beautiful laugh just like her voice and it made the people around them smile too.

Eric let out a breath, Blaine stared at Emma and then her laugh stopped. She was suddenly gasping for air and pressing her hand against her chest. He jumped off the stage, just like Blaine, like Elliott, Dani and Santana. The way how he gasped for air, how her eyes became wide and scared... for a second Kurt thought she would suffocate.

"Emma, breath," spoke Blaine, placing his hand on her head and trying to calm her down. Elliott stood right next to her, Dani and Santana keeping some distance and Kurt just watched Emma and Blaine. How she clutched Blaine's hand, how her body trembled, how slowly, terribly slow stopped gasping and it felt like hours, like an eternity when she finally breathed normally. Still faster but at least not in that scary way anymore.

"Feeling better?" asked Elliott holding her hand and she nodded slowly, giving Blaine a reassuring smile and then looked at Elliott.

"I just laughed too hard. I'm fine, really."

That Emma was sick was no secret for Kurt, but he had no idea what she actually had. It must have been something serious and he wanted to ask if she needed something. He couldn't because Blaine turned around, glaring at Eric.

"Don't do this ever again, you hear me?"

"I just sang a song, dude. Calm down."

"I'll calm down if you stay away from her."

"Fine, sorry you should have told us that she is your girlfriend."

The pain he felt whenever he reminded himself that Blaine and Emma were actually together, that he was not interested in men came back, pulling at his heart. He braced himself for the pain but Emma's chuckle stopped that feeling.

"I'm not his girlfriend," her voice was even, a bit low and a frown covered her face. Kurt sucked the words in, let them find their way into his mind and understood them. Blaine was not her boyfriend, they were not together.

"I think that's enough for today. See you guys on Wednesday, okay?" said Dani, loud and clear and together with Santana – they just worked together – they excused everyone out else out.

"She has a weak heart, okay? Don't do things that are too much for her."

Kurt noticed how Eric flinched and then stared at Emma with worried look. Now things made more sense for him. Of course hearing what Emma had made him sad, made him feel sorry for all the awful things he thought about her, but it also gave him answers about the relationship between Emma and Blaine.

"Sorry, I had no idea," mumbled Eric and Blaine huffed, clearly still angry.

"It's okay. I thought it was nice what you did," she smiled and that made Eric smile too. That stupid smile Kurt had never seen before. Usually his friend had a smug smile whenever a girl complimented him but he changed, he was different, serious about that. Not even the fact that she had a weak heart changed his mind. Which was not surprising at all. Eric never cared about that, he just wanted people to have a good time and enjoy their life and take chances. He wanted to see people smile although in the past not everyone could see that side of him.

"It's not okay if his actions almost kill you," warned Blaine and Emma sighed.

"Give her a break. Some laughing won't kill her. Or you are just jealous because she likes me and my singing." Yes, and Eric had a big mouth. Sometimes too big for his own good.

Elliott shot him a warning look and Dani slapped the back of his head hissing that he should apologize for his not existing filter. Santana apologized to Emma too, who blushed after Eric's words. Kurt on the other hand was only focused on Blaine. Angry Blaine who he had never seen so tense.

"First of all I'm gay. Second she's my responsibility if something happens to her it's my fault. That's why I warn you to not do something like that again."

It was a matter of seconds when his mind shut down and echoed the words over and over. Blaine was gay, he was gay, they were both – apparently – single. He had a chance, he good one because this guy had been so attentive, wanting to meet Kurt for coffee and always watching him, always smiling at him. Even the looks he gave Kurt when he was talking to Matt made sense. He wanted to smile, to jump but he did not.

Elliott helped Emma up, talking something about water and drinking and Dani dragged Eric away, forcing him to help her to clean the stage together with Santana. Only he and Blaine were left standing in the second row of seats. God he needed words, needed to say something but with this new information about Blaine's sexuality and what this meant he had no idea what to say. Also the thing he knew about Emma. That was something he went through.

"Hey, she's alright," spoke Kurt gently and got Blaine's attention. When their eyes met Blaine calmed down, almost looking sorry himself for how he reacted – and Kurt never thought Blaine could be so angry.

"Sorry, I just got scared. I'm her guardian and I don't want to fail."

Kurt inhaled all the new things, all the puzzle pieces fitting together and giving him answers to all his questions.

"You know," he spoke and sat down: "My Dad had a heart attack some years ago. It was a really scary time but he made it through. Sometimes this stuff happens and I think it's a lesson for us to learn and do better. I'll make sure Eric won't do something like this again. He just really likes her."

"I want her to be happy though. But with her heart it's... not that easy."

He didn't want to ask, didn't want to dig into stuff that was none of his business. So he nodded slowly and smiled at Blaine, knowing how scary and hard it was when a beloved person went through something terrible.

* * *

><p>Back home he felt like he could sleep through the whole week and never leave his bed. All this stuff with Emma, how she scared everyone and the fact that Blaine was, indeed, gay still moved him to his bones. He and Elliott quietly cooked together to eat something – because they skipped lunch after what had happened – and only when they sat down, began to eat and taking a swig from the rum they felt better, calmer.<p>

"So Emma has a sick heart, huh?" Kurt began to speak.

"I thought you'll be celebrating that Blaine's gay," smirked Elliott, playing with his food before he took a bite. Kurt was not hiding the smirk. This made him happy but he didn't want to feel happy about that because he still didn't understand the connection between Emma and Blaine. They were not together but he was her guardian. So they were... siblings?

"Well, it's good to know, yes. However, I don't know if it would be smart to ask him out on a date or anything."

"Kurt, you went out for coffee together, he literally ran after you like a puppy with coffee and smiles because seeing you makes him happy. I'd totally ask him out."

He blushed about that and noticed the satisfied smirk on his friends lips. Thinking about it Kurt couldn't help himself but think that Elliott was probably right. Who would put so much effort into a random person? Who would buy him coffee every time they knew they'd meet each other, give him those smiles and looks and even sing to him – obviously or not – if this person was not interested? He had a good feeling about that, a really good one.

Before he went to sleep he texted Blaine and asked if Emma was alright. She was and they wished each other good night.

* * *

><p>Their last meeting ended with them sitting in a circle and talking about their plans for the next two weeks. Some of the people traveled to their families, some were working and others just were going on vacation. When it was Emma's turn to say what she wanted to do the girl gave them a tiny smile, looked down on her hands resting in her lap and spoke, quietly, slowly.<p>

"I've never seen the sea. So I'd really like to see it."

It felt like she wanted to say more but she did not. Especially when Blaine pulled her closer Kurt was sure she wanted to say more. Something she couldn't or didn't want to say out loud so everyone would hear it. Some minutes later they gathered their stuff together and wished each other a happy break and thanked Kurt and his friends for organizing this group.

"We should totally do that," said Elliott when Kurt was busy with putting the papers into his bag. "Eric, your parents are rich, right? We could totally crash in their houses at the beach."

"Sure," he heard Eric and knew he was smirking.

"I don't know if this is a good idea. What if something happens and there is no hospital?" Blaine's concern was clear and made total sense. But vacation at the beach sounded good, perfect even. The best way to get to know each other and maybe get closer to Blaine.

"Don't worry, Blaine," began Dani to speak and Kurt turned around, rising up and watching them standing there, Emma smiling and excited like his friends, Blaine not convinced yet. "There is a hospital pretty close and we'll have cars. It will be just fine."

"Please, Blaine," pleaded Emma, brown eyes huge and tugging at his hand. He still didn't look like he would agree.

"Come on, Hobbit, she has never seen the sea and we are all there. Nothing will happen but that we all are going to have some fun."

"What about you, Kurt? We wanted to go somewhere anyway," asked Elliott and Kurt shrugged.

"I'm okay with that."

And he really was. The small beach houses Eric's parents owned were cozy and the beach was beautiful there. Also the beach parties, those were amazing. Eventually Blaine agreed too and Emma grinned so hard, not trying to laugh and jump. Eric left them to call his parents, the girls talked with Emma about what they could do together and Elliott walked up to Kurt, giving him a significant look. Yeah, right, he wanted to ask Blaine out.

He waited for some minutes, waited for the moment when Blaine was not watching Emma or doing something else. Swallowing his nervousness down and forcing his legs to move he approached Blaine, smiling back when he smiled and listened to Santana laughing about something.

"I'm still not so sure about the beach stuff," said Blaine, holding his bag.

"It will be fine. Really. My friends might be crazy but they would never put her into any kind of danger."

"Yeah, I know. Emma really likes them and enjoys spending time with them together."

Something in his voice was off. There was some sadness, some pain Kurt never noticed before. Probably it was the worry about her and her weak heart. He had no idea how bad it was about her heart, he literally knew nothing. But he knew they'd do anything to keep her safe and sound.

"I wanted to ask you something."

"Okay, shoot," smiled Blaine, putting the strap of his back on his shoulder while Kurt used those seconds to collect all of his courage and make clear what he wanted.

"I'd like to go out with you. Like, not just for coffee like... like friends. More like going out on a date kind of thing."

"Oh," breathed Blaine and it was like a punch in the gut for some reason. His blue eyes watched him, the remaining smile, the eyes that were looking down and then up again.

"I'm sorry but... I don't date or go out on dates."


	7. Your Song

Hey guys! I hope u enjoy this story so far. Next chapter will be pretty hot I guess. Also, writing goes kind of fast so I wanted to ask if you'd like to have more than one chapter once a week? I also love to know what you think so leave me some reviews! =)

* * *

><p>Chapter 6. Your song<p>

They had two cars. One packed full with their stuff they needed and the other free so four people could actually fit in it. But hours before everything had been chaos. Like usually. They were looking for stuff they suddenly needed – but never used over the year. They were packing and unpacking, checking several times if everything was packed and then they stood in front of the cars. One that belonged to Dani the other Elliott. They never actually used the cars only if needed to make a trip out of New York. The chaos didn't then.

There was a sudden discussion between Emma, Blaine, Eric and Santana. Blaine wanted to have Emma with him in the car, Santana tried to convince Blaine that it would be way more fun if she could drive with her and Dani. Eric suggested that he and Emma would join Dani. Kurt just watched all of this, not really caring what the result would be. His mind was still processing what Blaine had told him, how Blaine said no to go out on a date. He expected to feel pain, to cry, to feel all kinds of terrible.

He did not. Grumpy was what Kurt felt, confused and maybe even a bit angry. After all those weeks of singing to him, being this perfect human being and turning his life upside down, Blaine said he didn't want to go out on a date. It just made no sense at all. Not all the attention he gave Kurt, not those looks and smiles. The result of the chaos – which was him sharing a car with Elliott, Eric and Blaine – didn't help his mood.

Dani, Santana and Emma climbed into the other car, Kurt driving behind them – Blaine next to him and Elliott and Eric were sitting in the back seat – and not looking forward to the three hour trip. Elliott tried to lighten the mood, Eric was staring holes into Blaine's head and Blaine was focused on the car in front of them. God, he wished he could be with the girls, knowing that was way more fun. All of this was just surreal.

As they arrived Kurt felt like he needed a vacation form this vacation though it didn't even start. They climbed out of the cars, Blaine and Eric rushing over to the girls and Elliott clapping Kurt's back gently to cheer him up.

"It will get better. Just wait when the alcohol flows."

"Yeah, right," Kurt huffed a laugh: "You mean when Eric and Blaine scratch their eyes out."

"Nah, we don't want that to happen, right?"

They took their stuff from Dani's car and walked into the beach house, which was cozy, beautiful and huge. They had three rooms. One for three people and the other two with two beds. The girls already called the biggest bedroom theirs and literally no one could say no because Emma was happy and excited about that. Especially after her words 'I never had a girls night' it was decided. Two rooms left and Kurt knew Blaine would never go into a room together with Eric and no one wanted that either. So he didn't even ask but walked into the room and waited for one of the boys to join him.

Asking Blaine felt wrong and he didn't want to be rejected once again. However, it was Blaine who joined him and the room filled with tension. One they had never shared before.

"You want the right side or the left side?" asked Kurt because he was fine with both.

"I'll take the right one," said Blaine and both let their bags rest next to their beds and joined the others in the kitchen. After some water and food and using the bathroom they left the beach house and walked into the small city, which was only alive during the summer. It was pretty warm, Kurt already feeling the sweat on his back so he suggested to eat some ice cream which they did.

The city was really small but filled with tourists, all wearing short clothes to get through the hot weather. Emma even wore a hat so the sun was not shining directly on her.

But she was busy with other things and for Kurt it was almost fun to watch her. She never went to a place like this. With all the artists, with all the people and gifts one could buy at the sea. She never enjoyed ice cream, she never gave a person money for being an amazing singer or painter. Emma saw all of this for the first time and it was refreshing to watch her.

Even Blaine smiled, clearly less worried about the girl with the weak heart. Eric though never let an opportunity go away to impress her or buy her something, like a flower, a gift. All in all, the little bit of walking around and let everything sink in really helped to calm everyone down.

Later, when the sun was no longer as strong they went to the beach, Dani and Santana leaving the blanket and cooler – which was filled with bear, water and food - and running into the water.

"Oh my God, it's... amazing," breathed Emma, totally blown away from the view. Sand and water wherever she looked and people enjoying the last rays of the sun. yeah, she was right it did look amazing. The water glistening, the sun touching its surface and the sky turning from yellow, to orange and purple and slowly even dark blue.

"It's even more amazing inside the water. It's pretty warm we can-" smirked Eric at her but Blaine already stood between them, giving the other a warning look. Rolling his eyes Eric joined Dani and Santana in the water who were splashing water with their hand to the other and laughing while they did that. Kurt and Elliott unfolded the blanket and watched their stuff so no one could steal it.

"Can we go inside the water?" asked Emma and turned around, looking at Kurt and Elliott but her question was meant for Blaine.

"Do you think it's good for you and your heart?" asked Elliott.

"I guess. It's just water, right?"

"Yeah, but it's cold at first. But we can try, okay? And as soon as you feel strange we'll get out, alright?" said Blaine with a warm smile and Emma nodded.

Then he watched Blaine taking his shirt off, standing there in his red swim shorts and showing off his upper, very naked body. Unconsciously Kurt licked his lips, staring at the v-line, the small tummy and the tiny nipples. He stared at the olive skin, the fine defined muscles and the fantasies he had about Blaine Anderson just became more vivid. Elliott nudged him with his elbow, probably noticing how Kurt was almost drooling and shook his head to get all those images out of it.

They left and Kurt watched them walking to the water, her hand holding Blaine's tighter the closer they came and couldn't stop the groan falling from his lips.

"I have to say he has a very nice body."

"You are not helping here, Gilbert." But Elliott just laughed, mouthing a sorry and opening the cooler.

"Still jealous?" asked Elliott, opened the beer and handed Kurt the bottle.

"No, not really," he said and took the beer from him, chinking their bottles before he took a big gulp. In the past days he thought a lot about drinking and forgetting, thoughts he didn't like and hoped to never truly follow. "I asked him out and he said he doesn't date or goes on dates. Which means the one time we went out for coffee was just, well, friends meeting?"

"Did he tell you why?" asked Elliott, sitting next to Kurt, knees bent and arms resting on them, bottle in one hand.

"No, and I didn't ask why. Maybe I was just imagining stuff. Maybe we all were, all the looks and smiles and his god damn singing."

"I don't think we were imagining stuff. Everyone saw it and everyone was actually waiting for one of you to make a move."

If this was true, if everyone knew and saw it then why was Blaine saying no? He was gay, he was single and yet he said no. Kurt didn't think he was not good enough or not what Blaine wanted, not after all those gifts, looks, everything. He was obviously feeling something but not wanting to accept it? Maybe Blaine was just like him, refusing and ignoring what he felt for whatever reason?

Sighing Kurt took another sip and watched Emma testing the water with her foot but squirming away with a giggle, which made Blaine laugh. Dani called for them to join them and he saw how Emma truly wanted to but, maybe, the water was too much for her to handle. Lifting his eyebrows he watched Blaine sinking on his knees and then Emma climbing on his shoulders, both a bit shaky and she gripping his head too tight. Then they laughed, hands holding and he walked into the water, keeping her safe from the cold.

There was a lot he could think about them, a lot he could say that was probably wrong and not even close to the truth. But he saw how Blaine cared about her, how cute they truly were together and how this girl, though she had such a burden and limited life, enjoyed all of this.

* * *

><p>It was already dark outside and they all were exhausted from the trip, the walking around and the time at the beach. Those who still had enough energy took a shower, the others just washed their faces, brushed their teeth and went straight to bed – Santana explaining Blaine again that he needed to calm down and give Emma a break. Kurt didn't say anything about that. It was not his place to say anything about Emma and Blaine.<p>

He was focused on something else and that was him sharing a room with Blaine. Closing the door behind him he quickly changed into his pajamas and combed his hair again, before he sat down on his bed and reached out for the book he took with him. Just in case he had nothing to do. 10 minutes later Blaine walked inside, wearing his own pajamas and hair wet, curly. Kurt stared at him, never saw his curls and just thought how good he looked even without the gel.

"What are you reading?" asked Blaine with his usual warm smile.

"About a woman who lost her memory and found herself in the middle of the street with blood on her clothes."

"Sounds scary," commented Blaine and sat down on his bed.

"It does but it's not really scary. Her husband is just weird, I think he has something to do with this."

Blaine nodded and Kurt closed the book, watching him for a while before Blaine spoke again, crossing his legs as he sat on his bed.

"I wanted to apologize for saying no when you asked me out on a date."

Kurt didn't expect this because this was new to him. No one ever apologized after saying no if he asked someone out. It was a yes or no case and both was accepted and then he simply moved on. However, watching Blaine and how he truly was sorry about that confused him a bit.

"It's okay. You don't want to and I'll accept that."

For some reason Blaine didn't just take that and was done with that topic. For some reason he felt the need to say more, to apologize some more and give Kurt a good reason why.

"It's really better that way. Not that I don't like you, because I do, I really enjoy your voice. But, I have Emma and she is my priority."

He didn't want to hear that. How Blaine said he liked him and his voice but didn't want more. This was even worse, thought Kurt. Worse than knowing nothing about what Blaine thought. Not one single word left his mouth about how he didn't want to hear that. It was, still, nice to know that someone like Blaine liked him back. Because Kurt liked him, more than that. His silence seemed to make the other boy uncomfortable so Kurt said something to get him out of his misery.

"How serious is it with her heart?"

"Pretty serious. She was born with a weak heart and it's nearly a miracle that she survived for seventeen years."

"You are siblings?"

Well, if he couldn't become Blaine's boyfriend then he, at least, wanted answers. Needed answers to understand all of this and, especially, understand Blaine's and Emma's connection. The dislike for Emma was still burning inside him and he was almost sure that there was no reason for it. That's why he made himself comfortable on the bed.

"No. I'm from San Francisco and a friend from my mother, who is a nurse in New York, told us about her. Her story and how she has no one who takes care of her. That's why I decided to come here and stay at her side for her last months. My mom pulled some strings and I became her guardian."

This sounded like a fairy tale but it was not so hard to imagine that Blaine would do such a thing. People liked him the moment they saw him because he was such a person. Nice, caring and wanting people to be happy.

"Last months? So she is going to...?"

"They said she might die before the year ends. But Emma didn't want to spent the rest of her life in a hospital room. She is now living with me and she loves musicals and all this stuff that's why I took her with me when you guys started the theater group. I wanted her to enjoy the things she loves but can't do because of her heart. That was her last wish, you know? To live a little and make friends before she dies. She never had that. She never had a family or friends."

Kurt listened to the story about the girl he disliked the first time he saw her. The girl with her weak heart who never experienced love or the happiness one felt with friends. This girl knew so little about what life could feel like, what it could be like and he felt truly sorry for her. Some people just got to deal with so much shit in their life though they didn't deserve it. Also, what cruel people were her parents? Just because she was sick they left her in the hospital? Some people just were heartless and cruel.

Kurt nodded slowly and finally understood what all of this was about. Why Blaine kept Eric away from Emma and why he was so protective over her – though it was still over the top sometimes.

"But a new heart will safe her life, right?"

Blaine nodded.

"If we are lucky and we get one, yes. But whatever happens, I told her I'll stay with her until the end and then I'll go back to San Francisco."

Something about the way Blaine said that, how he would go back to San Francisco when she didn't need him anymore was strange. It sounded like he wanted to go back for good. Like he didn't plan to stay in touch with any of them. Maybe that was his plan and that's why he said no to a date?

No, thought Kurt. That was something Blaine Anderson would never do because he cares about people. Maybe it was just his mind telling him stuff to keep his heart safe. Yeah, probably that, thought Kurt.

* * *

><p>"What do you think about singing and dancing on the streets, Dani?" asked Eric when they stopped at a fountain. There were people around them, buying ice cream, souvenirs, enjoying the warm sun and perfect weather with friends or family. They spent two hour buying souvenirs themselves, well Emma and Blaine did because she never saw so many beautiful things at once. Eric tried to buy her something but one glare from her guardian and he backed off.<p>

Kurt was sure singing something together was his way trying to impress her again. That's why he said he wouldn't join them while everyone else agreed. Elliott took Blaine's guitar as they gathered together in front of the fountain, talking about a song to sing and Kurt stood there with Emma, who watched them, smiling a little. After everything Blaine had told him about her he felt a bit insecure and nervous. What if her heart stopped while everyone was singing? What if she passed out because of her heart? He was not sure if he could handle that, but he hoped, almost prayed that this wouldn't happen.

This small girl, so pale, always looking so exhausted deserved happy times, smiles, tons of smiles and good memories she could recall instead of always thinking about her sickness. Looking up he heard Elliott beginning to play on the guitar, the others clapping their hands and stamping a rhythm with their feet. Then Blaine began to sing, catching everyone's attention around them.

_Can you feel it?  
>Now it's coming back we can steal it.<br>If we bridge this gap,  
>I can see you<br>Through the curtains of the waterfall. _

Kurt smiled, Emma too and then Eric sang, of course looking at her while he did that.

_When I lost it,  
>Yeah you held my hand,<br>But I tossed it,  
>Didn't understand,<br>You were waiting,  
>As I dove into the waterfall. <em>

Everyone began to clap, more and more people joined the little crowd and sang along.

_So say Geronimo!  
>Say Geronimo!<br>Say Geronimo!  
>Say Geronimo!<br>Say Geronimo!  
>Say Geronimo!<br>Say Geronimo! _

He watched his friends dance, sing, smiling and moving his foot to the rhythm but always took a look at Emma. She smiled, moved a bit to the music and he could tell her eyes were wandering around but always stopping at Eric. A little flame of happiness began to burn inside of him because he knew how she never experienced those feelings. Happiness, friendship, love and he was sure she felt that around them, and maybe tiny bit of love for Dani's cousin. Yeah, they were all her friends but him. So he swallowed his pride, his bitterness that she got to spend so much with Blaine and squeezed her shoulder gently.

A surprised look was what she gave him and then a smile which he returned. It was not her fault, nothing of that was her fault. If Blaine decided to say no and focus on her it was his decision. Or maybe he just didn't like Kurt that much. However, when he looked up, hand still on her shoulder, he met Blaine's eyes and heard the words he sang.

_Can you feel my love?  
>Bombs away,<br>Bombs away,  
>Bombs away.<br>Can you feel my love?  
>Bombs away,<br>Bombs away,  
>Bombs away,<br>Say Geronimo! _

Kurt raised an eyebrow when Blaine turned back to the others, singing with them along and then began a solo part.

_Well I'm just a boy,  
>With a broken toy,<br>All lost and coy,  
>At the curtains of the waterfall.<br>So it's here I stand,  
>As a broken man,<br>But I've found my friend,  
>At the curtains of the waterfall. <em>

This boy always looked at him whenever he sang. Like he tried to tell him something through the words he sung. But Kurt refused to let those words touch his heart, he tried but failed because this boy did things which were a contrast to the stuff he told Kurt. How he didn't want to date anyone or even go on dates because of Emma, because he would go back to San Francisco in a couple of months. For a moment he felt the urge to tell Blaine to stop doing that, the serenading because it was confusing and it hurt.

* * *

><p>The next week was filled with laughter, with collecting memories and getting to know each other. Together they showed Emma all the stuff she never got to see and it didn't seem to bother her that she couldn't join them in a rollercoaster, or do anything that required physical strength. For her it was enough to see those things and get to know them through words and eyes.<p>

Eric always flirted with her, always tried to make her smile and impress her. He didn't even notice that one look from him was enough to make her smile. Anyone else did, even Blaine who then became an overprotective parent. Whenever he caught Eric flirting or giving her looks and smiles he, first, shoot him a warning glare and second told him to stop doing that. At some point they all agreed that Blaine needed to calm down because the point was to have a good time.

Also, Eric would have never done something that was not good for her. He would never put her into any kind of danger and compared to the hard flirting he used to do, Kurt noticed how he backed off and was careful with what he said and did. It was nice to see how Dani's cousin had changed.

Kurt, who never was a friend of hot summer days, somehow found a spot right next to her while the others sang, did silly things or enjoyed the sea. It was okay because he really began to like this girl and felt the need to make her happy, just like anyone else. How on earth could he ever dislike her?

One afternoon they sat on a blanket, an umbrella keeping them both safe in the shadows because the hot sun was not good for Emma and not for Kurt's skin – which became pretty red if he spent too much time under the sun. Emma loved music, loved art and she loved dresses. Something Kurt also loved – well he loved everything about fashion. So the ended up drawing dresses for her and he enjoyed that he was the only one who could do that and make her smile and her eyes sparkle.

Though this girl was pale and everyone could see how weak she was pretty, really pretty and he imagined to go shopping with her and try several dresses on.

But that was something she couldn't do. It would have been too much for her heart. Only then he realized what a sad life she must have had. Shopping was such a simple thing and she couldn't even do that.

"What's that on your belt though?" he asked her, hearing their friends yelling and having fun in the background.

"It's my pager," she said and showed it to Kurt: "It will make a beeping sound if they have a new heart for me."

He eyed it and tried to understand how important it was. That, when it began to make a noise there was a chance for her to survive. All her hopes, her dreams were connected to this small thing. It was hard to imagine what it meant for Emma.

"Kind of scary, huh? I'd probably lose it so you better keep it to yourself."

She laughed, a small laugh because she knew she couldn't laugh as hard as she, perhaps, wanted to. But he made her laugh regardless and that was good.

"Blaine has like three of those just in case we really lose one."

"Yeah, he is pretty overprotective," he said and gave it back to her. After hearing the story of Blaine and Emma and seeing just how protective he was, Kurt understood what bothered him so much the moment they met. His first thought was love, that they were more than just friends. But his theory got broken day after day and it broke completely when he heard they were not together. Now he had a whole new idea what they were and how they functioned. Emma wanted to just enjoy stuff and was careful. Blaine wanted to same for her but instead of letting her enjoy things, he literally tried to keep her away from that as well.

"He is though. But he is just worried. I always tell him I'm okay and if I feel like it's too much I'll say something," then she laughed, a little warm laugh which went straight to his heart: "When he heard my story he cried like a baby and wanted to do anything so I'd never feel alone again. But, you are right, he is overprotective. I hope he wont get a heart attack himself because he worries more than I do."

Kurt actually laughed about that though the joke was pretty rude, considering that a heart attack would probably kill her. Just... hearing that this girl could joke about her sad and terrible situation told him how brave she truly was.

"How long do you know each other?" asked Kurt taking a sip from his cold water.

"Since February this year. He came into my room and told me about his mother and the nurse who took care of me being friends and that he wanted to be my guardian. It was weird, you know? I've dreamed about someone who cares about me for so long and then there he was. But he is always with me, always taking care and never doing anything for himself."

He felt bad how angry he was about Emma when he and Blaine went out for coffee. It was not her fault that he left.

"But he went out with you, right?" Emma asked like she was not sure if this ever had happened.

"Uh, yeah, we did."

"Good," she smiled like she knew something. She smiled in a way Elliott and Dani did when they talked about Blaine and how he always looked at Kurt, sang to Kurt and brought him coffee.

"I... actually asked him out on a date. But he said no."

"He did?"

Kurt nodded slowly and heard how Emma let out an annoyed sigh.

"Blaine can be pretty stupid. He talks about you all the time. How much he enjoys your voice and how he wants to spent some time with you alone."

"He... does?"

"He does. But when I tell him to go out he won't because he can't leave me alone. I understand that but some hours alone won't kill me."

He stared at her, mouth slightly open and needed some second before he could say anything. Blaine talking about him? Yeah, he thought, just another aspect that confused him. Why would he do all that, singing, talking about him if he is not interested? It made no sense at all and Kurt was not stupid. He saw it, his friends saw it and Emma knew it that Blaine felt something for him.

When it was getting dark they went back to their house and Kurt and Dani prepared something to eat while Blaine took care of Emma. Santana, Eric and Elliott were outside preparing the fireplace. Later, when it was already dark outside and the fire burning they sat down on the wooden benches, eating, drinking and talking about what they had seen in the past week. Kurt though was distracted by his phone. He turned it on to call his father and tell him that he had a great time with his friends and was doing fine. Which turned out to be a mistake because he got several texts from Matt.

"We said no phones, Kurt," remembered Santana him. "Expect for Emma."

"I know," he groaned and turned his phone off again, not wanting to read how Matt needed to see him and needed to spend some time with him. It would have been wrong to give him false hope and he didn't want to have sex with him. It was no longer the break and satisfying feeling it used to be.

"Your Dad is okay?" asked Elliott.

"What? Oh, yes. He is fine. It's Matt who sends me text after text asking me to come over and talk."

"What does he want though? He is so clingy lately," commented Santana and Kurt was not sure if he should say something. Only when he looked back to Blaine, seeing his curious look he thought, fuck it. Blaine acted weird and confused Kurt then he had every right to show him that there were more boys interested in him. Maybe it was childish but Kurt didn't care at that moment.

"He wanted to come out and me to be his boyfriend."

Elliott already knew that, Santana made big eyes and Dani opened her mouth to say: "But you said no?"

Kurt waited, noticing how Blaine seemed to be shocked about that and also saw how Emma nudged him with her elbow, a serious look on her face. Eric frowned. Those seconds of seeing Blaine's face was enough to convince him that there was, indeed, more he must have felt for Kurt.

"Of course. I'm not interested in him but he seems to be serious."

"Kurt, please. If you two get together it means we have to spent time with Katy. I don't need more drama and I know there will be more drama. She tries to hit on Eric since the day she saw him," complained Dani.

"Does she?" asked Kurt and Elliott in unison.

Eric just shrugged while he ate a marshmallow: "I told her I'm not interested but it kind of didn't get into her head."

"That's Katy. She lives in her own little world and doesn't really listen to anyone," said Kurt and rolled his eyes. He remembered the times when he visited Matt, just wanting to have a good time with him and she just ignored it, walking into Matt's room and wanting to talk to them about something.

"Whatever, can we talk about something else? I really don't need a headache because we are talking about Katy," suggested Santana and Elliott nodded, reaching behind him for his guitar and began to play a nice melody, making Emma smile about that.

Kurt just leaned back, listening while eating his own marshmallow and watched the four people across from him. Emma was smiling at Elliott, listening with wide, shining eyes, Eric watched her and Blaine, well, he still gave Kurt this look like he was shocked but also fighting a conflict inside of him. He almost felt sorry for Blaine because he only wanted to wake him up and show him, that there were also other people interested in him. But making him feel bad was not his goal.

An hour later they all sang a silly song together, laughing because no one got the lyrics right. Dani stood up, laughing and taking their plates as she walked inside to get a blanket for Emma. Santana brought the beer and handed everyone, but Emma, one.

"I'd like to sing something," said Blaine and Elliott more than willingly handed him his guitar. Emma moved away from Blaine to give him some space for his guitar and got closer to Eric who, for the first time, seemed really nervous. He always played cool and seemed so good at flirting. With Emma it was different and Kurt had no doubt he was serious about her. Still, it was heartbreaking to imagine that he fell for her – and maybe even she for him – though her time was limited. Life was unfair sometimes, he knew that but he never stopped wishing for the best to happen.

Dani came back and gave her cousin the blanket who put it around Emma and got a thankful, beautiful smile in return from her. Elliott began to talk about the courses he and Dani wanted to attend and Santana said something about that this was not going to happen, if they wanted to work and study because it would have been too much for them. A discussion began, Emma leaned against Eric who had the softest expression ever on his face and Kurt listened to the melody Blaine began to play but only paid close attention when he heard the words.

_It's a little bit funny this feeling inside  
>I'm not one of those who can easily hide<br>I don't have much money but boy if I did  
>I'd buy a big house where we both could live <em>

This song was burned into his head, he knew each word, each note because he had seen this movie so many times. However, hearing Blaine singing it and playing this quiet sound was a new experience and of course his heart began to go crazy, beating for him again.

_If I was a sculptor, but then again, no  
>Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show<br>I know it's not much but it's the best I can do  
>My gift is my song and this one's for you <em>

Watching Blaine play and sing a song was like leaving this world and go to a place where only the two of them were. Where he could watch Blaine for hours and sink into the soft sounds he made. It was like always, his voice washed over him, inside him and wanted Kurt's voice to sing along and become one voice. Kurt just wondered how something magical seemed to be so natural. For him to see and for Blaine to do.

_And you can tell everybody this is your song  
>It may be quite simple but now that it's done<br>I hope you don't mind  
>I hope you don't mind that I put down in words<br>How wonderful life is while you're in the world _

This time he didn't look away when their eyes met. Kurt looked right back, pass the flames dancing under them and right into those golden orbs which said so much more than Blaine sang. They said everything Blaine never said out loud and maybe never would. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Blaine didn't feel anything for him and just liked him as a friend.

_So excuse me forgetting but these things I do  
>You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue<br>Anyway the thing is what I really mean  
>Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen <em>

Sometimes people just read things wrong, sometimes they just imagined things. This, though, how Blaine looked at him, sang to him... he couldn't be wrong. How could those eyes lie? Eyes never lied and Blaine's were shining, connecting with Kurt in this special, almost terrifying way. Like they were trying, desperately, to reach out for Kurt and connect while Blaine forced his body not to. Not only his eyes but also his voice. They were screaming, reaching out and yet Blaine refused.

_And you can tell everybody this is your song  
>It may be quite simple but now that it's done<br>I hope you don't mind  
>I hope you don't mind that I put down in words<br>How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

Kurt just wanted to know why. Why would Blaine say no and refuse to follow what his voice and eyes already said. What all the songs he had sung to Kurt already said. All the sweet songs, the love songs, the lyrics about how he saw him as something special, someone he loved or wanted to love.

It was not Emma, that Kurt knew. The reason why, was something else he couldn't see yet and, perhaps, never would. But he was determined to figure it out. Because the truth always came out.

_I hope you don't mind  
>I hope you don't mind that I put down in words<br>How wonderful life is while you're in the world _


	8. Tease

So, people said they like to have more than one update once a week. Here we are now, and I figured it is even better for me because this fic is already planned out and I can focus on other fics as soon as this one is finished. If anyone is interested, while writing this chapter I've been listening to two songs: Adham Shaikh - Water Prayerand Alex Vargas - More (Usher Cover). Also some quiet songs :) And thanks for the reviews AND also glad I could make people happy with the song (Geronimo) I used in the previous chapter! I love it too!

* * *

><p>Chapter 7. Tease<p>

Everyday they walked through the town, ate something and then to the beach. It was just a really nice vacation where they all got to know each other and forget their responsibilities for days. Laughs and songs ruled their days. Only at night, Kurt went into his and Blaine's room he felt restless and pretended to sleep or talked with Blaine about the day. It happened maybe once or twice. But that night, after he had sung this song for him – there was no way he could be wrong because through the whole song they stared at each other. Hell, Blaine even missed how Emma and Eric were holding hands and that was something he could literally sense, when Eric just came too close.

Blaine did not and Kurt either. Elliott was the one who told him that and surprised Kurt but also made him kind of happy. Since he knew more about Emma and also knew that Eric's intention were honest and no ulterior motives. If he were Emma's guardian he wouldn't stand between them and let her experience love. Honestly, how could it be bad for her? Blaine held her hand too, made her smile too and Eric would never do something that was too much for her.

He just made her happy and they liked each other. Kurt really saw no harm in that. Yeah, sex was maybe too much for her heart to take, but this? Hand holding and maybe a kiss? He doubted this could seriously harm her.

After a shower he went into his room, finding Blaine sitting on his bed and his eyes immediately met Kurt's when he opened the door. Okay, that was definitely different and not what he was used to, Blaine staring so openly at him and not even trying to hide it.

"Everything's okay?" he asked as he walked towards his bed and crawled under the covers.

Blaine only nodded but never looked away. Kurt waited, looked back but Blaine remained silent and he lay back down, closing his eyes and ready to fall asleep. Not so much luck, Blaine finally asked.

"So, this Matt guy is kind of stalking you or?"

Okay, Kurt was not expecting this but hoping for it. This question told him that it truly bothered Blaine that there were other guys beside him. That there was someone who liked him in a not friendship way but more. Someone who wanted them to be more. He wanted this to bother Blaine and it felt like he was right thinking this.

"Not really. We are friends and he asked me if we could be more." No need to tell Blaine what he and Matt did. It was nothing he ever shared with anyone but the people he trusted. Ones because Matt was not out and second, he didn't want people to think he just fucks around or was an easy catch. Because he was not.

He wanted to have a person that just liked, even loved him for who he was. He wanted to love a person for who the person was and be romanced, be loved. He wanted it all, the dates, the shy kisses, the slow build up and the deep fall into love. It was his little wish he had since he came to New York. But it was a wish that needed time and couldn't come true easily like studying at NYADA.

Also, most of the time his feelings for Blaine frustrated Kurt instead of making him happy. It was not supposed to feel like this when he liked someone, right?

"And you don't want to?"

"No. He is not out and proud and I don't feel anything for him. But he is still my friend, a good person and I don't know... maybe I'll visit him when we get back. When things calmed down, that is."

Perhaps it was unfair to tell Blaine the whole truth. That he didn't want to get involved into this and give Matt any hopes because it was pointless anyway. For some reason Kurt knew that, as long as Blaine was within reach and not somewhere in San Francisco doing something, he would wait. Wait and hope and tease because there was obviously something Blaine felt for him.

He not only saw it, like anyone else did, but Emma also didn't seem to be person to tell lies. Why would she? Anything Emma did or say was always pure, innocent, honest and coming right from her too weak heart. This girl had no reason to lie to him.

"Why do you ask though?"

"Just... wanted to make sure you're... okay. I guess."

"Yeah, I'm fine... whatever. Sleep tight."

His frustration was just growing and he was sure, one more word and he would have snapped at Blaine. So he turned away from him and closed his eyes, begging his sleep to just come.

* * *

><p>It were their last two days and Elliott and Kurt were cleaning the dishes in the kitchen. Finally some time alone with his roommate who knew him and understood him different from Dani. Elliott was gay too, went through familiar things and lived together with Kurt.<p>

In the past two weeks he didn't get to chance to do that. Not really. He was too focused on Blaine or Eric. Eric who got closer to Emma despite Blaine's attempt to not let that happen, Elliott was a summer person enjoying the hot sun and the beach – just like Dani and Santana. Emma enjoyed everything. And Blaine?

Kurt noticed new sides on Blaine. He was not only insanely talented and charming, he was also a really good person – like he didn't know that already because he became the guardian of a girl he had never met before in his life. Whenever they walked through the town to eat something or play some games and buy souvenirs, Blaine just not only made the people around them smile, no. He also gave some money to every artist, to a homeless teenager, helped wherever and whenever he could.

Kurt wondered if this was just his nature or if it meant something else. Maybe he was just as high from the vacation and the break they deserved as Kurt was. Who knew that. He and his friends did this stuff too, just needed to be more careful with their money since they didn't get that much. Maybe Blaine's family was simply rich? Maybe Emma was, for some reason?

Whatever it was, he just fell more and more for this boy and couldn't stop his heart and feelings. Even after Blaine telling him he didn't date or went out on dates, the feelings were still there. Left was a deep frustration instead of the feeling that made him feel like he was flying into full bliss.

"Emma told me that Blaine truly likes me."

"It's kind of obvious, don't you think? I noticed his look when you talked about Matt."

"Yeah, but I don't get it. He acts all flirty and shit but when I ask him out he says no. It's like a punch in the face, you know? I want to be over him but I'm rather confused, angry even.

Elliott kept on cleaning while Kurt dried the dishes and spoke on: "He also apologized for it and told me how he would go back to San Francisco when Emma doesn't need him anymore."

"Sounds more like a lame excuse if you ask me."

"Right? I mean... if she, you know, then I understand why he wouldn't want to come back. But we are his friends and he's too nice to just ignore us. I'm sure he would visit, at least, you."

Elliott frowned while he cleaned the last plate.

"He also asked me if I want something from Matt and the reason was to make sure I was okay."

"Weeeeiirrd," commented his friend and dried his hands while Kurt dried the last plate and put it back into the cupboard and closed it.

"I just don't know," groaned Kurt and sat down on the chair next to the table, taking his glass of water and heard Dani laughing outside – she and Eric were cleaning the fireplace Santana was out with Blaine and Emma for grocery. "He likes me, he fucking sings to me whenever he can and he obviously has something against the idea that I might be interested in Matt. Yet he says no when I get my head out of my ass and ask him to go out on a date."

"Maybe he is a virgin or something. I don't know if he ever dated anyone. But I kind of don't feel those vibes coming from him. However, I think you deserve better, Kurt," spoke Elliott and took his own glass while Kurt looked up at him: "He is not a bad guy, he is a good friend, cute and a sweetheart, really. But he is sending signals and yet saying no to you and I think you don't deserve that. You deserve better than that."

"But I can't get him out of my fucking head. I can't stop what I feel and it just became more and more since we share a room. Not that anything happened but... we talk sometimes about stuff and I just..."

All those little things about Blaine were literally pushing him closer, like this boy had some Kurt-magnet. It was not just his smile, his eyes, his talent. It was how he drank his coffee, how he helped other people, how he always made sure that others were smiling as well. How he took care of Emma though she was not his sister nor his friend. She was someone he got to know through his mother and just decided to help her and have some amazing months. That her life became a life before she dies.

But beside all of that he just felt this connection to Blaine. Like his soul and heart knew they belonged there. It was scary and totally new to him and it even hurt sometimes. Maybe this was the kind of love. Falling so hard that it hurt.

"I get that but I still think you deserve better. I'm not saying you should give up. Only you know how much you can handle. But, maybe, now is not the time for you two, you know? If you are meant to be, you'll find a way and it doesn't have to happen right now."

"Really, Elliott, meant to be? You think that?"

"I don't know? I just think that if two people are meant to be they'll find a way and I think we all have a person we are meant to be with. However, don't waste your time, really. If he doesn't want to it's his loss aaaand, we should go out tonight."

"Go out? Where?" asked Kurt and eyed suspiciously his friend's smirk.

"To the beach parties. We've been there last year too and it was fucking amazing."

Kurt remembered that. There were these little bars with a huge dance ground made of wood and several places to sit. The music was even loud enough to dance on the sand – but this was pretty exhausting. However it was fun to dance under the stars, flirt with some guys and enjoy drinks together with his friends.

"It was, before Eric decided to flirt with every girl and got called out on that by their boyfriends."

Elliott snickered about that and even Kurt did because though it was pretty drama filled it was also a pretty good time.

"Well, Eric is now head over heals for Emma and will probably behave. Also, Santana said something about a girls night and they'll kick us out anyway."

Actually, this sounded like a nice idea. Kurt loved to dance and forget everything around him and maybe he could find something, someone that distracted him for a while. All these thoughts and questions about Blaine were just unhealthy and there was so much to do in the future. Like getting a degree at NYADA. But when you fell in love you did and there was no way out of it that fast.

"I think that it would not only be good for you and me but also for Blaine. Taking care of Emma takes all his time and even she wishes he could take a break. With Dani and Santana here he doesn't have to be worried. And, maybe, he'll loosen up a bit."

Kurt nodded to that but was not convinced about the part about Blaine. He said no, he sounded so determined. There was really no point in getting his hopes up but just enjoy an evening out.

* * *

><p>As soon when the girls came back Santana and Dani called it a girls night. Blaine of course was against it.<p>

"I can't just go and leave her alone. I know what to do if something happens," was what he said as they were all standing in the kitchen.

"Blaine, get your head out of your ass and let her be for some hours, okay?" groaned Santana, clearly tired about his protectiveness: "We are here with her, talking, eating something and later we'll go watch the firework. We just want to have a girls night which includes girl talk and paint our nails and smear something healthy in our faces."

Elliott murmured something about gender roles, Kurt eyed Blaine and Eric looked like he wanted to stay as well. Emma just stared at her guardian, not pleading, not sad, she just stared at him and something happened while she did that.

"You need a break too, Blaine," tried Dani: "We know you love to take care of her but you both need some time with other people. She never had a girls night and we are here to make her happy, right? She really wants that."

Dani was always so good at reasoning and convincing people without losing her nerves, like Santana did. Once again Kurt noticed just why they worked together and why they were perfect for each other. Not only because they loved the other but because they complimented the other and filled the gaps the other had.

It took them all some more convincing and, eventually, Blaine groaned, giving a grumpy okay. They ate supper together and then the boys left the house, heading to the beach. Kurt kept his distance to Blaine, busy with his thoughts about what to do. But there was not much to think about because all he wanted to do was drink, dance, maybe flirt but, more over, forget. Forget how Blaine is so obviously interested but still said no when Kurt asked him out. Forget that his heart maybe never found a place in Blaine's because he wanted to leave New York anyway.

Elliott, perhaps, was right about that this was not the right time. Or maybe that they were not right for each other. He wanted this to be true but it didn't feel like that. Saying no because Blaine would leave? That was something they could change. But if he said no because he didn't like Kurt as much as Kurt liked Blaine? Well, that was something he couldn't change and also something he didn't know for sure.

They reached the beach and already heard the bass from the music, familiar words sung and people talking and laughing. Kurt looked up, seeing the open bar and how drink after drink got sold, while people were dancing on the wooden ground, some sitting at the tables and others laughing, while standing even dancing on the sand. Of course there was the DJ, moving to the songs too while the lights from his stage reached out to the sky and down to the dancing people.

Yeah, a usual summer party.

"First round is on me guys. I guess I owe you that because you took care of me last year," grinned Eric.

"You owe us more than that. We pulled you out of your shit more than once," commented Kurt and heard how Blaine snorted but didn't look at him. Fuck his snorting sound, how could this sound adorable?

Eric only grinned more as they walked on the sand and finally reached the wooden stairs to the bar. Kurt looked to his right, watching the people dance and noticed guys dancing with guys, which was good and nothing new. Last year he had a lot of fun here but tonight? All he could think of was dancing with Blaine and maybe get closer and finally figure out what was wrong with him. Why he gave him all of these lovely things but didn't want to go on a date.

He sighed looking back to his friends and saw Eric rolling his eyes while Elliott ordered their drinks but Eric paid for it. Right, he was just 18 years old, no way they'd give him any kind of alcohol. Kurt already eyed the cocktails, pretty sure he needed one of those sooner or later.

"Alright, guys," spoke Elliott and handed them all a beer: "Let's have some fun tonight."

They held their cups up and Kurt took a large gulp of it just to calm his nerves and wanted to show that he enjoyed this as much as Elliott did. Eric did too but he could see how he wanted to be at home rather than here, just like Blaine. Both worried about Emma, that was for sure. So he broke the ice, and started to talk about last year.

"Do you still have contact with that guy, Elliott? The one from last year?"

"I do not and you know why," groaned his friend.

"The one stalking you? He was pretty stupid, you know?" smirked Eric.

"Yeah, I know, stop mocking me for this. He was an idiot, later, but he seemed to be a nice guy."

"He was nice enough to not ravish you on the dance floor," smirked Eric and Kurt tried not to laugh.

"At least I was not the one having five girls around me and almost caused a shitstorm," commented Elliott and drank his beer.

"Well, those times are over."

Kurt noticed how Eric looked at Blaine right after his words and noticed the judging look Blaine gave him while he had spoken. Of course, he wouldn't let Eric close to Emma if all he had in mind was playing with her.

"It better be," said Blaine.

They drank some more and ended up talking about TV shows they've been watching, thanks to Elliott who brought it up. Soon they found each other in a debate about characters, writers and then they shared gossip about NYADA which Kurt and Elliott had tons of. Their third drink was emptied, the music still playing, people still dancing and even Blaine seemed to be more relaxed.

Not just that, he also kept on staring at Kurt, which Kurt, of course, noticed. Whenever he laughed Blaine was smiling, laughing too with this spark in his eyes. Whenever someone spoke he paid attention but also looked back at Kurt to just see his reaction. When Kurt talked Blaine gave him his full attention and when Blaine talked Kurt felt like he was only talking to him. About his favorite bands, about how amazing San Francisco was. It was amusing but at the same time he hated how Blaine played with his heart.

Did he not understand how Kurt felt? No, he knew Blaine was not stupid, right? So why keeping this game up? Asking him out again was not an option for Kurt because, it might have been a silly, even childish thought, but it was Blaine's turn. Kurt already opened up and didn't have to do it twice. Not yet that was.

Looking down he listened to Elliott talking about the dog his parents once had and how he ate everything. Blaine actually laughed, didn't look back to the road they came and Kurt just loved this sound. His voice did all these things to his soul and heart that he just wanted to listen to him every day. At some point Blaine stood up, saying he wanted to dance.

Kurt watched him go, while Eric got them another beer, taking the moment to breath and let his guard fall. He wanted to dance too, dance with Blaine and be the horny, head over heels in love young adult he was.

"You should go and dance too," said Elliott while Kurt stared at his cocktail.

"And make a fool of myself. I already did that."

He let his finger run over the rim of the glass and felt the gentle nudge against his side. Looking up he met Elliott's eyes, saw his heading pointing to the mass of dancing people and there he saw Blaine. Small Blaine, bow tie loose and head already sweaty as he moved his body to the rhythm of the not too slow song. All people were dancing like they were high, high on life and grinding against each other. Some in a seductive way some followed the rhythm. Blaine though, Blaine was dancing with a guy, showing him his stupid sweet smile.

This made Kurt almost furious. He said no to a date, no to Kurt, explained why he wasn't up for dating because he would leave anyway. Yet he let some guy close, touch his small waist and come too close to his face. Blaine wanted to play games? Fine, because Kurt could play too.

"Have fun," said Elliott when Kurt stood up and walked towards the dancing people. He made sure to be in Blaine's eyeshot and, of course, their eyes found each other. Good, thought Kurt and slowly began to dance, knowing well enough that he was a good dancer and had a good body. No need to be shy now because Blaine started the game.

It didn't take long and the first guy came closer, smiling, looking nice and Kurt smiled back as he danced up to him. He let the stranger with blond hair, looking like a total sunny boy, wrap his arm around his middle, let him get a bit closer but not too close and danced, just danced to the rhythm and following the pleasant beat.

Dancing was always a way to let go from everything and forget everything for a while. He enjoyed to move his body to a sound, close his eyes and dance until he couldn't dance anymore. He loved to just fall into the music and be for a while. That's what he did, dance, smile at the guy and forget because then he knew, he was a magnet for guys. Just like last year.

It was not like he had wanted anything back then. Kurt enjoyed that he was a catch, that people thought he was attractive and that he could make a guy crazy. It was good for his self esteem. Those days when he was insecure about his body or his looks were long over, right when he joined New York were being gay was not a sin or wrong. Then, when he and Matt agreed on being friends with benefits he still was surprised but also pleased that someone like Matt, the guy everyone wanted, wanted him.

But a good body, a good look was no relationship material if the person had a shitty personality or was just not compatible with who Kurt was. Blaine though, he was not that tall, he was not that what the media considered the perfect male body – just like Kurt wasn't. However, for others, for himself he was and so was Blaine for him.

Blaine, Kurt remembered and looked behind his shoulder watching how Blaine still danced and the guy tried to get his attention but failed. The golden eyes were still focused on him, staring, like he tried to say something and Kurt turned back to his dancing partner, smiling and falling deeper and deeper into the dance. But as soon as the guy came closer, too close, he shook his head and wanted to push him away what someone else did for him.

Blaine appeared at his right side, sliding in front of Kurt and making the guy take two steps back until he was lost between the dancing people. Having Blaine so close let Kurt see the warning spark in his eyes, how he pressed his lips together to not say anything rude and then he looked back at Kurt, eyes shining in gold and green and Kurt was trapped. The moment their eyes met and saw what he didn't expect to see, so, he forgot everything around him.

There was a hint of jealousy, also something challenging, but possessiveness was what shown the most from those eyes. The kind of possessiveness that told others no one got a chance to dance with him, no one was allowed to touch Kurt. He was still Blaine, charming and nice Blaine but he was also a guy that just wanted to have this place. Right in front of Kurt, right next to Kurt. Just like Kurt wanted to be the same for Blaine. Hands held found his hips, holding them and both began to move, slow following the sound and when Kurt let his hands rest on Blaine's arm he felt a shiver ran down his spine.

If this simple touch made him feel all of this, dizzy, warm and like he was leaving this time and space just to be alone with him, what did it feel like to do more? What did it feel like to step closer and feel Blaine's body against him? What did it feel like to feel Blaine's skin on his? What did it feel like to kiss him? If it was anything close to what he felt now, just hands on his hips and his own resting on Blaine's arms, he was sure he would fucking leave this world for good and fall into utter bliss.

He wanted to know, God he needed to know so he kept his eyes on Blaine's, smiling, almost smirking as they danced together, not letting his guard down which showed one thing. That though he felt the happiest and wanted to give in, he acted like it was nothing special, like he was just some guy he got to dance with. But his eyes were challenging, trying to attract Blaine from this place in his mind where he refused to say yes. To just say yes and be with him. Yeah, he knew he was a freaking tease right now but Kurt couldn't care less.

A whine, Kurt was sure he had heard a whine and then felt hands around his face, holding him gently, warm but making him shiver even more, shiver in anticipation and finally, finally he felt Blaine's lips on his. A kiss that was not sweet, not rough but a kiss they both had needed for so long. A kiss they longed for since the moment they had met and Kurt melted into it, melted against Blaine and never wanted to stop kissing him.

* * *

><p>He remembered how they kept on kissing, tasting strawberry on those lips, how Blaine's tongue touched his, how his voice made all these wonderful noises and shooting right through Kurt's body. That was all he remembered, the kiss, the hands clutching, touching and holding the other close.<p>

At some point they had left the dance floor, the bar, walked through the sand and stopped, several times to kiss again and again. It was like a switch had been pressed inside him, inside Blaine and kissing was all they could do. Kissing was all Kurt wanted to do because he was scared that this was a dream. That he would wake up any minute and groan in frustration. That Blaine would change his mind and stop doing that. He didn't want and didn't need that.

Kissing Blaine, feeling his hands around his face, on his back, his waist was doing these things to him. The sparks, the shivers, everything shot right through his body and didn't scare him. In fact, he wanted more and breaking apart, now, he was sure it would kill him. The way Blaine kissed Kurt made him feel drunk and he wasn't even that drunk. But kissing Blaine had that effect on him. Swept him off the ground, made him feel new things, stronger, deeper things.

He had kissed some guys but never felt the way he did when Blaine's lips touched his. This was almost unreal.

"Fuck," breathed Blaine and Kurt smiled stupidly about that because, as far as he remembered, he never heard Blaine curse. But it was a sound he liked to describe as hot. Using the moment to look around he noticed how they were back on the street, safe from the streetlight and Blaine leaned against a tree, his hands still holding Kurt's hips, still holding him close. God, the house was not that far away but he was not sure if going back would have been a good idea. What if the girls were still there and not already waiting for the firework – Elliott was probably still at the party with Eric, letting them both be because he understood.

No longer kissing was just torture for his brain. Because he began to think, to question and realize what was going on. Luckily, Blaine apparently had lost his filter, all the walls too and his lips were back on Kurt's skin, kissing his jaw. Kissing the spot on his neck that made Kurt moan and buck against Blaine just to feel what all of this did to him. He was half hard, just like Kurt was. God, he wished they were alone in that beach house. Only them and could do whatever they wanted to do. Whatever this here even meant.

"Blaine," Kurt began to speak but couldn't say anything else because Blaine was kissing him again, in the best way possible. His fingers found their way into Blaine's hair, breaking the gel, letting the curls free and heard him breathing.

"I... I wanted to kiss you since the moment I saw you."

"Are you drunk?"

"No. I can't get drunk."

"Good," smiled Kurt and pressed his lips back against Blaine's feeling even better than he did before. For a second he thought that this happened because of the alcohol they had, though he was not even slightly drunk. It took a bit more than two beers and two cocktails to get him drunk. It also made sense that Blaine couldn't get drunk because Emma needed him. So, whatever happened between them was not happening because of a drunken mind that made them overcome all the inhibitions. It happened because they wanted this, because they were crazy about each other. Because seeing how one of them could have been gone with someone else made them jealous, made them finally take a step further – made Blaine take a step further.

The moment Blaine touched him, his eyes found Kurt's on the dance floor, they both were trapped and not able, not even wanting to get out. The drunken feeling? That came from all the kissing and touching which became less PG when his fingers wrapped around Blaine's belt and pulled him closer so he could feel how Kurt became harder. Feel how Blaine became harder himself.

"I want you," whispered Blaine against Kurt's lips.

Kurt nodded like it was the only thing he truly could do. They went back to the house, seeing that all the lights were out and maybe the girls left to eat something or watch the firework. Kurt unlocked the door, pulled his phone out and texted Elliott that they were busy, a code they came up when Kurt started to sleep with Matt. Blaine though didn't back off. His lips kissed each part of Kurt he could reach while his arms were wrapped around his body, keeping him close and making Kurt smile, almost giggle.

This side of Blaine was definitely one he liked. Usually he would have stopped, would have asked what this meant, what they meant. He didn't. He just wanted Blaine now. The door to their room got closed, locked by Blaine just to be pulled back into a feverish kiss. In this room Kurt felt safe, in this room no one could see them, no one could say something against this. Here was nothing that could distract them so he used the chance, kissing Blaine with all he had to let him feel and understand what he felt for him. Blaine gave him the same back.

After some minutes they slowed down, foreheads resting against the other and just breathing a sigh. It felt like his body had been waiting for this kiss, for having Blaine so close. It felt like his body had always been starving for this. For all of this. Eyes closed he felt Blaine moving, almost wanted to whine because he thought that was it, but then he felt the sweet, lovely kiss against his lips. Warm, giving and Blaine's hands unbuttoning his shirt.

Yes, he wanted this. He needed this. He needed more than just a kiss.

They undressed each other fast, but in a playful way with kisses and breathy laughter. With hands rather firm than unsure, with looks dark and wanting. Kurt thought a lot about those moments, had his own fantasies about sleeping with Blaine and how he always wanted to take his time. But in those fantasies Blaine was his, his boyfriend, his love and it didn't feel like that. This was more like his only chance to get close at all. At least it felt like that.

Both naked he sat on the bed, dragging Blaine with him so he was on top of Kurt and began to kiss Kurt again, as their bodies slotted together to perfectly. His hands immediately ran over Blaine's back, feeling the skin, the muscles, how warm he was, how real he felt and told himself to stop thinking that this was a dream.

Blaine broke the kiss just to look at Kurt for a second, to smile at him and then he moved his hips down, making them both moan and roll their eyes back. Fuck, thought Kurt as he moved up to meet Blaine, to press his hard cock against Blaine's, never had rutting against each other felt this good. God, everything he did with Blaine felt just incredible and exactly what he wanted.

"Oh fuck, more please," was what fell out of his mouth before he placed his hand on the back of Blaine's head and pulled him back down to kiss some more. To feel more, the arousal, the need, just more until he forgot everything around him.

"Yes," moaned Blaine, sucking at Kurt's neck and driving him insane. God, more of that and he would come. Only because Blaine found the right spot there and did something magical.

"I want to feel you inside me, please," begged Blaine and Kurt nodded, licking his lips and trying to think. He needed lube, lube and a condom and he was sure he took some with him. Not because he had planned this but he remembered last year and how Elliott had needed those things.

"Yeah, okay. Just... let me get..," he stuttered, kissing Blaine again and again and then stood up, walking over to his bag to get the lube and condoms. He took two, just to be sure and didn't even think what view he gave Blaine. His mind was too busy with getting the stuff and getting back on the bed.

Turning around he found Blaine on his bed, touching himself while his eyes remained on Kurt's, smiling and then moving down, eying him from head to toe.

"You look so good, damn," whispered Blaine when Kurt came back, kneeling beside him and feeling the warm hand touching his thigh. "So beautiful," whispered Blaine and sat up to press kisses on Kurt's chest while he opened the bottle. Damn this boy and his words and his lips and what he did to him. Damn this boy touching his heart and soul, the places no one ever touched before. How could he be even real? How was Blaine able to say no over and over again when all Kurt could feel that, maybe, Blaine needed this more than he did.

Blaine was throughout eager and willing and wanting more. Every touch and kiss, even every word felt like Blaine tried to leave marks on him, so, that Kurt would never forget and never doubt just how much Blaine wanted to. How much he wanted from the start and finally they were here, connecting.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard a voice saying that this was all he needed. That this was the man he wanted to keep and never let go. But it was not the time to say that, nor the time to talk at all. Tomorrow, yes, tomorrow he would ask Blaine, talk with Blaine and then stop this stupid dancing around each other and finally be.

"Turn around," said Kurt and Blaine followed his words, presenting himself shamelessly and keeping his eyes on Kurt's face. God, he was so happy that he was no virgin at this moment. But...

"You... are not a virgin, right?"

"No," laughed Blaine in such a adorable way and then sighed when he felt Kurt's lubed finger nudging at his hole. He swallowed, breathed in and then pushed the first finger inside Blaine and all he thought was tight, hot, oh my God! He was here, touching Blaine, getting close to Blaine in this special way and feeling how he pushed back, how he wanted more drove Kurt crazy.

Bending down he kissed Blaine again, adding a second finger, pushing in and out, stretching him and listening to the noises falling from Blaine's mouth. A third finger followed and some minutes later Blaine broke the kiss, whispering that he was ready.

Kurt cleaned his fingers ad Blaine turn around on his back and spread his legs, making Kurt moan while he smiled blissfully. God, why did he look so good like that? Just lying there and touching his thick, cock while watching Kurt. Never had a man looked so good in Kurt's eyes like Blaine did at that moment. Condom open he rolled it down on his cock, added more than enough lube and slicked it up.

"I guess, Matt has no chance, huh?" breathed Blaine as Kurt positioned himself.

"Really, Blaine? Don't ruin the moment."

"I'm not. You've been teasing me when you came on the dance floor."

Kurt actually smirked aligning his cock and pressing a kiss to Blaine's lips before he spoke: "You were a tease for weeks."

But he said nothing, only hummed and kissed Kurt again. Not hungry, not deep, more like he wanted to apologize for bringing this up, for acting the way he did for weeks. It almost caught Kurt off guard, he almost expected puppy eyes, a sorry but the next words shoved this thought into the back of his mind.

"Get inside me, please."

Nodding Kurt did, slowly, gently pushing inside Blaine and biting his lip as tight, hot, amazing swallowed his cock. They moaned together, relaxed together to it was not too painful for Blaine but rather giving him the pleasure they both ached for more. This was definitely different compared to the other three people he and slept with.

Because this was Kurt Hummel, sleeping with a person he felt so much for. The person he fell in love with at the first sight and the person, that just did everything right. Each touch, each kiss, everything was just so right and he couldn't hold himself back anymore, just like Blaine.

"Move, please... fuck me," whispered Blaine and Kurt did, slowly sliding out and back inside. They moved together, taking, giving and kissing like this was the only way to breath. Kissing and moaning and holding the other close as Kurt thrust faster and faster into Blaine, telling him how good he felt, listening to the 'please more' and 'so good'.

One hand wrapped around Blaine's cock, making him almost scream and come immediately. The picture alone, how Blaine threw his head back, how he still held on tight to Kurt, how his eyes were in the back of his head and his mouth open and moaning _Kurt_. This send Kurt over the edge. Mind blank, thoughts silent he just held Blaine close and filled the condom.

He breathed together with Blaine, felt his heart beating against his chest and waited till they came down from their high. It were Blaine's hands, running soothingly through Kurt's hair that brought him back to reality. Back to feel and think again and looked up, meeting warm golden orbs and a pleased smile, plastered on those lips he needed to kiss before Kurt slipped out.

Blaine hissed gently, watching Kurt all the time – as he pulled out, rolled the condom off and made knot before he threw it into the trash. Kurt watched Blaine, read his face now that his mind was back on track and couldn't help but feel safe for that moment. The smile, pure bliss, the tan body relaxed and not showing one sign that he wanted to run away or that he regretted what happened.

"Feeling good?" asked Kurt and cleaned Blaine with his shirt watching him while his mind caught up with everything. Everything that just had happened and was no dream. It really happened, Blaine Anderson, the guy he had been thinking of for so long, falling for so long was in this bed Kurt used to sleep. With him, naked.

"Yeah, really good," sighed the other, his hand stroking Kurt's arm and sat slowly up so they could kiss again. There he felt it again, how something about the way Blaine kissed him caught Kurt off guard. How he held Kurt's head, caressed his cheek and kissed him so... God, he didn't even know but he couldn't understand everything. It just felt so damn right. So he kissed him back, as gentle, giving everything through a kiss what words couldn't say yet. But he needed to try, he needed to say something.

"Blaine-"

"Shhh," Blaine whispered gently, leaning his forehead against Kurt's cheek and pressing his finger against Kurt's lips. They breathed together, falling into their own little world both probably had no idea even existed and then Blaine whispered again.

"Just... kiss me and fall asleep with me. Please?"

"Okay."


	9. Game Over

Happy times are coming *u* well, for now...

* * *

><p>Chapter 8. Game Over<p>

In the past weeks Kurt didn't notice how tensed up his body had been. He knew it now, after his night with Blaine, and what a night it had been. Yes, the sex was rushed but not less lovely. Yes, they both couldn't wait to finally connect in this way, not wait to kiss more and more and just let himself fall. Sex was always amazing but with Blaine it was even better. Not just sex but something else. While actually doing it Kurt only felt a small spark of this special feeling. Later, when they came down from their high and Blaine asked him to just kiss until they fell asleep, then, he felt it.

Their kisses were not needy, not feverish nor hungry. They were kisses Kurt had always dreamed of. Kisses that made him breathless and his heart racing like crazy. Kisses that caused pain but also a good feeling. Kisses that went right through his whole being and broke the ground under him. Though he fell, he fell with Blaine and was not scared, not for one second. Then they fell asleep, together with Blaine in his arms and resting his whole body against Kurt's. Like it was meant to be that way and Kurt believed it was.

He woke up with a smile on his face but the spot to his left side was empty just like Blaine's bed as well. For several seconds he just blinked, remembered the night before and wondered if it had been a dream after all. It was not. He never slept naked, the used condom was still in the trash and his clothes also on the ground still. He reached out for his pants to get his phone and into his suitcase for fresh underwear. Okay, Blaine was probably taking care of Emma, like every morning with all her medication and stuff.

But then he heard loud voices and dressed up quickly. He left the room and found Dani standing in the door to their little garden, saw Elliott shaking his head and Santana rolling her eyes. Then he saw Blaine, Emma right behind him and Eric, both yelling at each other judging by their faces.

"I told you to leave her alone!"

"It was just a kiss, calm down! Jesus!"

Kurt joined Dani, giving her a smile but noticed her eyes, her raised eyebrows and was sure his hair looked like a mess and his face like he was in fucking heaven. He still was and the fight between Eric and Blaine couldn't stop that feeling.

"What's going on?" he asked Dani before she could say anything about his appearance.

"Blaine saw them kissing and basically freaked out," sighed Dani: "I mean I understand that she can't do certain things but a kiss? It's supposed to feel good and you can see that they like each other."

Oh yeah, kissing was amazing. Kissing Blaine was amazing and he remembered every kiss they had shared since last night. So, yeah, he understood that but he also understood Blaine.

"He probably wants to keep them both safe."

"Yeah, but Eric is not really understanding the whole situation."

The sadness in Dani's voice was clear to hear but she was right. Emma had only months left as far as they knew. Only if she got lucky and they had a new heart for her, than everything would be different. That was, sadly, not the case and Kurt knew, he would have done the same, trying to keep them both apart before more than one heart got broken.

"She has a weak heart, okay? We've talked about it and you know she can't handle those things! She is not some girl you just can take and run through the world," Blaine warned Eric.

"Fine whatever," sighed Eric and walked back into the house, letting them all hear how he shut the door.

"Let's pack our stuff, guys. We need to leave soon and I can't fucking wait to be back home," groaned Santana and left together with Dani, back to their room.

Kurt watched Emma and Blaine talk but couldn't hear a word. So he used the time to fix his hair, or rather what could be fixed without any product and met Elliott's eyes, watching him closely.

"I'll tell you later," said Kurt and decided it was better to pack now and then he could talk with Elliott. More importantly he needed the safety of his room again. The room he and Blaine shared and maybe, just maybe could figure out what the last night meant. Because it freaking felt like it meant something.

He went back, packed his stuff, made his bed and took his time until Blaine came back, eyes meeting the instant he opened the door. What Kurt saw on Blaine's face was not what he expected to see. He expected a smile, the warm glint in his eyes, something along those things. But Blaine looked away, closing the door behind him.

"You... okay?" Kurt asked hesitantly.

"Yeah... just Eric. Whatever, I need to pack and help Emma and make sure she is okay."

He watched Blaine going to his bed, dragging his suitcase out from under his bed and throwing all his stuff inside. Never had Kurt seen him so... furious. If Blaine Anderson was someone than a person of manners, a person who tried to do the right thing, a person who liked to help and was crazy talented. But Blaine Anderson was also an amazing kisser, caring, warm and his smile was one of the most beautiful things Kurt had seen.

This, though, he didn't like to seem him so angry and almost confused. The way he just threw his stuff in the suitcase, back out, back and forth. He was acting like a mess.

"Hey," spoke Kurt when he stood behind him and rested his hand on Blaine's. To his surprise Blaine really stopped what he was doing and his body wasn't that stiff anymore. Wow, thought Kurt, if he had this effect on him than maybe his thoughts weren't that silly after all. Maybe they were meant to be together – last night it did feel like that.

"Sorry," sighed Blaine and looked behind his shoulder, meeting Kurt's eyes. "I have to keep her safe for as long as possible."

"I know. I understand. But you have to be calm yourself otherwise you aren't helping anyone."

There it was, the smile Kurt ached to see and smiled back, leaning a bit closer and his eyes looked down to the lips he wanted to kiss. It felt like years since the last time he had kissed them though it was only hours. Blaine probably felt the same way because his eyes moved down, too, the smile gone and his hand reaching out, touching Kurt's cheek as they met in the middle.

Kurt breathed in through his nose, letting the feeling run through his body, over his skin and then it was over, way too soon but still making him feel drunk all over again.

"We'll talk later, okay?" whispered Blaine against his lips, his thumb stroking gently over Kurt's cheek while he nodded.

* * *

><p>The ride back was torture for them all. The girls drove together with Blaine and Emma and Kurt and Elliott had to listen to Eric complaining about how stupid Blaine actually was. Three hours long and when they finally got home they felt like they could sleep for days. Kurt left his suitcase in his room, just like Elliott and together the sat down in the living room, two glasses of rum with coke waiting for them already.<p>

"Fucking little brat," groaned Elliott when he sat down on the couch as Kurt made himself comfortable on the armchair. "He probably doesn't understand that Emma will die if she doesn't get a new heart."

A reality they all knew but managed to push out of their minds because Emma was doing fine so far. She never had a similar attack again, like the one in the auditorium. If this was a good sign or not Kurt didn't know but he wanted to think that this was a good thing. Miracles happened, right? So it was possible that she got a new heart or lived longer.

Kurt hoped that but for a whole other reason and it made him feel uncomfortable with himself. Emma living longer meant Blaine would stay longer and not just go back to San Francisco. Emma getting a new heart meant Blaine would go too, as far as he understood. But now, after their night, after all the things they had shared and felt, would Blaine still go? He hoped not, he really did.

"Who knows. I'm not really blaming him but it's not the right time and it makes me sad. She deserves it."

"She does, no question. It's just, like you said, not the right time," began Elliott, took a sip and spoke on: "Dying from a kiss? Sounds romantic but in reality it is not. Of course I want her to find love, start a family but... she can't now."

They both were silent for a while.

"Whatever. Ignoring Eric the idiot we had a pretty amazing vacation. Even you and Emma became friends," smiled Elliott and looked calmer. He was that type of person, he needed to talk his anger out and then he found the needed piece within himself.

"We are."

"And you and Blaine are a thing now, or?"

Kurt blushed. He truly blushed right up to the tip of his ears. He didn't know, he had no idea what they were but he knew, all the things they did and share, that was something.

"Oh my God, how adorable, you are blushing." cooed Elliott but his smile was teasing.

"Shut up, Gilbert," Kurt made himself busy, taking a sip to calm down and not just start gushing about Blaine. Well, not that his friend would mind anyway but he didn't want to jinx it. He and Blaine needed to talk and then he felt more like gushing. Right now he tried to handle his fast heart, beating strong and hot inside his chest whenever he thought about Blaine. Something he had never felt before for any guy.

"So?"

"What?"

"Come on, Kurt? You always told me about your nights with Matt. You know I won't tell a soul."

He was right, Elliott never ever shared anything Kurt had told him which was one of the reasons why they were friends and lived together. There was really no reason to hide anything only, that, what he had shared with Blaine was so precious to him that he just wanted to keep it for himself. Every kiss, every touch and word he just wanted to keep it in his memory and never share with anyone but Blaine.

"Well... I don't know what we are because we haven't talked about that yet. But... it was... lovely." He smiled, probably had this dreamy look and couldn't care less. Lovely, yes, the night had been lovely and hot and so much more than he ever experienced with a guy.

"Jeez, it hit you pretty hard. Harder than before."

Oh yes, it had hit him pretty hard. He was sure if he stood right now his knees would give in.

"Anyway, I see you won't share anything with me and you don't have to. I'm just happy for you."

Kurt smiled, feeling blessed that he had found such a good friend in Elliott.

"Thanks."

"Which doesn't mean that I didn't got lucky myself," smirked his friend and Kurt raised his eyebrows. Well, that was news to him.

* * *

><p>The next day he finally turned his phone on, reading the texts from Matt and not so sure what he should do. Ignoring them was cruel, he knew that. Kurt Hummel didn't like to ignore anyone because he himself didn't want to be ignored. Giving Matt any kind of hope was also wrong because there was no hope. Matt would always be the nice guy he had some good nights with. A friend maybe but never more. So he texted back, saying that he just came back from his vacation and would contact him as soon as Kurt found some time. He hoped he never found that time.<p>

Then he texted Blaine, asking if he was okay and if they could meet. There was no immediate answer, none an hour later, none the next day. He was not worried, he didn't think too much about it. Being back meant to get back into their old life, which included laundry, grocery shopping, planning for the theater group and catching up on everything they had missed. It was August, which meant NYADA would start in one month, also enough to focus on. Usually it had been enough but after the night he had shared with Blaine it was not that easy anymore. Whenever he found a moment of peace he reached out for his phone, waiting for a text but nothing came.

Then they met with their theater group and Kurt was excited, feeling giddy but got disappointed. Blaine was not there, Emma either. He waited though, helped where he could, talked because it was the polite thing to do but when the three hours were almost over he walked over to Dani, asking her if she knew anything. She did not just like Santana and Kurt was even more confused.

This was so unlikely Blaine to not show up or let them know what was going on. Especially this theater group made Emma happy and this was Blaine's main goal. They didn't show up on the second meeting and either on the third.

That night he went straight into his room, locked the door and fell on his bed, screaming into his pillow. Blaine hadn't answered, didn't show up and it almost felt like this had never happened. It felt like it didn't matter to Blaine as much as it did to Kurt. Maybe this was the case, maybe not. But whatever this was it was almost breaking his heart. The heart he wanted to give Blaine, would have given Blaine without any hesitation. This, exactly that he hadn't done that made Kurt feel a bit better, feeling a bit saver and more like he could hold himself together and not break apart.

But it was so hard because he never considered this as a simple hook up, as a one night stand thingy. Not after everything that had happened between them. The looks, the smiles, the songs, nothing of this felt like simple flirting and trying to get into each other's pants. It always felt like more and Kurt slowly even believed that it was more. Blaine probably did not and this hurt. It hurt to imagine that they all had been wrong from the start. Even Emma's words, how Blaine liked him, talked about him, they didn't reach his heart, crying for something he needed, wanted so bad.

The next morning Elliott spoke some sense into him. He reminded Kurt about Emma's sick heart and that Blaine was her guardian and that she, not like he and Kurt, needed to visit the hospital several times, needed to get checked, needed medication and more rest than them. It made sense but it didn't change the way Kurt felt. Used, almost though everything inside him screamed that Blaine would never use a person, not him not anyone.

But Kurt was hurt, frustrated and did something he regretted right after he did it. He texted Matt and said he was free today to meet him. They met, but at NYADA – Kurt needed to go to the library anyway – because he didn't want to meet him somewhere rather private. He went into the library, found the two books he needed and met his friend outside, two bottles of water in his hands.

"Thanks," said Kurt and enjoyed the cool feeling. He needed it because it was freaking hot.

"You're welcome," smiled Matt and they sat down on the gray stairs to the library. Kurt needed some minutes to calm himself down, to collect his thoughts before he would say anything stupid. So he took a sip, watched the few students walking up the stairs and some down. Matt spoke first.

"I wanted to apologize, Kurt. For the things I've said. I guess... I just wanted to make it right."

"It's okay, I'm not mad."

Kurt was really not mad, not at all. He just wasn't ready to deal with something like this. Breaking someone's heart while having a hard time to handle his own. Three weeks ago it was easier, now it was just terrible the way he felt.

"I came out to my parents. Told them I'm bisexual. They weren't really surprised but I was."

Kurt laughed, remembering how he came out to his dad and that he knew it before Kurt had told.

"Parents care about their children and usually know as better than we think they do."

Matt smiled, a warm one but becoming the sad one Kurt saw since they met. God, he what was he doing here? It felt so awkward sitting here with the guys he used to fool around with. With the guy who wanted them to be more but Kurt not. It was just a distraction so his mind could just stop thinking about Blaine. Because that was his new talent apparently, thinking about Blaine Anderson in any way possible.

"Yeah, they do and I feel better since they know. I feel better since I finally admitted it out loud."

"That's good," said Kurt honestly. He knew how it felt like to not be himself but pretend to be someone. It was torture and like living in a cage. Yes, some people didn't understand, some were rude and mean but he felt better in the end.

"Have you... been thinking about what I said?" asked Matt eventually and Kurt remembered why he didn't want to meet him in the first place. He was not ready to take this responsibility because that's what it was. A boy who just came out and probably sought some support from the guy he once fucked and spent some nice moments with. These times were over for Kurt and he really didn't want to hurt him. However, Matt was smart, he would understand, right?

"There is really not much to think about, to be honest," he started, breathed and spoke on: "I don't feel the same way and I'm not really in the right place to take such a responsibility now. We can be friends, yes, but I..."

"I understand," said Matt and his smile was not sad, not even fake. "I won't force you, of course not. I respect that. Friends is fine, really."

"What does Katy say about your coming out?" he asked to change the subject.

"She was happy but she keeps on asking me about Eric. You know, Dani's cousin. All the freaking time she asks me stuff and you know I don't really know him."

Kurt almost groaned because he was so not up to more drama than he already had to go through in his own, well, love life – if that even was one. Katy could ruin so much because she didn't hesitate to call people out or just take what she wanted. Eric liked Emma and she liked him and as far as Kurt knew, there was really no room for anyone else. But he kept this to himself and said instead.

"You should find a new roommate or a new apartment."

"Yeah, you always said that," laughed Matt.

* * *

><p>Kurt fell back into his old life. Work, signing up for NYADA classes, grocery, cleaning up and the theater group. It was not that hard but it was hard to just accept that Blaine and Emma seemed to be gone. It was the second week after their vacation and still no call, no text, nothing. He was hopeful the first week, even the second but then he just felt angry when the third week came and it was their last week. Though they all became better in singing and acting – and some even good friends or so it seemed – he couldn't hide how much it affected him that Blaine was not here. That Blaine was ignoring him.<p>

Then the last week came, their last meeting and Kurt actually wanted to just stay at home and let his friends do the work. His confusion became sadness and than anger and he really didn't want to yell at anyone. But when he walked into the auditorium he saw him. Blaine, standing on the stage with Emma – who was hugged by Dani – and explained something to his friends.

His first thought was to run over, yell at him, do something to let him know how much it hurt him that Blaine never called back nor texted back. His second thought was to wait and this sounded much more like the right thing to do. Or just not say anything at all because, in Kurt's mind, Blaine didn't deserve it. _No, that's childish,_ he thought and joined them on the stage. He knew, no matter what he decided to do, his heart wouldn't listen. The moment his eyes found Blaine he remembered everything, the kisses, the touch, the night he felt so connected and so good... he never had felt that way. How Blaine just wanted to kiss him, fall asleep with Kurt's lips on his and Kurt had wanted the same. He wanted all of this again, forever.

"Kurt," smiled Emma when he walked on the stage and let go of Dani. Only then he noticed how weak she looked. Weaker than he had ever seen her. Skin pale, eyes tired and when she walked over to him he made three quick steps to hug her hello.

"Hey, sweetie," he said and ran his hand over her hair and probably only imagined how cold she felt.

"Everything's okay?" he asked her, looked to his friends but not at Blaine. He was not ready to meet his eyes.

"I'm fine. It's the new medication they gave me and I'm still getting used to it," she explained against his chest and Kurt felt relief flowing through his body. Okay, maybe that was the reason why they weren't texting them, why they never came back to the auditorium.

"She was too weak to take her out," spoke Blaine and Kurt did look at him, meeting his golden eyes and noticed that it was not only Emma who looked sick. Blaine did too. His hair was a mess, which it usually never was. Always perfectly tamed down and clothes without a wrinkle. Today he looked rather lost and also exhausted.

"You should sit down, Emma," smiled Kurt down at her while she nodded. Blaine took her hand, smiling himself but it was gone when he looked at Kurt, an almost questioning look, like, he wanted to be sure everything was okay with Kurt. That everything was okay between them. For that not even Kurt had an answer.

They sat together, all of them, answering questions from the new freshman about NYADA and giving them some advice about which teacher was okay and which were rather strict and sometimes even unfair. They exchanged numbers, said their good byes and soon person after person left the auditorium. Kurt remained on the stage, watching them leave and watching Emma and Blaine talking, she with a serious expression and Blaine looking rather conflicted. Whatever it was Kurt turned around, going to the podium where his bag was and when he turned back he saw Blaine approaching the stage while Santana helped Emma to stand up and left with his other friends.

It was only him and Blaine and though this room was big it suddenly felt pretty small. Too small to breath.

"I want to apologize," said Blaine and actually looked like he regretted it, like he truly felt sorry for not contacting Kurt in any way: "Emma was doing miserable and... I also thought it might be better this way. To not talk."

The anger Kurt had been hiding, not letting out came back, full force and it took a lot to not burst. So what? He was just a fuck for Blaine? Were all the smiles and songs really just... for that?

"Why would you think that? If you just wanted to fuck you should have told me." Kurt almost spat.

"No, I didn't just wanted to... fuck. I really did not."

"Then what? What did you want?"

Blaine sighed, walked pass Kurt and then turned around looking almost hurt. Maybe it hurt him, maybe something hurt him but Kurt couldn't know. All he saw and heard was how Blaine regretted their night and it almost seemed like he wished it never happened at the first place.

But Blaine said nothing, nothing at all. His stupid big eyes were just staring at Kurt, almost pleading to just accept this. That Blaine didn't want to talk about it, to just forget it ever happened and move on with their lives. No, it was a different look. Not the one that said 'let's forget it' not the one 'I regret it all'. It was something else.

"We.. should have never let that happen. I really don't want to hurt you."

Kurt huffed a laugh. Not to hurt him? Blaine already did that even before they had sex. He hurt Kurt because Kurt was in love with him and couldn't reach his heart. He hurt Kurt because he gave him the hope, he gave him a taste of all the things Kurt wanted and now, Blaine just pulled it of his hands. All the little things, all the feelings, Blaine dragged them away but ignoring how everything was connected to Kurt's heart and so, he pulled at it too. Painfully, slowly.

"You already did, Blaine. You already hurt me even before we had sex."

This seemed truly news to him judging by the confused look and how he stopped breathing. Blaine's hands clenched and unclenched, he visibly swallowed and then his mouth hung just open. Like he couldn't believe he had ever hurt Kurt.

"It's not really your fault. I like you, really. I feel a lot for you and you just keep on singing to me, giving me smiles and gifts and all this stuff. So of course I thought you felt the same way, or at least something for me. But then you said no when I asked you out because you say you won't stay in New York and go back to San Francisco. I understand that, I really do. But then the vacation happened and you did and say all these things. So, of course it hurt me because I wanted it to be real and not some stupid game."

He saw Blaine flinch, saw his eyes moving down like he didn't know that he had done all of this to Kurt. Well, this couldn't be new to him because Blaine was the one who acted that way.

"If you were just joking or-"

"I was not. I do like you... a lot."

Silence, even Kurt snapped his mouth shut and waited. Blaine spoke.

"When I said I want you, I was honest. When we... kissed, when we slept together I just wanted this to last. I wanted to never stop."

Kurt wanted to relax, wanted to smile, wanted to let all of this in and go back into the arms he had missed for weeks. He wanted to nod and say he forgave Blaine but he did not. Kurt stood there, waiting for Blaine to explain why he exactly did not that. Instead he decided to ignore him and make Kurt feel like crap, like he had been used and not even worth a text.

"I want the same, Blaine. I felt like shit... because I didn't understand. I missed you, I miss everything that had happened because... when it happened it was just..."

"Like connecting?" asked Blaine and Kurt nodded. Yes, it had felt like he was connecting. Not fucking, not needing an orgasm. It was his body, his soul connecting with another person in a way he always dreamed of. Not as strong, not as deep but there was a connection between them. He had felt it through their kisses, through their hearts which found easily their own rhythm. It had been so perfect and it still could be.

"But... I can't. I wish I could... but I can't. I'll just hurt you more when we get closer."

"Because of Emma?" Kurt asked because why would someone say no if two people really liked each other? Why would Blaine say no although Kurt saw the same pain, the same pleading eyes and literally heard in Blaine's voice how much he wanted to be with him. Who would still say no when they both wanted the same thing? Being together and just... be.

"No. It's not because of her."

"Then what is it, Blaine? Is it San Francisco? Is it because of Matt?"

Blaine shook his head, pressing his lips together and looked down. He was so tense, controlling himself so hard to not say or move and Kurt was even more confused. It was so simple, everything seemed so simple but something was off. Something big was holding Blaine back. Something he couldn't share, maybe didn't want to share and he really didn't have to. Kurt understood that there were things they weren't ready to say now, to admit. Like what they enjoyed when they had sex with a person or other pretty intimate things. However, seeing him like this, with his problem alone and fighting it... Kurt didn't want to see him like this.

"Blaine... listen."  
>Their eyes met and Kurt took a step closer.<p>

"Whatever it is you have to deal with... I just want you to know that you have Emma, that you have friends who will help you. And you have me. Whenever you need me, whatever you need."

Blaine relaxed a little bit, his eyes, his whole face going softer.

"I don't know what it is that you can't tell me and you don't have to. I just... I'm sure we'll figure something out. We together will figure it out because... all of the things that had happened. All the feelings I feel... you feel."

Blaine smiled and showed Kurt that he was right. That they felt the same way for each other. He took this as a small victory and smiled back at Blaine.

"I know we can handle it and figure it out. Whatever it is you have to deal with it can't be more precious or more important than what we found, don't you think?"

That was all Kurt could say, all he had to say. His heart was open, waiting for Blaine to take it, to fill it with what he was missing. His soul was reaching out, wanting to connect and all of this made him feel vulnerable in the worst way possible. Never had Kurt Hummel let a guy hear such words, never had Kurt Hummel felt that way he did for Blaine. Kurt Hummel was someone who waited, who watched and listened and then decided what to do. But Blaine Anderson was someone he needed more and wanted more than was probably healthy for him.

"Okay," breathed Blaine and Kurt needed a second to realize what he said. Okay... okay?

"So... you want to?"

"Yeah," spoke Blaine, his warm smile back on his lips as he walked closer to Kurt: "I want us to be... more."

"More, like... friends with benefits?"

Blaine chuckled, shaking his head no and there was only little distance between them. Enough so Kurt could touch his hand, feel his breath.

"That is a terrible term."

"I know. I hate it," smiled Kurt.

"I like... boyfriends," mumbled Blaine and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder.

"Yeah, I like that too," he whispered, pressing a kiss to Blaine's temple and sighing when he wrapped his arms around Blaine. Closed his eyes when he felt Blaine's arm holding him and was the happiest person on earth when Blaine melted into the embrace. Yes, Kurt thought, that was the place where they both should be, maybe even belonged to.


	10. Happiness

Sorry for the late update and welcome to chapter 9! I took a week off from writing and internet and also had a writers block. But I'm doing better now! So here we are! The next 3 chapters will be rather lovely, fluff and all the good stuff :) planned are 18 chapters so far! Aaand happy thanksgiving to all of u who celebrate it (here in Narnia we do not ;))

* * *

><p>Chapter 9. Happiness<p>

Kurt Hummel officially had a boyfriend. Not his first one and maybe not his last one, but the first boyfriend he truly felt something serious for. Blaine was the first guy who made him smile without saying something, who made him feel this tingle under his skin, who made him stop breathing and kissed him sweet and slow whenever he could. Who always treated him like he was something special. No one ever made him feel that way and he thought a lot about how he wanted this to start. It actually began pretty sweet and lovely – beside all the times he was frustrated and hurt because he didn't understand what was actually going on.

Kurt still didn't understand the reason why Blaine thought it was a bad idea to be together. It was beyond him because one thing was pretty clear and simple. They liked each other, a lot, and not only did Kurt feel special, he noticed that Blaine was just as happy and probably feeling the same way he did. It was a good thing that Kurt could make someone feel special too. Blaine didn't need to say it, Kurt saw it – he always watched people and he loved to watch Blaine.

From the start he figured that Blaine Anderson was charming, nice and always trying to do the right thing. He had manners, did what needed to be done first and when he spoke he tried to be as polite as possible even if someone or something pissed him off. With Kurt around, Blaine was different. He was always smiling, this radiant smile like he had swallowed a piece from the sun, slightly breathless and trying to impress Kurt, trying to reach his heart and get his attention. With Kurt around Blaine lost a bit of his composure which made him look more real, more human and absolutely adorable. It was new for him to have such an impact on a person but it also was good for his self esteem. He was not just the gay guy with a high voice from Lima, Ohio. He was not just someone who was worth a fuck but not a relationship and he was no longer the guy who fell in love with a straigth guy. Kurt was together with someone who made him happy.

Kurt always wondered how someone like Blaine could be real. But he was and he was his boyfriend so he decided to take things a bit slower. He wanted the dates, the walks that leaded them nowhere only to be together and hold hands. The talks about everything and nothing. The smiles and shy kisses, the giggles and the moments when they needed to part because they had to do something else. He wanted the cuddles and hugs that took a bit longer so one of them was running late to whatever they had to do. He knew Blaine wanted the same and could give him all of this. Because he figured something out pretty soon: Blaine Anderson was so much and he was also addicted to cuddling and hugging.

It was a day before they had to go back to NYADA and Kurt invited Emma and Blaine over to cook for them. Elliott talked with Emma about bands and songs they liked and Blaine helped Kurt in the kitchen, chopping the vegetables. Usually the thought of going back to NYADA made Kurt groan and wish for just another week off. But this time he was truly excited to go back and study together with his boyfriend. Excited to have someone special beside him and share all the classes, do homework together and study for exams together.

Well, his plan to cook for them changed into him and Blaine working together. When they were done with preparing dinner and put it into the oven they cleaned everything else up together. Done Kurt sighed, turned around and leaned against the counter, looking up to see Emma smiling, blushing and was sure they talked about Eric, a topic she couldn't mention with Blaine around. One Kurt wanted to talk about with Blaine at some point because he wanted them to be happy, especially because they liked each other and Eric would never do something to hurt her.

"You need to come over to our place so I can cook something for you," said Blaine and stood in front of Kurt, getting all of his attention when he slung his arms around Kurt's body and just kept their bodies close.

"I'd love to. But, you know we'll be busy with homework."

"We can do that together," Blaine smiled and kissed him sweetly.

Just a kiss and Kurt felt his knees becoming weak as he hummed into the kiss. God, he just wanted to kiss and kiss and keep Blaine here for as long as possible.

"We can do other things together too," Kurt suggested and felt Blaine smiling against his lips. Yeah, that was pretty cheesy but he didn't care.

"This requires that we get some alone time and you know I don't like it to leave her alone."

"I know," sighed Kurt and ran his hands up Blaine's chest to his neck: "But you also need to give her some space and she has friends who will take care of her."

"Friends who are also friends with Eric," said Blaine not even hiding his annoyance: "I know they like each other but... I don't think it's good for her heart."

"I understand," was all Kurt said because it was not the right time to talk about this and maybe even start a pointless discussion. Right now he just wanted to enjoy this little moment before they ate supper. Enjoy it with kisses, lovely looks and touches. It was such a thrilling feeling when their lips met, wet and warm and sliding together so perfectly. Tongues touching, sweet noises and sighs shared and hands caressing and holding the other. This was his personal heaven.

Blaine pulled back, breathing against Kurt's lips and kept his eyes closed as he nuzzled against Kurt's neck, melting against Kurt's body. Yes, Blaine Anderson was definitely addicted to cuddles and hugs and Kurt was addicted to give them all the cuddles and hugs. But kissing was almost better.

* * *

><p>His first two weeks back at NYADA started, of course, dramatic. It was not because people were surprised to see him and Blaine holding hands – they were all waiting for it at least those who noticed the smiles and looks. It was not because he was totally in love with Blaine and acting like a love sick puppy – Blaine even more than Kurt did. No, it had nothing to do with him and his love life though he knew some people talked because that's what they could do best.<p>

It was Katy, running after Eric and wanting to go out with him. Everyday she tried and everyday Eric got more and more pissed. Friday he snapped and it ended up with them yelling at each other in the hallways of NYADA.

"Shouldn't we... do something?" asked Blaine when they sat together on a bench, Kurt more lying and resting his head on Blaine's lap, trying to take a nap – something students did all the time in various places. Naps were sacred.

"No. You don't want to be involved in that. Katy will destroy everything you love when you piss her off."

"You know her, huh?"

"Not really," he answered and winced when she became louder. There were already people around them, wanting to know what was going on but Kurt refused to, he just wanted to nap.

"Let's go somewhere else."

They left the hallway and went to the hall with enough possibilities to lie down, study or just sit around with friends. They found a nice corner, only for themselves and Blaine sat down, gesturing for Kurt to lie down and take his position back. He did without hesitation. Blaine was soft and warm and his lap totally the perfect pillow, with fingers caressing his arm and making him feel safe and good.

After his nap they met Elliott for lunch – Dani and Santana weren't there and neither was Eric. His friend looked pretty annoyed but tried to play it down when he noticed Blaine and Kurt. Kurt raised an eyebrows and Blaine was busy typing something on his phone.

"Katy?" asked Kurt when they sat down.

"Don't even mention her name. She is crazy, no, she is insane."

Kurt nodded slowly, made a face because nothing was more true than what Elliott had said. Katy was one of those people who thought she could get anything and anyone and if she did not, she became this crazy person. It was always his idea but he was never sure. In the months he had spent with Matt he faced this side of her only once and labeled it as a bad day.

"So, you know her?" asked Blaine again.

"She is Matt's roommate but I never really talked to her. Only hello and good bye."

He noticed Blaine's change when he said Matt's name. His smile fell, a frown appeared and Kurt gave him a questioning look. Whenever Blaine was around him he never stopped smiling or being relaxed and seeking for cuddles and kisses. Right now, he was just... rigid.

"Eric told her that he is not interested and Katy lost her shit. He even went home earlier because she was stalking him and asking him out over and over again," said Elliott and Kurt gave him his attention because Blaine was busy with eating – which was weird but he would ask him later.

"I hope he doesn't tell her that he is interested in Emma. She'll stalk Emma, too, if she ever finds out."

Elliott made wide eyes and nodded because that was the truth. They finished their lunch and went to their last classes on their own which gave Kurt time and space to wonder what made Blaine so quiet and stiff. Maybe it was because of Emma and Eric, who both obviously wanted to be together but crazy Katy tried to ruin it? After all, Emma was Blaine's priority and Kurt understood that. In the past month he never felt like he was a third wheel or not as important as Emma. Somehow Blaine found a balance to be there for her and for Kurt, although they never really found some time alone. Of course his friends suggested to take care of her – especially the girls – so Blaine and Kurt had some time for them alone. Somehow it never worked out.

After school they walked to Blaine's car in silence, hands clasped together and then his boyfriend finally spoke as he leaned against his car, keeping Kurt close.

"I need to ask you something."

Kurt nodded and took Blaine's free hand into his own, too.

"Are you free next Saturday?"

He expected something else, maybe a question about Matt because Blaine only knew that he wanted to go out with Kurt but nothing about their 'relationship'. He expected to have an uncomfortable conversation about a guy that didn't matter to him. That's why Kurt almost groaned though he wanted to sigh with relief.

"Something's wrong?"

"I thought you'd ask something about Matt."

Blaine looked down, smiled and then shook his head no.

"Is there something I need to be worried about?"

"No," answered Kurt without hesitation and this made Blaine smile even more: "Of course not. But... I'm surprised though."

He was truly surprised. All the guys he once met or dated asked immediately about any other guy Kurt mentioned and needed to know who he was, what he did, what his connection was to Kurt. It was not wrong but it was more like they didn't trust him and this bothered him. The world was filled with bad people but he was not a bad person. Lies, cheating and all this stuff was nothing he would ever do or even consider doing.

"I don't know him but I know you are, at least, friends. But he doesn't really matter to me because you are here, with me, holding my hand and kissing me and not him. So... I guess I just trust you."

Trust. Blaine was trusting him and Kurt felt happy but also anxious. These words made him like Blaine more and more, fall in love with him deeper and deeper and he had no idea how to stop feeling this way. God, he didn't want to stop but all of this was still new. Yes, they had sex and they knew each other for a while now, but actually being together was something totally different. However, starting with trusting each other was the perfect start.

"Thank you," whispered Kurt and pressed his lips against Blaine, only for a second or two before he pulled back. "And I'm free on Saturday."

"Good, because I want to cook for you and have some time alone with you."

* * *

><p>Not only did Blaine made him feel special and the happiest he had ever been. It was more and Kurt figured this out, day after day. He met Blaine in March for the first time, got to know him little by little and became his boyfriend in August. From March to August the road had been rough, sometimes it even seemed like he would suffer through another dramatic crush and end up crying because his stupid heart always chose the wrong person. He thought that way because that's how it always had been and almost missed the signs which showed him that, yes, he was right, there was the person who felt the same way about him. As soon as they officially became a couple things were just easy. Everything just fit together, like puzzle pieces creating a picture with every passing day. It was easy but not less special what they shared. So, when Saturday came, Kurt was more than ready to have some alone time with his amazing boyfriend. Hell, he felt so happy and happiness was never a huge part of his life. Also, he had been sure to know what it felt like to be happy. Kurt was wrong, so wrong and so ready to explore this happiness.<p>

_Step after step,_ he thought for himself as he got dressed. _I want this to be right because it feel damn right._

The girls picked Emma up and promised Blaine – at least ten times – to call him if something happened or if she needed him. It was one of the rare times Kurt saw Emma rolling her eyes because Blaine explained, again, what was important and when she needed to take her medication – not to forget the very important instruction to how the pager worked. Santana closed to door with a groan and Blaine snapped his mouth shut.

"Was that too much?" he asked unsure and Kurt thought that he looked adorable with the confused look.

"Maybe."

His boyfriend sighed, his shoulders fell and Kurt took this as a sign to cheer him up.

"It's okay. You just want to keep her safe."

He called it victory when Blaine smiled at him and gave Kurt all his focus. Really, how much he cared about Emma was sweet and truly admirable – after all he stopped everything to help her although they didn't even know each other. Kurt believed in humanity and that there were people who helped no matter what but he never had met someone who stopped everything for a stranger. He couldn't help himself but think that his boyfriend was not only special for who he was but also for what he did for Emma.

"Yeah. But I want this evening to be about us and us only."

Kurt liked the sound of that and followed Blaine to the living room and into the open kitchen. There was the table covered with a red table cloth, food on it, one candle burning, napkins and two plates, yellow and red flowers and this beautiful view made him stop breathing. Kurt stared, stared some more and tried to remember when someone ever put so much effort into something simple as dinner for him. No one. Not his ex nor his friends.

"You... did all of this... for me?"

He needed to ask. He needed to hear it from Blaine's mouth.

"Of course I did," said his boyfriend without hesitation. Their eyes met, both shining with warmth and Kurt's also with surprise that this was real.

"I want to see you happy. So... I do my best to make that happen."

"Thank you," whispered Kurt and pressed a kiss on Blaine's cheek. He thought, for a second, about the night when they had sex and how he wished that it was the other way around. First the dates, the getting to know each other and then the sex. But he never had a problem with sex – otherwise he would have never had sex with Matt – and after all the weeks of teasing but not tasting it was not really surprising that this had happened first.

"I hope you are hungry," spoke Blaine and pulled Kurt out of his thoughts and he dragged the chair back for Kurt, who sat down, feeling like crying but instead he smiled. Smiled so hard that his cheeks hurt. During their dinner they talked about NYADA, homework, the teachers and explained each other the stuff the other didn't understand. After dinner they went to the living room with their drinks – which Blaine made them – and settled down on the couch.

"Tell about your favorite things. Like color, movie," spoke Kurt as he rested his right side against the backrest of the couch to look at Blaine. Now it was time for him to get to know his boyfriend because he already did that. When they went out for coffee it was all about him, his past, his family and Blaine didn't say a word about him and Kurt died to know something. Not because he looked for something that spoke against their relationship. He just wanted to know the person he fell for and was sure, whatever Blaine told him, he would like it and find it amazing and adorable anyway.

"Well, I like green but I also like purple. Mom always said that green and brown makes my eyes look even more beautiful."

Kurt noticed the dark green shirt Blaine wore and it made his eyes look more beautiful indeed. Gold, green, hazel eyes.

"And I like movies that are based on facts but I also love fantasy stuff like Harry Potter is my weakness."

Kurt smiled from ear to ear and soon they were talking exactly about that. Movies, books, TV shows they both liked. Blaine told him how he read every book before he watched a movie and always loved to watch the reactions of the people around him who didn't know the book. He told Kurt how he cried about certain movie and didn't hide that he was slightly embarrassed to admit that.

Two hours later Kurt's head was resting on Blaine's lap and they laughed about funny moments in different movies. Kurt's belly hurt from all the laughing and he honestly didn't remember the last time he had laughed this hard. Or like ever. But he laughed not even thinking that his voice might have been too high or that his laugh seemed silly. Because Blaine didn't make him feel this way. No matter how Kurt laughed, no matter what noises he made his boyfriend always smiled down at him and made him feel even happier.

But their first date and time alone was not the only thing Blaine did for him. Blaine was a person full of surprises and many of them were for Kurt. Dealing with the teachers and stupid students at NYADA was annoying and tiring, especially when he had classes without his friends or boyfriend which was half of his day. Blaine noticed this pretty fast. So he made it his mission to give Kurt something to be happy about. It was the third week of September and Kurt was already done with work and studying though midterms were yet to come.

Kurt was sure he would snap, lose his mind and yell at someone who didn't deserve it. But his amazing boyfriend just did... these little things that helped him to be rather happy than frustrated. When their classes were done and Blaine drove them Kurt home he always gave Kurt a letter.

The first time this happened Kurt didn't even hide his confusion.

"What's that?"

"A letter, for you. Read it when you are in bed and it will, hopefully, make you happy and sleeping easier."

"Is it from you?"

"Yes," chuckled Blaine and Kurt to the folded piece of paper with his name written on it.

"We are living in a time with cellphones, Blaine."

"I know, silly," he leaned closer and kissed Kurt's cheek: "But this is more personal."

Kurt blushed and kissed Blaine on the lips before he whispered a thank you and climbed out of the car. He was anxious to read the letter and finished what he needed to do so he could got to bed and read it. It was a letter filled with words that described the classes they were not together and how Blaine wished they were together. Lovely words about how he wished they had more free time to spent some time alone and some funny stories about Blaine's life with Emma and all the new things she discovered every day.

Kurt got those letters ever day in the third week of September. He loved reading what Blaine did without him, loved hearing stories about Emma and blushed whenever he read all the beautiful things Blaine thought and saw in Kurt. He wanted to give Blaine all of this back but he had no idea how. It was all so new, so good and he hoped that this would never change. That his happiness would never stop and that he could give Blaine all of this back.

That was what Kurt experienced for the first time. Happiness. Pure, simple happiness. Not because he passed a test, not because he succeeded at something. But because of a person, his boyfriend. He wanted more of this happiness.


	11. Beautiful

**A bittersweet chapter. Please tell me what you think, it means the world to me! And thanks for all the reviews!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 10. Beautiful<p>

Of course there was also the affection, the touches and kisses they shared. On their second date, this time at Kurt's place – luckily Elliott found a boyfriend himself and left to his boyfriend's place so Kurt and Blaine were alone and Emma with the girls – instead of talking they were watching a movie together. Or rather using the opportunity to get closer. Step by step, Kurt reminded himself although he saw no reason to not have sex with Blaine. But this felt right and also like something they both needed. From the start he knew this was special and he didn't want to ruin it because of sex. He wanted to build something up and then have sex with Blaine that was a process of creating an even deeper connection.

They watched some silly romantic movie, Kurt lying between Blaine's legs and his read resting on Blaine's chest, fingers entwined.

"Do you have any crazy ex boyfriends?" asked Blaine against his hair.

"Not really. I had one boyfriend to be honest but it didn't last for long. Just a couple of weeks."

It was true. Kurt had a boyfriend when he moved to New York last year in August, they broke up at the end of September.

"Only one?"

"Yeah, I mean... I slept with three men in my life but..." he stopped because he wasn't sure what Blaine would think about that. He shared his first time with a boyfriend, then he slept with one because he was terribly drunk and then he met Matt.

"Hey, I'm not going to judge you. It's not like I'm innocent or... anyone for that matter. Also, we had sex before we even were a thing."

Kurt smiled about that Blaine seemed to be old fashioned but not living behind the moon. It never really bothered him what anyone thought but he cared about what his boyfriend thought.

"Well... I had one boyfriend I shared my first time with. We broke up last year in September and then I started living together with Elliott and he dragged me to all those parties I used to hate. But New York is not Lima and it was amazing to meet more gay men."

"Let me guess. You got drunk and had your first one night stand?"

Blaine spoke calmly, Kurt could hear it and the hands of his boyfriend, running gently over his chest and shoulders relaxed him. Not for a second did Kurt feel like Blaine was judging him but rather understanding and interested in what he did before Blaine became a part of his life. He really liked that feeling.

"Yeah. But then I had no time for stuff like that and focused on NYADA. It's not really that easy for me, you know? I'm... different, maybe too different."

"No. You are special," mumbled his boyfriend and kissed Kurt's temple, his arms wrapping around Kurt's chest and pulling him closer. God, this boy and his hugs, thought Kurt. No one ever hugged him like this, no one made him feel so much through a simple hug.

"I'm doing okay. It's still hard but I'm doing okay. However, sometimes studying and work get too much and Elliott always made sure I get some fun time to relax. That's how I met Matt and we... well, became friends with benefits."

"I understand," spoke Blaine, his mouth close to Kurt's ear.

"Yeah. But that's all. I never felt anything for him or wanted us to be more. It was just... nice, you know? While everyone at NYADA drove me crazy and work, too, it was good to have something that made me forget and relax. It was like... there was no responsibility, no promises to keep. However, then you came into my life and I couldn't do it anymore."

Kurt felt Blaine smiling, felt it against his cheek and smiled himself. Maybe it was fate that Blaine had crossed his way and Kurt realized for himself that, what he and Matt had shared was nothing he wanted for forever. Maybe it was fate that Kurt took several steps back from his friend who developed feelings for him. Sex made stuff complicated but they were lucky that things stopped before Matt realized his feelings. At least that was what Kurt figured out because when they still had sex he never noticed a change or anything.

"I understand that. Sex can take a lot of stress off of a person."

"It does though."

He didn't want that anymore though. He wanted the other kind of sex his father talked about when they had 'the talk'. The one that did things to him and his heart and made him want to do it again and again because it was not about getting an orgasm or just feeling pleasure. It was about so much more he already felt with Blaine. Kurt never felt this comfortable in anyone's arms but Blaine's. Never wanted to kiss and feel someone close as badly as Blaine. Being with Blaine together was easy and so much at the same time.

"So... you liked me since the moment you saw me?"

Kurt chuckled and turned around in Blaine's arms to face him. The movie was long forgotten when he lay on Blaine and fumbled with the collar of Blaine's button up while enjoying the gentle stroked from Blaine's hands over his back.

"I guess. But I was sure you were straight. You kept on smiling at Emma and being all attentive and caring. I even got jealous to be honest."

Admitting that was not easy but he wanted to show Blaine something. That, whatever was bothering him and whatever he wanted to share but couldn't, Kurt would listen and help him through it. Kurt would hold his hand and stand at his side no matter what. He needed Blaine to know that because he still had no idea why Blaine literally ran away from this. From the kisses, from the hugs, from all the amazing things they felt and shared. He was sure it was something big or at least something that bothered Blaine to his core, or had bothered him. Right now he was just the sweet boyfriend, making Kurt feel wanted and welcomed, almost needed, here.

"I'm anything but straight," whispered Blaine and pressed a soft kiss against Kurt's forehead. "I also liked you from the moment I saw you. Your voice is so beautiful and I tried so hard to not let anyone know how I felt. Well, Emma figured it out pretty soon."

"I think everyone figured it out the moment you joined NYADA."

"I tried to not be obvious. I guess, I failed."

"Believe me, everyone figured it out but me. I was sure you were straight and because I like you I just wanted to see things that weren't there. Then, when I knew the truth you said no and I was even more confused."

"I'm sorry," said Blaine, his fingers running through Kurt's hair. No one was ever allowed to touch his hair most people would have ruined it. Blaine though, with his warm fingers and gentle gestures could do anything to him. Kurt shook his head no, leaning into the touch. He already told Blaine about his thoughts.

"We are here now, together. I'll forgive you," joked Kurt and smiled even wider when Blaine held his face gently.

"Lucky me." They kissed sweet and slow and then Blaine suggested to just cuddle and take a nap before he had to leave. Kurt agreed without hesitation.

* * *

><p>Kurt had it bad for Blaine, really bad. With every passing day he just felt more and more for this old fashioned, adorable and smart man. He couldn't care less when each touch, kiss and look made him feel warm from the inside. He loved how their hands fitted together, how his body fitted right against Blaine's body. He loved how, when they were doing their homework together, all he needed was to hear Blaine's voice and everything seemed so much easier. Beside all of that Kurt felt also something he had never felt before. Beautiful. Kurt never considered himself as ugly. If he was someone then a person who understood fashion and how to show off. Dressing, styling himself was his nature, just like breathing.<p>

Blaine made him feel a different kind of beautiful. The one when it didn't matter how he looked like but who he was. When Kurt made a joke Blaine laughed, giggled and gave Kurt these looks like he wondered himself if Kurt was even real. No one ever laughed about his jokes like Blaine did. His dad, yes, his friends too, but Blaine just got him and made Kurt feel like he was no longer alone with his humor.

Blaine was patient, too. Kurt always judged other people and their insane behavior. It became a part of his personality during high school - Glee Club had been filled with many insane people especially Rachel Berry. So Kurt often rolled his eyes over unnecessary drama and others judged him for that. They liked to jump to conclusions about who he was. Selfish, a bitch, something like that and since it was obvious - or whatever this meant - that he was gay they also liked to label him as that. The stereotypical gay.

His friends and family never made him feel like this but other people did and it took him a lot of time to just ignore it. He ignored it, didn't say a word but it still bothered him that people were so close minded. Sometimes he even wanted to change himself, his behavior but he figured, changing just to please other people was not an option and was not who he was.

Staying true to himself he of course knew that Kurt himself could be difficult at times. Blaine, though, understood why Kurt was angry about something or why he judged some people they were studying with - like Katy. Never did he make Kurt feel like he was wrong and, maybe, even if he was Blaine supported him knowing Kurt would figure it out sooner or later.

All those things people liked to judge him for, his voice, his style, his thoughts and even Kurt's own judgement, Blaine seemed to like it all and accept Kurt for, simply, who he was. It was weird to hear Blaine saying how he loved his voice, how he thought Kurt was more of a man than any other guy he knew. It was new, weird but so welcomed at the same time. This was what Kurt always wanted and he had no idea how much he wanted to have that. Someone who accepted his imperfections and found them endearing.

They found their own rhythm pretty fast. Sometimes it felt like they were moving too fast, but, because it felt right Kurt just let it happen trusting himself to notice when things went wrong. Monday to Friday they went together to NYADA and left. Wednesday was the day they almost had no classes together nor did they see each other during lunch break. Thursday to Saturday Kurt was working at the Spotlight Diner and because Blaine and Emma lived pretty close he visited them for Dinner. Saturday or Sunday evening where for him and Blaine alone.

Elliott was totally fine with that because he, just like Kurt, had a boyfriend himself, Brian. So he they understood each other and how they wanted to spend every free moment with their partner and get to know each other. But they still saw each other since they were living together. Dani and Santana found their own amusement because the boys were so in love and loved to tease them. Emma was doing better and the time with the two girls did wonders to her.

"She is happier," said Blaine when they walked back home. "I'm not a girl and I don't believe in all this gender stuff, but, you know. There is stuff only girls can talk about and it's nice to see her doing so well."

"See? It was a good idea after all. Dani and Santana are good people, they'd never put her into any kind of trouble," smiled Kurt and squeezed Blaine's hand.

"Yeah, that's true. I also trust them to keep Eric away from her."

Kurt rolled his eyes over that and decided to not say anything about that. He didn't want to break the bubble they were still living in and tell him that it was unfair to keep them apart.

Tuesday became the day when Kurt spent some time with Emma until Blaine came back from school. For the first two weeks Emma always slept when Kurt was around - because she still needed to get used to her medication. Eventually she was doing better and they cooked together and talked about musicals and slowly they became close friends. At the end of September Kurt found himself in Emma's room and gave her some fashion advice.

She was a very beautiful girl after all and wore dresses like a princess. A simple summer dress, a knee long skirt, everything she wore was just beautiful on her and he made it his mission to look up some nice dresses and skirts for fall. Since it was impossible for Emma to actually go shopping they stayed at home, using her laptop and did some online shopping. Emma was scrolling through a website while Kurt pulled dress after dress out of her closed and put them down on her bed.

"Since fall is here we should buy you some dresses with warm colors. Also long sleeves so you won't feel cold," spoke Kurt as he sorted out the summer clothes and put them into the shelf under Emma's bed.

"I like orange and red," said Emma and showed Kurt what she had found.

"They look gorgeous and you'll look just beautiful in those," he smiled at her and got a warm smile in return. He went back to the three dresses that were left, perfect to wear when it got cold. One was beige, the other two brown and dark red. Kurt knew she didn't have much so he made it his mission to buy her something and found a green dress for her. It was not too dark just enough, perfect to emphasize her hazel eyes.

"I bought you something."

"Huh?" hummed Emma, blinking and Kurt smirked as he walked over to his bag and pulled out a plastic bag, neatly folded and handed it to her. Emma stood slowly up, almost dragging herself up to her feet and it always broke his heart to see her like this. This beautiful girl was not allowed to dance or run, to laugh from the bottom of her heart or do anything that made her heart beat faster. Her body was literally a cage and she couldn't leave it and live. But he tried his best to not show her how much it saddened him to see her like this. Her wish was to live and smile and he, like Blaine and his friends, wanted to give her that.

"Kurt," she whispered when she held the dress in her hands and admired it.

"Green is perfect for your eyes and it's not too dark, just enough."

"But… it looks expensive and you… you don't have so much-"

"Don't worry. I'm a master when it's about to buy exquisite clothes and only pay half for it. I have a third eye for that."

He smiled but Emma seemed rather conflicted and yet a little bit moved by the gift.

"It's really okay, Emma. Don't worry about it. You are a beautiful girl and I want you to feel good and beautiful."

She smiled but hung her head, saying slowly: "I'm not beautiful."

"Of course you are," Kurt felt his heart slowly breaking because she looked so broken though he saw no reason for it. Emma was, simply put, a natural beauty and he totally understood why Eric fell for her and why other guys were interested in her. During their theater group it was not only Eric who had an eye on her. Other guys did as well but as soon when they knew she had a weak heart they backed away. It made him furious but he understood why. The bitter truth no one wanted to say out loud.

"Let's… try it on, hm? I promise you'll look good."

Emma nodded slowly and Kurt knew from Blaine that she sometimes needed help to get dressed. That Tuesday was a day when Emma felt rather weak and needed more help than usually. For Kurt this was no big deal but it was for her apparently. One evening, when Emma was at Dani's and Santana's place, they did laundry together and Kurt noticed that she didn't have much clothes. Blaine told him how Emma refused to buy stuff that was not necessary because she didn't believe that she needed it and was used to not have much.

Kurt understood why she refused everything material and was focused on the stuff a person couldn't buy. Friends, feelings, memories. However, he wanted to show her that wearing something beautiful was also a nice experience. He stood behind her, watching her undress slowly and almost gasped when he saw her upper body. Emma was thin and pale, but without any clothes on he realized just how pale and thin she was. He saw all her bones, her skin color was no longer pale but unhealthy and he felt his eyes beginning to burn.

This girl didn't deserve such a burden. When she smiled it was such a beautiful smile, a tired and maybe even old one, but not less beautiful. Her eyes shone so bright and vivid whenever she saw and experienced something new, making them look stunning. But this, this was breaking his heart and he tried to keep his voice even and cheerful.

"I… um," she spoke when she turned around and Kurt kept his eyes on her's, not wanting to look down and probably see her ribs.

"You are beautiful, sweetie," he whispered as he stood up and kissed her forehead. The smile she gave him was more convincing than all the other smiles she gave him that afternoon. Taking the green dress into his hands he helped her inside it, combed her hair and added shoes and a scarf to it.

"See?" he spoke gently as they both looked into the mirror, her long hair framing her face and falling over her shoulders. "It makes your eyes look even more beautiful than they already are."

Emma nodded after some seconds, smiling and turning around to hug Kurt. He didn't see it and he didn't ask, but he knew she was close to tears. Some moments later Emma finally smiled at her own reflection and Kurt felt proud of himself and of her.

"Do you think Eric will like it?"

"I have no doubt. He already likes you though."

He noticed the blush on Emma's cheeks and smiled, knowing he probably looked the same way whenever he talked or thought about Blaine. Yes, he understood the way she felt. Eric liked her too, Blaine liked Kurt, their feelings were mutual, which was the best thing in all of this.

"I… I really want to be with him, you know? But I know it's pointless. I… my heart is not strong enough and even if we become a couple… for how long? Some weeks? Maybe months?"

Kurt was silent, watching her and listening. He knew how complicated it was, he knew that it was maybe even pointless. But Kurt was also hopelessly romantic and he wanted them both to be happy. Emma was still alive, still had a chance and hearing that she already accepted her too soon death made him want to talk some sense into her.

"I… don't want to break his heart."

"I understand that, Emma. I really do. But did you ask him what he thinks?"

Emma shook her head no and faced Kurt.

"He knows about your heart, he knows that… if you two get together it might be only for some weeks. But he still wants to. Just like we all, he wants to see you happy too."

Emma was silent and Kurt stood up, taking her hand and guiding her back to the bed to sit down, knowing that standing was not always a good thing to do for her.

"I think you two should be together. I know him and I know he'll care and treat you right and above all, he wants to make you happy, you know?"

"But… I'll break his heart."

"Maybe, yes. But he won't be the first one and not the last one with a broken heart. He knows that this could happen and he still chooses you. It is not your fault, nothing of this is and will be your fault, Emma."

Kurt saw the conflict in her eyes and spoke on.

"You see. That is what life is about and you know it probably better than any of us. You know how precious it is and enjoy every moment. You enjoyed something simple like vacation at the beach with every breath you took. This is what it is about. Making memories, feeling good and bad things and, in my opinion, you deserve to know what it feels like to be loved."

Emma blushed even more and the soft red color made her look healthier. He really liked that color on her.

"Blaine will never say yes. He's scared that we might… you know, do things that aren't good for me."

Kurt snorted and that made her giggle. Yes, Blaine. If he could he'd lock her up in her room and make sure no one and nothing can harm her. An impossible task.

"But you want to, right? Be with Eric?"

Emma nodded slowly and whispered: "More than anything."

"Good. Don't worry about Blaine, sweetie. I'll handle him."

* * *

><p>They bought her two more dresses and then he made something to eat for her, gave her the medicine she needed to take and tucked her into the bed. Falling asleep was an easy task for Emma. Her body was always so exhausted and needed far more rest. Turning the lights off he left her room and cleaned the dishes before he started with his homework. Kurt tried to focus but it was impossible for him. Whenever he closed his eyes he saw the bones, the unhealthy skin and understood why Emma never considered herself as beautiful.<p>

With all the media who worshiped skinny, tan woman with big boobs and long legs. he knew from his female friends how it bothered them a lot. He had read enough about media and their manipulating ways. No wonder Emma felt that way because, for her, it was impossible to look like that. No one should look like that just because the media says so. He hated this, all the stereotypes, the prejudices people had about other people who were not considered as 'normal. Above all, he hated that Emma had to suffer through so much and literally waited for her life to end or for someone to die so she could live.

He had no idea how Emma felt about that and he was too scared to ask. It was also none of his business and if she ever wanted to talk about it, he would listen.

An hour later Blaine came back, looking exhausted but still giving Kurt an honest smile, but Kurt gave him only a half smile and regretted it. Blaine noticed that something was bothering him. Leaving his bag in the living room he crossed the distance between them and bent down, kissing Kurt hello before he asked.

"You're okay? Is Emma okay?"

"Yeah, she is fine, don't worry," reassured Kurt his boyfriend and took his hand into his own, squeezing it gently.

Blaine sat down, pulling the chair closer and focused on Kurt since he knew Emma was okay. He held Kurt's hand in both of his and tried to read Kurt's expression.

"But something happened, right? I see the concern in your eyes."

"I just… feel sorry for her. I bought her a dress and she tried it on and I saw how thin and sick she looks without clothes on."

The look Blaine gave him told him that his boyfriend knew this way to well.

"Then we were talking and I just realized how hard this all must be for her and for you."

"It's… not easy, no. But we don't talk about this or think about it. I'm here to make her happy and give her the possibility to enjoy life for as long as possible."

"I know. We all want that and… don't be mad at me, but we talked about Eric."

Blaine was calm which Kurt took as a good sign.

"She really likes him, Blaine. He likes her too and he knows about her… situation. But they like each other, really, and I think she has the right to experience love."

Blaine was still silent, looking down and running his thumb over the back of Kurt's hand. Then he spoke.

"I know and I understand."

"And?"

Blaine huffed and gave Kurt this look like he tried to say; You won.

"He can come over and I want to talk to him before anything happens."

Kurt squealed, smirked from ear to ear and stood up from his seat to wrap his arms around Blaine's neck.

"I didn't say yes, though."

"And you didn't say no either," laughed Kurt and pulled back, kissing Blaine and knew a kiss made him weak, just like when Kurt was pouting at him.

"It will be great. I promise."

"If not can I still kick him out?" asked Blaine and Kurt rolled his eyes before he kissed him again.

* * *

><p>It was during his lunch break, alone for a change, when Eric walked up to him with pleading eyes. Eric and pleading eyes only meant one thing. He needed help and was close to a mental break down because things were not working out they way he wanted them to. It was not really surprising for Kurt because Eric had been trying to become Blaine's friend. Tried to show him that he had good intentions when it came to Emma. Kurt however only stared at Eric, waiting for him to say something.<p>

"We need to talk, Kurt. Or rather, you need to talk to your boyfriend."

"What about my boyfriend?"

"Seriously," groaned Eric and sat down, frowning: "He is like the worst wanna-be-father ever. No offense, but, I was nice to him, showed him times and times again that I'm a good guy and don't want to just… you know, drag Emma into a bed and sleep with her. I want to be with her just like you and Blaine are. Hell, even like Elliott and Brian are."

Kurt couldn't help himself but giggle about that. It was true that Blaine acted like a father wanting to keep his daughter far away from the male gender. Sometimes even Kurt couldn't help himself but snicker about it when he was at Blaine's place.

"Please, Kurt. You know him and you know how to convince him. I just… want to see her. All the texting and calls is torture. I just… Kurt, pleeeeease?"

Eric gave him his best puppy eyes. Adorable, was what he thought and decided to pull his friend out of his misery.

"Friday evening at the Spotlight Dinner. Wear something nice."


	12. Memories

Chapter 11. Memories

Kurt said bye to his co-workers and left the Diner, a teasing smile on his lips when his eyes found Eric, waiting in front of the Diner for him. Seeing how nervous his friend was and how his hand held the bouquet of red roses, clutching it hard. Kurt didn't want to label this view as amusing, but it was. Eric, former womanizer who never blushed, never worried about the consequences. His goal was always to flirt, make the girls blush and giggle and enjoying their company. Kurt never liked Eric's behavior but never found a reason to stop him. He never hurt anyone and never wanted to hurt anyone.

However, this Eric, the caring and totally in love Eric was more likeable then the womanizer Eric.

"Why are you wearing this? Why do you look like you are going on an important meeting or something?" rambled Eric.

"Eric, I'm wearing casual clothes," he answered, tugging on the strap of his bag where his work clothes were.

"Casual? You call those shoes, skinny jeans and this orange shirt, three buttons open, casual? You look like you want to get something."

Kurt tried not to blush and waved it off: "I'm seeing my boyfriend, so, of course I want to look good. Anyway, are you read?"

Eric nodded, staring at the roses like they had some advice for him and then down at himself and back up to Kurt, worried.

"Is this okay? I mean... I thought something simple would be okay?"

Kurt smirked and nodded. Yeah, a short sleeved button up and simple black jeans was okay. Better than his leather jacket and tank top, which he always loved to wear because girls liked that and they liked his arms and chest. Eric even combed his wild hair to look put together.

They decided to walk because Blaine and Emma lived pretty close to the Diner. After twenty minutes Kurt stopped at their building, looking behind his shoulder and noticed Eric swallowing. God, he had never seen his friend this nervous.

"It will be fine, don't worry," reassured Kurt and pressed the door bell, hearing footsteps and a smiling Blaine opened the door. He looked adorable and handsome, just like always.

"Hello," he breathed when his eyes shone at Kurt, warm and soft but changed when he saw Eric. His look was not angry or rude, rather observing. They walked inside, Kurt kissing Blaine hello in the hallway and slipping out of his shoes.

"Um... thanks for inviting me, Blaine," said Eric and rubbed the back of his head, clearly nervous.

"You're welcome," mumbled Blaine and Kurt squeezed his hand remembering the talk they had before he left to work. He asked Blaine to be nice and give him a chance, because Eric was really a good guy and cared about Emma, a lot. His boyfriend nodded, said he would try and Kurt knew he would. After all, Blaine was a good guy and didn't want to hurt anyone.

"Come on, dinner is ready," said Blaine and together they went into the kitchen where Emma was already sitting. Kurt smiled at her, giving her a thumbs up so only she saw it and helped Blaine to get the plates. Behind him he heard Eric saying a hello, that the roses were for her and when he turned around he saw them both blushing and smiling bashfully. Young love, he thought, because he was making the same experience with Blaine. Although they were together for a month now it felt like years. Amazing years.

They ate dinner and Blaine made it his mission to get to know who Eric was. Yes, he was truly acting like a father, asking about Eric's past, if he ever did drugs, ex girlfriends, everything. Some stories were not funny, some stuff from his past was even pretty stupid. He didn't blame Blaine for judging Eric about how he used to treat girls and look at them. How for him it was all fun, the flirting and going out.

"I swear I've changed. I don't know why I did all these things. It was stupid and wrong, I know that and, I promise, I'm no longer that person," said Eric, almost pleading although he knew it was Emma's decision. Blaine could say no a thousand times but he could never and probably would never stop her. Kurt looked back from Blaine to Eric and then, finally, to Emma who gave him a begging look. Kurt looked back to Blaine, seeing how his jaw was tight, eyes fixed on Eric and food untouched for the past minutes.

"Blaine," he said, taking Blaine's hand into his and immediately got all of his attention.

"Yeah, right," he spoke slowly and cleared his throat.

"Since you are friends with Kurt and Dani's cousin, I believe you. I think they would have told me if there was anything to be worried about."

"I promise. I really like her and don't see her as some girl I once met. In my eyes, Emma's special and I want to feel her special."

Emma blushed even more, mouth hanging open and then even Eric blushed. Kurt made an 'aw' noise and both looked down, ears and cheeks burning. Blaine only eyed them and went back to eat. An hour later Emma and Eric went out for a walk – telling Blaine that they'd stay close to the building. When the door closed his boyfriend huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. Kurt chuckled and began to clean the table.

"You know what they'll do."

"Do I?" Kurt said clearly amused about his grumpy boyfriend.

"God... I don't even want to think about it. I just... I want Emma to be safe."

"And she is," Kurt spoke, calm and smiling softly at him. He walked over, wrapping his arms around Blaine's shoulders and gave him a peck. "Eric won't do anything that will hurt her. He knows about her heart."

Blaine grumbled something and Kurt laughed about his little pout.

"Some kisses won't kill her. If they'll do something, then, making her happy and feel good."

"Don't be so smart," pouted Blaine.

"Sorry, dear. But I am," he smirked and smirked some more when Blaine kissed him and pulled him closer. Lips, soft and slick fitting so perfectly against his made Kurt sigh and he melted against his boyfriend. Kisses were amazing, always. Especially the kisses from the person Kurt liked so much. He parted his lips when he felt Blaine's tongue, letting it inside and hummed happily, feeling the slick slide against his tongue. What was it that with Blaine kissing, touching felt so much better?

"Blaine.." he came up for air, opening his eyes and saw Blaine's were blown dark, probably just like his own. Lips were red, kiss swollen and parted, letting the air inside, filling his lungs. Kurt bent down, resting his forehead against Blaine's and smiled. If this was love what he felt then he wanted it to grow stronger and stronger and say it through words, clear and loud only for Blaine. The time was not there yet but maybe soon. Which was kind of scary considering they were only dating for a month.

"Come with me," Blaine whispered and tugged at Kurt's hand, guiding him to his room. He followed him, smiling stupidly and even more when the door was closed.

"We don't have much time," breathed Blaine and fumbled with Kurt's belt, making him smirk. Wasn't Blaine supposed to be worried, thought Kurt. But he was not going to say no to this because his boyfriend was right, they didn't have much time and he wanted this. Wanted them to get as close as possible.

"Let me blow you, please," whispered Blaine and Kurt nodded, noticing how his mind said bye to the prospect of what Blaine wanted to do. Hands holding Blaine's face to pull him back for one last kiss, he breathed in through his nose as he felt his boyfriend's hands undoing his pants and pressing against his half hard cock.

Kurt moaned into Blaine's mouth, moving his hips with the hand and grew harder and harder. After a month of nothing sexual between them he was surprised that they both had the strength to keep their word. When they had sex it was all kinds of amazing and good. It was not the perfect first time with Blaine Kurt once imagined, but it was incredible anyway.

Blaine sank down on his knees, smiled up at Kurt and pulled the underwear down together with the pants, so that they were pooling around Kurt's ankles. Without any teasing he opened his mouth and Kurt moaned, louder than before as he felt Blaine's hot mouth around his hard member. Slick, hot, and shooting sparks of pleasure through his whole body, that was how he felt. Leaning his head back and fingers running through Blaine's hair, he just enjoyed for a little while. It was not his first blow job, but it was a different one. Not the quick in and out from a guy he barely knew or liked. This was from a man Kurt wanted to be with, liked so much and fell in love with more and more. This was from a man who liked him too, who wanted to make him feel good and put everything into it. Sucking, licking and humming to shoot more pleasure through Kurt's sweating body.

The mouth was gone, a hand stroking his cock and Kurt looked back down, seeing Blaine's full lips wrapping around the head and feeling his tongue licking the slit.

"Fuck... yes, so good," he moaned and Blaine swallowed him down, all of him. Kurt cried out, trying not to move his hips and thrust inside and accidentally hurt him. Blaine hummed, bobbed his head faster and there it was, coiling inside him and bursting. Moaning he came in Blaine's mouth not even finding the time to warn him, because all he saw were stars and feeling the orgasm crashing through him. At some point Blaine was back on his feet, Kurt back in his underwear and pants and felt how hands were stroking his back and keeping him close to Blaine. He held Kurt together and waiting for him to come down from his high.

"Was it good?" whispered Blaine and pressed his lips against Kurt's cheek. He heard the smile in Blaine's voice, along with a teasing sound and when he pulled back, feeling his body and mind working again, Kurt almost rolled his eyes over the teasing smile on Blaine's lips.

"Do I need to answer," he said, his mouth dry, but then smiled, pure bliss on his face: "Thank you."

"No need to, beautiful."

Then Blaine nuzzled against Kurt's neck, held him tighter and closed his eyes. Not asking for something in return, not asking for anything, but just to be held by Kurt.

* * *

><p>Midterms were right around the corner and whenever this happened their apartment became a mess of books, notes, food and the coffee machine working 24 hours long. They studied together whenever they could, complained about the stuff they didn't understand and made, maybe, too much drama than necessary. Somehow they always passed their tests but Kurt was just not ready to take it slower and then fail. He couldn't and he didn't want to. They went to NYADA, took a nap at home, studied and took another nap. Last year Kurt had nowhere else to go to escape the mess inside his head or in his own apartment. Now, they both had other places to visit.<p>

Elliott went to Brian and Kurt visited Emma and Blaine – he was invited for dinner together with Eric. Blaine, who just like them had to deal with midterms seemed rather calm, relaxed, like it was just any other day and Kurt wished he could have been this calm. Although, it was kind of weird when he walked into their apartment. There were no books, no notebooks, nothing that told Kurt Blaine was studying.

"Hello Kurt," said Emma who was sitting in the kitchen and writing something down.

"Hi, sweetie," he smiled at her and squeezed her shoulder, smiling wider when he noticed that she was wearing the dress he gave her.

"What are you writing?"

"For a Halloween party. Eric and I talked about it and I convinced Blaine to have one here."

Kurt raised both of his eyebrows, not remembering that Blaine mentioned this or any of his friends. Well, maybe they mentioned it, but with midterms and work eating his time and soul he might have missed it. However, he liked the sound and idea of a Halloween party because they all needed a freaking break from all the stress. Santana was already going crazy, yelling at people at NYADA when they were too loud and interrupted her track of thoughts. Dani was the silent one, Elliott and Kurt the chaotic ones.

"That's awesome. I'd like to help you but my midterms aren't over yet. Just, three more days," he sighed and ran a hand down his face. Emma squeezed his hand and gave him an understanding look as Blaine walked inside the kitchen, smiling at them. Kurt was right, taking a closer look at his boyfriend he seemed to be relaxed, too relaxed.

"Emma told me you two are planning a Halloween party."

"Yeah, we do. It will be her first Halloween party and doing it here will be fun and safe for her," explained Blaine and kissed Kurt's cheek. Then he walked over to the cupboard where Emma's pills were and gave her those. Kurt decided now was not the time to ask how Blaine was handling the midterms or about the party. Together they made everything ready for dinner and two hours later Eric was finally there, still careful whenever Blaine was around but comfortable enough to kiss her cheek.

"Midterms are crazy, everyone is going crazy. I thought high school was horrible but college is worse," said Eric when they were done with eating. "My mother warned me and I laughed it off. But she was so right."

"Do you have a good feeling?" asked Emma and Kurt was sure they were holding hands under the table. It was cute, the way they looked and smiled at each other was cute and he loved to just watch them both be happy.

"I think it will be okay. I've studied everything I need to know and did my best. That's all I can do. What about you guys?"

Kurt looked to Blaine who remained relaxed and let his thumb run over Kurt's knuckles, smiling softly as his eyes remained on their hands.

"I'm not really worried. Like you said all we can do is study and do our best. But I bet Kurt, here, did an amazing job."

Kurt blushed because of Blaine's words and noticed the little smirk on Emma's face when their eyes met. Yeah, it was not only Emma and Eric being all in love and happy, it was also he and Blaine. After a while Blaine got used to Eric, understood and saw that he cared about Emma and only did what was good for her. Even Kurt was surprised about how good Eric handled this situation. He never asked for anything special, never asked for doing something crazy. He was just here for her, listening and doing whatever she was allowed to do.

"Stop that, Blaine. If I fail I'll blame you because you jinxed it."

"I'm not jinxing anything, Kurt. I'm just saying the truth. I saw your apartment and how crazy you and Elliott were going. I'm sure you'll do great."

This kind of support was still new and Kurt wondered if he ever would get used to this. If he ever considered this as something normal instead of special. He hoped not because all the support from Blaine was special and meant so much to him.

"What are your parents like?" asked Emma her boyfriend.

"Amazing, actually. They are pretty busy because of work but that doesn't mean I feel alone or less loved. You'd think they are some rich insane people, but they are not. Whenever they were gone I was with Dani and her family. Her mother and mine are sisters."

"Your mother loves to tell baby stories about you. It's like a mission for her," remarked Kurt with a smirk and Eric rolled his eyes, making Blaine and Emma chuckle.

"It must be great to have parents who care," said Emma and Blaine reached out for her, squeezing her shoulder. They knew the story about her family, knew that they didn't want her because she was born with a weak heart. It was a sad story, yes, and Kurt never understood how someone could do that. However, living in the past was not what they wanted to do. Emma knew that and made it clear as she said: "But I have Blaine, who acts like a father."

Eric made a face like 'you don't say' and Kurt snickered squeezing Blaine's hand who made a funny face.

"What about your family, Kurt?" asked Emma after a round of giggles and funny faces.

"My mom died when I was eight. So it was only me and my dad. But he is amazing, really. It was bit hard when I came out as gay, but he supports me and loves me for who I am."

Kurt and Eric talked a bit more about their parents and told some funny stories while Emma and Blaine listened. Which was not surprising or weird, but Kurt ached to know more about Blaine and his family, his past. He knew so little about his past only that he was from San Francisco, was no virgin, had one boyfriend and his mother was, apparently, a nurse too. Nothing else, nothing more. Later, when Eric and Emma went into her room he and Blaine cleaned the kitchen and went into the living room with tea and music in the background.

"You look exhausted," commented Blaine, sat down and touched Kurt's cheek, stroking down gently and taking Kurt's hand into his.

"My head feels like it will explode if I read one more thing about dance moves and so called famous singers. I'm just looking forward to Halloween, although I can't remember you mentioning it."

"I did not," said Blaine and kissed Kurt's cheek, his fingers running up and down Kurt's neck: "I saw how busy you were and thought I tell you about it when midterms are over."

"How are you doing? Our apartment is a mess but yours looks clean and fine like always."

"I'm not really worried. I studied with you guys at NYADA, didn't I? And we paid close attention to our classes so I don#t think we have to be worried. We also learned a lot through the summer break."

"That's true," sighed Kurt and leaned into Blaine's hand, holding his other in his and letting his thumb run over the warm, tan skin. The little touch on his neck, the little kiss on his cheek and the smile and warm look from Blaine were exactly the things he needed so his mind stopped thinking for a moment. Everything was warm, relaxed inside him and he wished he could just stay over the night and cuddle with Blaine. No more studying for just one night. But Blaine would never say yes to that because they both knew they'd have sex even with Emma around.

Kurt sighed, smiled and kissed Blaine short and sweet, making him smile even more and drowning into those golden eyes. Never had he met a guy with such beautiful eyes. They were not just gold or honey colored. There was also green and red and gray, so many colors, warm and sparkling even more when Kurt blushed.

"What about your family?" Kurt asked, remembering how Blaine said nothing about himself.

"My family?"

"Yeah. You said nothing about them and I was just wondering if there is a reason for it. Was it because of Eric?"

"No. Not really. I just... don't like to talk about them."

Kurt gave him a worried look, shuffling closer, but Blaine's smile never weakening. This worried him just more and more. People who smiled the brightest are the saddest people, something he did himself.

"It's nothing. Really. It's just complicated," reassured Blaine as he noticed the concern on Kurt's face. "I'm here, with you. That's all I care about and want to care about."

This was news to him. Usually Blaine said that he was here because of Emma and that she was what he cared about the most. However, he liked to hear this and know that he was just as important to Blaine as Emma. That he had a special place in Blaine's heart, big and strong enough that he wanted to kiss Kurt, cuddle with him, even have sex with him. It was an amazing feeling and knowledge. It was amazing to not have one single doubt about that.

"We need a night alone. Just you and me," sighed Blaine and moved closer so he could rest his head against Kurt's shoulder and wrap his arms around his body. Yep, totally addicted to cuddles like always.

"I'd love that."

Kurt smiled and smiled, pulled Blaine closer and nuzzled his nose into his curls. Yes, he wanted a weekend alone with him when midterms were over. He wanted them to be alone and just enjoy each other without caring about anyone else. They both needed a break. However, one thing Kurt couldn't ignore. It was deep inside his soul and heart, the little fear because Blaine didn't tell him everything but knew so much about Kurt. Because he wanted to give him everything. His trust, his heart, everything he was. This man would hold it, treat it right and never hurt him, he was sure of that. But... did Blaine feel the same way?

"Blaine... you know you can trust me, right?"

"Of course I do."

* * *

><p><strong>IDK why it was so hard to write this chapter, but it was. However, the next chapter will be smut and with a pretty mean cliffhanger :)<strong>


	13. Falling

So, some people wondered if I'd write Blaine's POV. I will do that but not yet. Writing Blaine's POV is like writing spoilers :)

* * *

><p>Chapter 12. Falling<p>

"I swear, I have no idea how he is doing it but his hands and mouth do things that make me almost cry. And in a good way," Elliott sighed happily.

"Oh my God, too much information," groaned Kurt as he sank down on the armchair and reached out for his take out. Chinese food was always a good choice he thought. "I want to eat and not hear about your glorious sex life."

"But it is glorious and it's not just the sex. Brian is also amazing. He studies English and Spanish-"

"It staggers me how someone like you is not bored with him. I never thought you'd be a teacher type person."

"Well, he is fun. Believe it or not and you'll meet him on Emma's Halloween party," smirked Elliott and took his own box and chopsticks.

"I hope he knows it will be just a small party because she can't party hard," Kurt remarked and dug through his box with the chopsticks before he ate.

"He does, but he wants to meet her. He likes it how we all try to help her."

Kurt smiled about that because after their vacation, after two months they just became this group of friends, all trying their best to make her happy. He loved watching how Blaine and Emma worked together, how Dani and Santana made her happy in a way only girls could, Elliott who taught her everything about music and Eric who made her happy in this unique way. They all played their special roles and he loved to see Emma smile constantly.

"I hope you don't forget to keep an eye on her this weekend. Blaine and I really need some time alone."

Elliott nodded, chewed, swallowed and then spoke: "I'll do anything for you so you get laid by your lovely boyfriend."

"Ha ha, you're so funny." Kurt uttered and rolled his eyes.

"I'm a good friend," he grinned: "But, let's be honest. You two are okay?"

"I guess."

"Well, he makes you happy though."

That was true. Blaine made him happy, the happiest he ever was. All the kisses and cuddles felt like they were healing him, all the smiles and looks, so bright and happy only for him made him feel special. How careful and attentive Blaine was and helped Kurt whenever he could. Everything between them made him feel so light, happy and like they always had been together. The only thing that really bothered him was, how little Blaine spoke about personal things. About his family, about if he still wanted to go back to San Francisco, about what he wanted to do, what he did. Kurt didn't know much and he wondered why was that.

"You know. He never shares personal things with me. Like family or what he wants to do." Kurt slowly explained.

"Maybe he and his family don't come along and he doesn't want to bother you." Elliott said like it was no big deal. Maybe it was not.

"I don't know. I asked him if he knows, that he can trust me and he said he does. It's just... I think I know him. I know his favorite movie, color, I know that he loves white chocolate and his coffee order. I know all these little things that make me just... fall in love with him more and more."

Elliott listened while emptying his box and Kurt could tell that even his friend, thought, this was weird. It was not like he expected from Blaine to tell him everything. It was enough to know if he was living with his mother, if he had any siblings, was he living with a mother and father.

"Did you tell him about your family?"

"Oh, I told him almost everything. About my father, my mother, even the bullies at school. I felt comfortable enough and he was always understanding. You know, if he doesn't want to share anything yet, that's fine. I just... I want to know everything."

"Because you love him," Elliott said.

He did. If anything he felt more and more for Blaine and if this wasn't love, he had no idea what is was. Sometimes he stayed overnight, Blaine – the cuddle-whore he was – always keeping Kurt close to him, like he was scared Kurt would leave before he woke up. He always kissed and held Kurt whenever possible and appropriate. When Matt did that Kurt got easily annoyed but with Blaine? He couldn't get enough. It was too soon thinking that way, it was too soon to let that happen, but he couldn't help himself and feel this way. That he loved Blaine, that Blaine was who he wanted to share his life with. Only that he knew so little about the Blaine from San Francisco, that kept him sane, guarded to not let all of his walls down just yet.

"Do you think he is hiding something from me?" Kurt asked in a voice like he wasn't sure if this was an appropriate question.

"Like what?" Elliott asked and raised one eyebrows."

"I don't know. Maybe he has someone there? Or maybe his family are criminal? Or he was one? Who knows, Elliott. It could be anything." Kurt came up with and sounded a little bit frustrated. Even to him all of this sounded like a bad movie plot.

"You watch too much Law and Order, Kurt. Just because Blaine seems to be nice and, well, perfect, for you, doesn't mean it's not real. Enjoy it and wait until he is ready. Maybe he just doesn't want to bother you and be happy with you instead."

* * *

><p>Kurt felt a bit better after the talk with Elliott. He still wanted to know about Blaine's family and his life in San Francisco but he was also ready to give him the time he needed. It was the right thing to wait and not push Blaine and his feeling already told him, that there was nothing to be worried about. All the stuff his mind came up with was just him being worried. Because Kurt wanted Blaine to trust him, but figured that this was not his choice. It was Blaine's and he would wait.<p>

With a better feeling and smile on his face, Kurt came closer to the building Blaine and Emma were living in. His steps quickened but then he stopped as he heard loud voices. To be more specific first Blaine and then Emma's loud voice which was something that surprised him so he stopped moving.

"You started this, Emma! There must be a way!"

"I don't know, Blaine!"

Her voice was desperate, high and on the verge of crying. Emma never cried, never showed sadness because she didn't have time for that. But he heard it loud and then silence followed. Thick silence that made it hard to breath, even for Kurt. It didn't need a genius to know that they were fighting about something and it must have been something huge. Blaine always took care of Emma, always made sure she had everything she needed and endless reasons to smile. Why would Blaine yell at her? Why would they fight at all? The only reason Kurt could come up with was, that it had something to do with Emma's heart.

He waited a while longer, giving them the time and space they needed and then knocked against the door. Blaine opened it, trying to smile but Kurt saw that something bothered him, made him even sad.

"Hey you," Blaine tried to sound cheerful.

"Hi," Kurt replied and smiled. It was none of his business and he was sure they didn't want anyone to know they were fighting. So he didn't mention it and didn't ask. Inside he smiled at Emma, her eyes slightly red but smile honest nevertheless.

Elliott picked her up an hour later and Kurt made it his mission to make Blaine smile and forget whatever they were fighting about. For now, that was. With Emma gone he pulled Blaine into a deep kiss right after the door closed. His arms were around Blaine's neck, his lips and tongue doing what Blaine liked and made him groan and soon he melted against Kurt's body. Just like that all the tension fell off his body and Blaine kissed Kurt back. Not needy, not desperate, just deep and sucking it all in because he needed it, both needed it.

"Thank you," Blaine exhaled and caressed Kurt's cheeks with his thumbs, eyes shining with gold and green as he looked into Kurt's.

"You seemed a bit tense and I know what calms you down," Kurt commented, not hiding the proud expression that appeared on his face.

Blaine beamed at him and took Kurt's hand as they walked into Blaine's room. It was not the room Kurt expected to be when he first entered it. He was ready to see pictures of Blaine and his family, from San Francisco, from his old school. But there were none. Only pictures of Emma and Blaine, pictures of Blaine and him and their friends, a shelf with books for NYADA or novels. A desk with stuff from the hospital and NYADA, a bed huge enough for two people. Kurt at least got to decorate a little bit because he thought this room was rather empty and cold, unlike Blaine.

Kurt smiled at Blaine when he closed the door and opened his arms for his boyfriend who asked for another kiss. That was what they did, kiss and kiss and at some point they fell on Blaine's bed. Kurt loved that, making out with Blaine and feel like a teenager who had no idea what to do with all his hormones. He loved to feel the slide of their tongues and all the delicious noises Blaine made when he sucked at his tongue, or, ran his fingers through Blaine's hair.

"Finally alone," Blaine said when he came up for air.

Kurt's lips curled up, his hand still caressing Blaine's hair, running down to his shoulder and his head sank into the pillow and looked at his boyfriend for a while. His beautiful boyfriend with the most beautiful smile and impressive eyes.

"What do you want to do?" Blaine broke the silence.

"Maybe we could take a nap, then order something in and watch a movie while eating? And of course an intense make out session."

"All the night, I suppose?"

Kurt hummed in agreement and kissed Blaine again. Snuggling together and safe under the covers it was Blaine who held Kurt close to his body, smiling against his temple and soon they both fell asleep. Kurt loved naps, especially naps with Blaine and feeling his warm body so close. The smell of coffee and orange was his new favorite and the only thing that made him feel so relaxed like never before in his life.

The woke up when it was already dark outside but the kisses Blaine pressed against his lips, sweet and short felt like a ray of sunshine. Kurt cupped Blaine's face, keeping him close for a while longer to kiss and giggle together and feel almost stupid about how happy all of this made him. Every other guy he once was with made him feel almost claustrophobic when they were too close, wanted too much. Every other guy wanted to do more after some kisses, didn't focus on the romantic part. Blaine was different, exactly doing all the things Kurt knew he liked and didn't know.

Blaine stood up first and ordered their food. Kurt followed him after some more smiling and giggling to himself to pick out a movie. An hour later they ate and laughed about the movie they were watching. Not for one second did he think about asking Blaine about his past or felt bothered about him. Excitement was what Kurt felt when he thought about how they had the apartment to themselves and a full night only for them.

The excitement took the better of him, so he ended up mouthing at Blaine's jaw before the movie was over. Fortunately his boyfriend was on his side and turned his head to kiss Kurt. No longer sweet and lovely, but deep and demanding. A moan escaped his throat and his body moved so he was above Blaine and between his legs. Not wasting any time he began to unbutton Blaine's shirt, smirked into the kiss when he felt fingers pulling at his sweater.

"Bed," gasped Blaine when Kurt's fingers touched his bare chest. Leaning back and up on his feet he took Blaine's hand and dragged him to their destination. Half naked they fell on the bed, mouths finding their way back to the previous kissing and hands freeing the other from the rest of the clothes. Belts, pants, socks and underwear were soon gone and the glorious feeling of Blaine's naked body under his made Kurt shiver.

"Oh, shit!" Kurt gasped as Blaine's lips sucked right under his ear, where he was the most sensitive and making him fully hard. In just some weeks Blaine knew Kurt's body probably better than his own. In the past weeks he had always found this spot, sucked the right way and made Kurt see stars. Teeth, tongue to sooth the pain and then kiss after kiss traveled down his body, so Kurt leaned back on his heels to give Blaine the space he needed.

Lips and tongue were drawing a line down his chest, over his belly and then he felt Blaine licking the head of his hard cock, already leaking and flushed red. A whimper was all Kurt could give and a moan when he looked down and met Blaine's eyes, staring up at him as his lips wrapped around Kurt's cock and swallowed him down.

"Fuck!" Kurt cried out because he didn't expect that and it took him a lot of self control to not just thrust into Blaine's mouth. But it was so good, so hot and wet like it always was.

"Yes," Kurt murmured: "Suck me."

Blaine followed Kurt's words and put everything into it, just like always. His fingers ran through the dark curls, just resting there and let Blaine to the rest. There was really no need to guide him or move, this man knew what he had to do, so it was not surprising when Kurt pulled him back gently, too close to his orgasm. Yet, there wasn't much time to catch his breath because Blaine was kissing him again. His tongue plundered his mouth, letting Kurt taste a bit of himself and moaned lower and longer.

"Wanna rim you."

It just fell out of his mouth, a need he never really had before. Now it was there, hot and burning and the way Blaine widened his eyes and licked his lips told Kurt how much he was into that. A lot apparently. Without hesitation he turned around, showed Kurt his back and looked over his shoulder. This man was not only adorable and handsome, he could also look like pure sin and Kurt devoured him with his eyes, everything he was. Bending down he kissed the back of Blaine's neck, let his tongue run down his spine and kneaded, with his hands, Blaine's perfect round ass. God, he loved that ass more than he dared to admit.

"Kuurrrt," Blaine purred, fucking purred and all the planned teasing flew out of the window. Pulling the cheeks apart and licking his lips when the waiting hole was visible he didn't wait any longer.

"Oh- God!" Blaine choked and with every lick and suck more and more needy noises left his mouth, encouraging Kurt more and more. He licked, moaned, sucked, doing his best to open Blaine up with his tongue, feeling how he moved his legs, bend his knees and moved with Kurt's tongue to get him deeper and where he wanted.

"You want more?" Kurt asked, voice rough and just as aroused.

"Fuck, yes, more."

Pulling back he reached over to the nightstand and took the lube and condom out of the drawer with one hand, the other was busy with rolling Blaine's balls. Back behind him he coated his fingers with the lube, warmed it up and then pushed two inside – knowing Blaine loved the stretch. He did, so much that he soon asked for another and moved together with the three fingers inside him.

"Okay, now, please!"

Kurt nodded to himself and wiped his fingers clean with a tissue from the nightstand, took the condom, opened it and rolled it down his hard, waiting cock. Blaine was panting, whining for more and seeing him like this, hearing him begging silently for Kurt... it blew his mind away. His boyfriend gave himself to Kurt, without fear, without a doubt. He gave all of himself to Kurt and it did things to him he couldn't name. But it was overwhelming. With one last squeeze to Blaine's left cheek he signaled that he was ready and aligned his cock to slowly push inside.

"Yeeessss," Blaine exhaled, mouth formed into an O shape and eyes closed, feeling taking. Kurt choked because of this view but didn't stop pushing inside. Blaine's body just sucked him in, wanted him inside and he raised his ass, stood on his knees while his chest and head rested on the mattress and pillow. Slow, thought Kurt, go slow and he waited, waited some more and then began to move.

Blaine's skin was so warm, covered in a little sweat and looked – like always – so beautiful with its tan color. His ass was responding to each thrust, wanted him deeper and deeper and feel every inch of Kurt. His mouth moved, never closed and let out begs for more, for Kurt to fuck him and holding him, or just making noises. Delicious noises that made Kurt moan even more beside the hot and tight feeling of Blaine. Blood was pumping through his body, making noise in his ears together with his heart.

"Faster, please!" Blaine pleaded and Kurt did so. He moved faster, thrust in deeper and held Blaine's hips so hard he was sure it would leave bruises. They moaned louder, faster together and he got closer and closer knowing this would be over soon. Just everything Blaine gave and did... Kurt reached under Blaine, taking his cock and stroking it three times and they came together with the others name on their lips. Head thrown back, stars behind his eyes he waited to come down from his incredible high, but it felt like forever.

Slowly his body gave in, bending down so his chest met Blaine's back and they were panting together, catching their breaths and coming down. His poor heart was beating so fast, but in the best way possible. His hands moved on their own, reaching for Blaine's and sliding his fingers in between the others.

"Oh fuck," Kurt sighed, pressing kisses on Blaine's shoulder and slowly slit out of Blaine, hearing him whine about the loss. Kurt rolled the condom off, watched Blaine rolling on his back with pure bliss on his face. Condom thrown into the trash he giggled over the grabby hands his boyfriend made before lying back down, right into those arms.

"I wished we could do this more often," Blaine mumbled into Kurt's hair as he kissed his sweaty forehead.

"We could if you weren't so loud."

"I'm not," Blaine complained but Kurt felt the vibration of his laugh.

"Whatever you say."

He wrapped his arms around Blaine's body, breathed deeply in – the smell of sex and Blaine filling his nose – and enjoyed the hand running up and down his back, enjoying the other holding his and the lips kissing his forehead. There was so much he wanted to say. So many things that made him vulnerable, meant to open up the rest of him to Blaine, but he did not. It didn't feel right yet. There was also so much he wanted to ask but did not. This, them alone and smiling while feeling pliant, sated and utterly happy, that was all he wanted. Everything else would come and fit sooner or later.

* * *

><p>Dani and Santana were dressed as Fred and George from Harry Potter and Kurt literally laughed for 30 minutes about Santana's hair. Not in a bad way, but it just looked weird after knowing her for so long. They also quoted the Harry Potter books and movies and made them all laugh. Elliott, and the famous Brian – who looked like any other guy but was fun to have around, Kurt figured – were also part of their little party. Elliott, finally, as Jack Sparrow and Brian did not dress. He said he wanted to meet Elliott's friends as himself without any make up. Kurt and Blaine refused either. Emma on the other hand, with Dani's and Santana's help, was dressed as Hermione and Eric, as expected, as Ron.<p>

They ate and laughed together, talked about the last weeks and it was a refreshing evening. All of them together and being the friends they became over the past months. Blaine even left Eric alone, didn't say anything mean to him because he knew this boy took care of Emma. He did it in a very adorable way. Kurt watched them through the whole evening as he sat next to Blaine, drinking his beer. Whenever Eric wanted to give Emma something he asked if she was allowed to eat that, whenever she carried something with her he made sure it was not too heavy for her. He took so much care of her that he didn't even notice the playful eye rolling Emma mastered to do. She learned form the best, thought Kurt and felt proud of himself for, maybe, no real reason. At some point they shared a kiss and it warmed Kurt up from the inside, seeing them both be so happy and in love.

Love was always good when it was not one sided. Love made a person smile so softly and beautifully and even a bit stupid at times. He knew that because one look at Blaine and he had probably the same look. Kurt was sure he did have the same look, because when Blaine met his eyes he smiled so wide and happy that his cheeks hurt from it. After some hours it was Santana who put some slow music on, helping Dani up from her place and began to dance together slowly. Soon Emma and Eric joined them while Elliott and Brain watched, snuggled together on the armchair. Kurt and Blaine made it their mission to clean the dishes.

When he looked back into the living room – thanks to the open kitchen – he awwed about the view. There were Eric and Emma dancing but in the most adorable way he'd ever seen. Instead of moving on her own her feet were on Eric's, so he held her close and her weight and took the physical effort off of her.

"What are you awwing at?" Blaine asked and looked over, seeing why Kurt made that sound.

"They are adorable. I've never seen Eric caring so much about someone."

He looked away from them, back to Blaine and noticed the small smile on his lips. Of course, he knew it, his boyfriend figured what Kurt had been telling him for so long. That Emma did have a good boyfriend and someone who only did what was good for her.

"You like him," Kurt grinned and grinned some more when Blaine made a grumpy face.

"I like you more though," and the smirk came back on his boyfriend's face.

"Well, I certainly hope so. Because I don't want to share you with anyone."

His arms found their way around Blaine's neck, right where they belonged and shared a long and sweet kiss with him. God, yes, he loved this boy so much it was scary, it was big and pushing on his heart and lungs, but so, so good. It was all right on his tongue, the three words he wanted to say and let Blaine know just what he felt, what he thought and what he wanted. But he didn't get the chance to. The music stopped, tension filled the atmosphere around them and then he heard Eric gasping Emma's name, shock the first thing Kurt noticed.

Pulling back from Blaine he saw how Emma was no longer holding herself up. Her arms just hanging down her body, head lolling on Eric's arm as he lay her down on the ground. He saw Santana and Dani hurrying over to them, Elliott and Brian sitting up. Everyone was saying her name, louder and louder but Emma was no answering. When he and Blaine ran over she was just lying there in Eric's arms. Not speaking. Not moving.


	14. Lucky Charm

Chapter 13. Lucky charm

The cold, scary feeling of uncertainty, of worry and fear was something Kurt already went through. He hated feeling like this, powerless, helpless and not know if things will end good or not. But he had learned to stay calm and wait and not freak out, not yet. It wasn't helping anyone and they were all equally worried. When the ambulance arrived and carried Emma out of the house Blaine followed them, joining them inside the car and the others took a cap, following them. Everything went by so slow, like in a movie and his mind only began to work when they rushed inside the hospital.

He saw them taking Emma away, disappearing behind doors and Blaine stood in front of them, not allowed to enter. Kurt somehow ended up next to him, taking his hand and being there for him. Eric sat next to Dani and looked like he was sick, while his cousin tried to calm him down. Santana stood next to Elliott, all still in their costumes but looking absolutely pale and shocked, helpless like Kurt did. But Blaine? Blaine looked rather sad then shocked.

However, Kurt didn't judge him, didn't even think this was weird. Each person had their own way of dealing with this situation. With a forced smile he leaded Blaine away from the door and to the chairs to sit down. No one said a thing, everyone with busy in their own mind. At some point Dani took off her wig just like Santana. Elliott used the bathroom to wash the make up off. Brian came with bottles of water to keep them hydrated and something to hold, to be busy with.

They waited and waited, some silent some whispering and Kurt looked from the door back to Blaine, who just held his hand, tight with his sweaty one. The sadness was gone and his face became unreadable. His eyes were just staring at the floor but his hand told Kurt probably more than Blaine wanted to share. He had no idea what to focus on. His first thought was, if Emma died Blaine would go back to San Francisco, right? Well, that was what he knew because he didn't ask Blaine again. Then he thought about how bad Blaine probably felt because he and Emma had this bad fight. Maybe even blamed himself that this was the reason why she suddenly ended up here.

After all, she yelled back, something she shouldn't have done.

Then of course the worry they all had. Emma.

It felt like hours had passed when the doctor finally came and called for Blaine's name. Everyone was pulled out of their thoughts, eyes on the man who spoke to Blaine quietly. Kurt watched him, saw how his shoulders fell, how he nodded something and exhaled the breath he held for so long.

"I'll be right back," Blaine said to them and followed the doctor through the door. Again, they waited but this time for not too long. Instead of an hour Blaine came back twenty minutes later and told them to follow him but be quiet.

Kurt was right behind Blaine, following him inside in the room and noticed Emma immediately. She was lying on the bed, a small lamp burning next to it and her eyes open. They walked inside, one right after the other and Blaine did make room for Eric who was the first at her bed. She smiled back at him, exhausted and more pale than ever.

"How are you," he whispered and kissed her hand.

But Emma didn't answer. She just looked at Eric, turned her head to look at them and smiled, eyes filling with tears. That was not a good sign, not at all. Kurt felt panic rising inside of him and thought about covering his ears with his hands to not hear what Blaine said when no one said anything. He did not. There was no way he could run away from the truth.

"She... her heart gave in. It had nothing to do with what we did. It's just her heart slowly giving up," Blaine explained.

Kurt heard gasps, his own hand squeezing Blaine's while his words made no sense to him.

* * *

><p>Kurt remembered how Eric began to chant – no, no, no – how Dani and Santana were crying with Emma and how Elliott had no idea what to do, just like Kurt. Brian took them home, leaving only Blaine, Kurt and Eric who remained at Emma's bed even when she fell asleep. His eyes stared at her for a while, watching her breath to make sure she was alive. Because Blaine's words were still ringing in his ears. Days, Emma had days left, maybe a week but nothing more. The thought alone, the certainty that she only got days left was scary and so unfair. She just began to live, to see all the things she couldn't see for 17 years.<p>

Now her heart decided to just stop?

Now was the time for Blaine to leave?

He hated this thought, hated this situation but didn't cry. There were no tears and he had no idea why. He wanted to cry and yell but he did not. Instead he suggested to leave Emma and Eric alone for some moment and left the room with Blaine to get some coffee. One thing was sure, Blaine would not sleep. His boyfriend was too focused, too lost in his thoughts and planning everything that still needed to be done.

Because Emma's wish was not to die in the hospital but at home were she had been so happy for so many weeks.

"Blaine, you should sleep for some hours. How are supposed to drive her home?" Kurt commented as gently as possible and held Blaine's hand as they sipped their coffee, outside of the hospital.

"You... you're probably right. Eric's here so he'll... he'll call us if something happens."

"Of course he will," Kurt spoke quietly, pressed a kiss against Blaine's cold cheek and smiled when he leaned his body against Kurt's. Maybe now, after knowing what happened, Blaine finally let his walls down and sought the comfort Kurt knew he gave him. Without saying anything he just wrapped his arms around Blaine, placing little kisses on his forehead to calm him down before they went back inside. Back in Emma's room Eric fell asleep, his head resting next to Emma's body and his hand still holding hers.

"We should wake him up," Kurt suggested and Blaine nodded.

"I go and ask the doctor when we can take her home."

"Okay."

They kissed shortly, both needed the other probably more than they realized. With Blaine gone Kurt turned around and just took that view in, feeling how his heart began to bleed because this was not just unfair for him and Blaine and Emma. It was unfair to anyone involved. Elliott, Dani and Santana and especially Eric, who had found love in a girl he maybe could have never held for years. To a girl who deserved a full life, with love, with marriage, with everything. With a last sigh he woke Eric up and after some convincing he agreed to leave Emma alone for now and drive home as well. Blaine came back and told them he could come for her after some more tests tomorrow.

Clearly exhausted and overwhelmed they took a cab back home, Kurt and Blaine climbing out before Eric because the apartment was closer to the hospital. Inside Kurt made them some tea while Blaine took a shower and then went into his bedroom to pick out their pajamas. He had his here because he hadn't planned to go back home anyway. When Blaine was out of the bathroom, curls wild and damp and only towel wound around his waist he didn't come straight to the bedroom. He went into Emma's room and Kurt did not follow him.

Instead he gave him the space he needed and took a shower himself, because he also needed some time alone with his thoughts. He didn't want her to die, he didn't want Blaine to leave and he was scared to ask if Blaine still wanted to even when she died. But maybe she wouldn't maybe her heart would fight and keep her alive. Maybe she'd get a new heart by some miracle. He really hoped that, he wanted for her to have a new heart and live the life she deserved. Blaine, though?

Perhaps, it was time to ask him.

Done with showering he left the bathroom and saw that the only light burning was from Blaine's room. Without hesitation he walked back there and found Blaine sitting on the bed, still with the towel around his waist and holding something in his hands.

"What's that?" Kurt asked, trying to sound neutral, maybe even a bit happy.

"This is Emma's lucky charm," Blaine answered as he looked up and showed Kurt the little amber stone.

"Her lucky charm?"

Kurt sat down next to Blaine, taking the stone from him and admiring the beautiful golden color. It was smooth, reminding him of Blaine's eyes and totally something Emma owned. All she had were simple things that didn't cost much or nothing.

"When she was barely sixteen she decided it was a good idea to run and play, like any other young person. Of course her heart didn't handle it and she got hospitalized. She was sure that it was over but it wasn't and when she woke up this stone was next to her bed. She found it after she fell and since then she calls it her lucky charm."

"We should give it back to her. Maybe... it will give er luck again."

"That was my plan," Blaine smiled at him and Kurt took this moment to share a kiss because Blaine looked, finally, less stressed.

"We should... pajamas," Kurt gasped when Blaine didn't stop kissing him but kissed along Kurt's jaw, traveling to the spot under his ear. No, it was not the right time for sex. Although he felt his cock's growing interest it just felt weird to be aroused when Emma was dying.

"Blaine."

"Can we not?"

"Huh?" Kurt made a confused noise and met Blaine's eyes. They were dark but also pleading.

"I... we don't have to do anything I'd just want to feel you because... I feel so cold inside."

"Of course. Yeah," Kurt said, understood, nodded and both untied their towels and climbed under the covers. Holding his arms open Blaine settled right into them, snuggled close to Kurt and fit so perfectly against his body. His arms, his chest, his legs, just everything was at the right place, fitting like a puzzle piece.

* * *

><p>The next morning was even worse than the night before. They all met at the hospital and helped Blaine to carry Emma home. No longer able to move by herself she needed a wheelchair and people to carry her around because of her heart. Kurt hated to see her like this, the girl who could smile so beautifully was now looking like a ghost, waiting for death to come and end her misery.<p>

They spent the day at Blaine's place, helping him with everything they could before they went back home when there was nothing left to be done. Elliott, his good friend he probably loved more than he showed, brought Kurt some of his stuff, clothes, books because there was still homework he needed to do and told him to take a break too.

Blaine was napping on the couch and Kurt walked over to Emma's room, smiling when he opened the door and his eyes met with Eric's. She was still sleeping, her hand resting in Eric's who looked more exhausted than any other of their friends.

"You need some sleep too, Eric."

"I know... I just... I can't believe that-

He said nothing more and didn't need to. The pain he felt, how desperately he wished for things to be different, to be better for them. It was all over his face and audible in his voice. Kurt knew that feeling too well and it was the worst he had ever been through.

"I know. It's a horrible feeling," Kurt said as he walked inside and his eyes fell on Emma's nightstand where her lucky charm was.

"Did you know that this is her lucky charm?" he asked and picked it up to show it Eric.

"I didn't."

"Well, maybe it will give her some luck again."

The expression on his friend's face didn't change and Kurt wasn't expecting that to happen. Not really. The chances that Emma wouldn't survive... it was almost certain because he doubted that, with some crazy miracle, a new heart would appear from nowhere. That was out of his control, nothing he could change nor make it happen.

"Hey, come here," Kurt spoke quietly, squeezing Eric's shoulder and slowly his friend stood up, falling into the hug Kurt offered him. A sob fell from his lips, his arms shaking as they held Kurt for dear life and Kurt did his best to be there for him. He wanted to tell Eric that things would be okay, but he knew they wouldn't. Some things they couldn't change nor prevent. Some things simply happened or needed to happen.

"Thanks," Eric said and pulled back which was the sign for Kurt to leave. Closing the door behind him he fished for his phone to see what time it was. 10Pm, pretty late and he still needed to do some of his homework, which was the last thing on his mind but one of his responsibilities. With a sigh he pushed the phone back into his pocket and walked into the living room. There he found Blaine, sleeping on the couch and finally getting the sleep he needed. Last night he didn't sleep much. Whenever he woke up Kurt felt how he pressed little kisses on his shoulder, his collarbone, felt Blaine's arms holding him tighter before he drifted off to another hour of sleep.

The night had been restless for them both. He woke him up, gently and guided Blaine to his room were they changed into their pajamas and fell asleep together.

The next day – Monday - Kurt went back to NYADA to finish his homework because with Blaine and Emma around it was almost impossible. He went to his classes, answered the questions of his friends about Emma's condition and then went straight back to Blaine's place. Emma was either sleeping or lying in her bed, listening to music, watching a musical with Blaine or Eric around her when Kurt was gone. The next three days were exactly like this – he was lucky that his boss understood what was happening and gave him the week off. But with each passing day Emma became weaker and weaker, slept most of the time instead of being awake. When she kept her eyes open and someone spoke to her, she smiled. Emma always smiled.

One evening he and Blaine sat in the living room, giving Eric and Emma the time alone they deserved to have before she died. This thought made Kurt sick and he almost began to pant because it also scared him. Blaine, then, pulled him gently into his arms, held him and spoke soothing words against his temple. But it should have been the other way around. Kurt should have been the one calming Blaine down.

But... Blaine was the one who was calm. Scary calm. He took care of Emma and then kept Kurt close. It was not the same way he used to hold Kurt. It was still lovely, still gentle but desperation was also there. Like he was scared Kurt would leave him any second.

* * *

><p>"Kurt!" Blaine hissed, shook him awake. In any other moment of his life he would have mumbled something, maybe even snap because sleep was sacare to a college student. This time he woke up, sat up fast and straight like a candle.<p>

"What?" he asked and then he heard the bieping sound, noticed the lamp burning and the small black thing in Blaine's hand. The pager, Emma's pager that...

"Holy fuck!"

Within seconds his heart was beating fast, painfully against his chest and lungs, but breathing was the last thing he worried about. Blaine left the room to get to Emma, Kurt picked up their clothes to at least change and not drive in pajamas to the hospital – it was way too cold for that to be honest. He left the room, already changed and found the two of them at Emma's bed who looked tired, but more shocked. Even when she noticed Kurt all her brown eyes screamed was; is this true?

"Go, change I take care of her," Kurt suggested with a little dominant tone because Blaine otherwise wouldn't listen and leave their apartment in pajamas.

With his boyfriend gone he put Emma some warm clothes on, got the wheelchair and helped her inside. Then he took the stone, her purse and smiled at her when she eyes the little stone.

"Maybe it will give you the luck you need."

She smiled, tears filling her beautiful eyes while she nodded and held the stone safe in her hand. He smiled, too, feeling happy, feeling excited and no longer as sad and broken as before. She had a chance, there was a heart waiting for her and if Fortuna meant it good to her, than her body would also accept that heart. He stood behind her, pushed the wheelchair and met Blaine in the hallway, bag in one hand taking the purse from Kurt as they put their shoes on and left the apartment.

Compared to the last time everything just happened so fast that Kurt didn't even say anything when Blaine drove way too fast through the city. Meanwhile he texted his friends, sharing the news and that they were on their way to the hospital. He didn't expect them to come because it was in the middle of the night but he knew they would. Blaine parked, taking the wheelchair out of the trunk as Kurt helped Emma out and then into the wheelchair. With fast steps they left the parking lot, hurried inside and Blaine went straight to the nurse, telling her why they were here and she nodded called for the doctor without hesitation.

Things just happened fast after that. The people came, took Emma with them and disappeared behind the doors leaving Kurt and Blaine alone, both panting, both shaking and their hands holding tightly together. Again, it meant to wait and hope. Kurt found the control back over his body, he squeezed Blaine's hand leaned over and rested his forehead against Blaine's temple. He just needed to feel him, something beside himself, something real.

"It will be fine," Kurt whispered and he didn't expect how good it would feel to say that. All the hope, all the wishes and dreams, it seemed like they could come true, like they were coming true. That, he wanted them them to believe in that and stay positive.

Blaine smiled at him, pressed a kiss against his lips but the happiness Kurt wanted to see on his face never came. Not the radiant one. So he kissed him again, the smile on Blaine's lips growing a little bit and Kurt figured that he was probably just worried, still.

* * *

><p>A week later<p>

"So her body is accepting the heart?" Kurt asked over the phone while eating his lunch. He couldn't be with Blaine because his final exams were close nd he needed to study, needed to pass them. College was expensive, his chance to live his dream.

"Yes. She needs to take some pills and attend a therapy, but, so far, she is doing great."

Kurt made kicky feet under the table, gaining a glare from the waitress and mouthed a sorry when he caught her eyes.

"But she is still hospitalized?"

"Yeah, but they said she'll be home over Christmas."

"That's good. We could celebrate it together... maybe?"

Silence happened that made him feel nervous. He still hadn't asked Blaine if he would stay or not. Emma was alive, had a new heart and this meant also that Blaine would leave, if this was still his plan. It made sense, though. Blaine said he wouldn't attend the final exams because Emma needed him now more than ever. Kurt had no idea if he actually talked with his teachers or not about that, he had no idea if Blaine planned to attend another year. Or if this was just no longer relevant for him because he would go anyway.

God, he didn't want that to happen. He wanted the person he loved to stay here with him and, with Emma and not gone somewhere in San Francisco. Kurt almost said that out loud, almost pleaded Blaine to say but he snapped his mouth shut when he heard Blaine saying.

"I'd love to."

It was Blaine's answer and Kurt could hear something new in his voice. Something that warmed him up from deep down inside, filled his veins, his heart and soul and Kurt almost chocked the words out. The three words he was so scared to say because they meant so much to him. Love was nothing he just wanted to give to anyone. Not this kind of love.

"Then let's make it special," Kurt smiled instead and if anyone was watching him now, they all saw it. The deep, honest and big love shown through one smile.

* * *

><p><strong>The big secret will be revealed in the next chapter. Any ideas so far? :) And thanks so much to all you people reading, sending me messages and reviews. It helps me so much to keep on writing, so, please never stop.<strong>


	15. The End Of A Dream

Chapter 14. The end of a dream

_You could be my favourite taste_  
><em>To touch my tongue<em>  
><em>I know someone who could serve me love<em>  
><em>But it wouldn't fill me up<em>

_You could have my favourite face_  
><em>And favourite name<em>  
><em>I know someone who could play the part<em>  
><em>But it wouldn't be the same<em>

_No it wouldn't be the same_  
><em>No it wouldn't be the same<em>  
><em>No it wouldn't be the same<em>  
><em>As with you<em>

_You could be my favourite place_  
><em>I've ever been<em>  
><em>I got lost in your willingness<em>  
><em>To dream within the dream<em>

_You could be my favourite faded fantasy_  
><em>I've hung my happiness upon what it all could be<em>

_Damien Rice - My Favourite Faded Fantasy_

* * *

><p><strong>Five days before Christmas<strong>

Final exams were over and Kurt wanted to cry because of that fact. No more books, no more nights awake for at least two weeks. Which meant more time with his friends and Blaine and he couldn't wait to see how Emma was doing – who he hadn't seen for at least a week. With a smirk and a good bye at NYADA on his lips he left the campus and took the subway back home to change his clothes and then go straight to Emma.

There he knocked against the door and it was not Blaine who opened it. It was Emma who smiled like a Christmas tree when she noticed that it was Kurt waiting behind her door. Clear as day, Emma was still pale, still looking like she didn't sleep enough but her smile blinded that all out.

"You look good," Kurt said with an equal wide smile and hugged her gently.

"Thanks," she said and her voice was just as clear and alive as her smile. "I'm feeling better."

"No adverse effect because of the pills?"

Emma shook her head while Kurt closed the front door and took his shoes off, following her slowly into the living room, which was without a sign of Blaine. Wasn't he home?

"The therapy helps a lot, the pills too and they said if nothing changes I can start to live a normal life in three months."

"That's amazing," Kurt smiled at her when she sat down on the couch and reached out for her mug with tea. "Where is Blaine though?"

He couldn't help but feel worried, almost panicked because Blaine's words were echoing in his head since Emma got her new heart. How he would leave them all when she died or got a new heart. When or if that was still going to happen, he didn't know and this uncertainty was driving him crazy right now.

"He is at NYADA, writing his final exams. They understood the situation he was in and gave him the chance to do them yesterday and today."

"What?" Kurt exhaled because he had no idea about that. He didn't even see Blaine at NYADA nor did his friends mention that they saw him. This knowledge made him feel a little bit left out because he could have helped Blaine. Instead of feeling sad and maybe even a bit angry he explained to himself, that, all the stuff with Emma was more important than telling Kurt about this plan. Blaine simply forgot, thought Kurt and placed his bag next to the couch, smiling at Emma.

"When will he be back?" Kurt asked.

"Um, I guess in two or three hours."

"Okay," Kurt said and nodded as he looked around and only then noticed the Christmas tree. Pretty naked Christmas tree. "We can decorate the tree if you want to?"

Emma gaped at him like a little child, mouth open eyes wide and then she was nodding enthusiastically.

"You never did this before?"

"No," Emma answered and stood up, smoothing her dark green dress down Kurt once bought for her. "I never got the chance to."

"Now you do," he said and asked where the Christmas decoration was. He went into the basement, got it and soon they were decorating the tree together. It was way more fun to watch her, with this honest smile and her brown eyes shining. A month ago she was so close to dead and now she stood here, with a new heart and the promise of a future.

He remembered Eric who had been so happy and crying for hours about the fact, that, Emma's body accepted the heart. That she would live, that they had the chance to have a future together. He remembered how they all were happy, crying and how he expected for Emma's parents to appear. But she had none and she didn't want to know nor find them. At least, that was what she said before a new heart gave her the chance to live and Kurt wondered if something had changed.

"It's weird, you know, realizing that I, soon, can do whatever I want and live a life with many many years in it," said Emma, holding a red bauble in her hand.

"I'm sure it is. For any other person it's normal and many of them don't appreciate that enough."

"True. But whoever lost their life for this, I'll make sure to be grateful and enjoy life for them too."

Right, someone lost their life so Emma got a new heart. It was sad for the people who lost that person, it was tragic and unfair, yes. But that was life, beautiful and painful.

"Do you... know who it was?" he asked and reached into the box for more baubles and handed Emma some.

"I do. I asked Blaine to find them for me and we've talked. They were happy for me after hearing my story, but of course their loss hurt them. I was sure they would be angry, you know? That I got the chance to live while their beloved person died. But... this is life and I make sure to thank them properly when I get better. You should have seen Eric, though. He was literally on his knees, thanking them."

"He can be such a drama queen."

Emma giggled and nodded, Kurt smiled and changed the subject, knowing this was a bit scary and probably also a small burden for her.

"So, what are your plans?"

"Well, I first have to graduate and the courses start in January. Then I thought about to become a social worker."

"Really? I thought you wanted to do something with music and film?" Kurt was surprised about that.

"Oh no. I'm not that good of a dancer nor can I sing. But I can help, you know? I know how it feels like to be left alone over and over again or to have no one at all. There are... too many kids without their parents, without someone who understands them and I want to help those people."

Okay, now it was no longer surprising to him. He knew how she was passed around from family to family and the same thing happened every time. Each family gave her back because her heart problems were too much to handle. For him it was something unbelievable to happen and nothing he would have ever done, giving away his own baby. No, never.

"I think it's a wonderful idea," Kurt said and they shared a smiled. Together they hung bauble after bauble on the tree, decorated it with a lights and lametta. That done Emma went to her room to take a nap, saying the pills still made her sleepy. In the meantime Kurt cleaned the dishes in the kitchen and waited for Blaine to come back. Today, hopefully, was the day he could finally ask him and his plans. If he wanted to stay or go, but, the fact that he did go to do the final exams was a good sign. At least Kurt took it as one.

When he was done with the dishes and settled down on the couch to answer some texts from his friends, Blaine finally came home, hidden under a beanie and scarf and coat. Yes, it was pretty cold outside but the snow was still missing. With a smile on his lips he stood up and approached the front door, smiling even wider when their eyes met. Blaine gave him the same smile back, showing all his teeth and eyes becoming small.

"You're already here," Blaine said as he took off his winter clothes and hurried over to Kurt to share a kiss.

"I am. Emma also told me that you did your final exams."

"Oh. Yeah, I did. They gave me the chance to because of everything that had happened."

Kurt wanted to make a happy noise, wanted to make those kicky feet he always did. He did not, he just bit his lip and followed Blaine into his room, where he left his bag and then turned to Kurt, walking up to him and wrapping his arms around him, where they belonged.

"I'm proud of you. I know the past weeks had been hard for us all, especially for you, and yet you decided to do the exams."

Blaine's smile changed a bit. It was no longer as bright as before, rather soft and his eyes showed the relieve he felt.

"I hope you are."

* * *

><p>Over the next weeks Kurt watched how Emma literally bloomed. She smiled more, ate more, slept less and even the doctors were impressed about how well she was doing and how fast. Her body accepted the heart like an old friend and gave her the life she always had wished for. Which also meant that he and Blaine found more time for each other because he didn't need to be around her as much as he used to. She could slowly do a lot of things on her own, went out with the girls, with Eric and Elliott and Brian. She was living the life shared with friends. Of course it was Kurt who took her to her first shopping tour and they laughed so much together that his belly hurt. Really, he had never seen his friends and Emma so happy.<p>

However, he still noticed how Blaine was not as happy as the rest of them. He still smiled, he still laughed, but his heart was never into it. The only time he seemed to be happy – with his heart – was when they were alone and together. In the past weeks Blaine became clingy, always wanted to cuddle whenever possible, always kissed Kurt in such a sweet way like he wanted him to remember all the kisses and touches.

At first Kurt didn't really notice what was going on. He was on such a high because he passed all his exams, because Emma was doing so good and because he finally got more alone time with his boyfriend. He enjoyed their dates, their conversations about all the stuff they enjoyed and learned together. Every second was like paradise. Especially the moments when they just were them, together, showing their feelings through kisses, cuddles and sex.

But then he noticed how Blaine seemed a little bit off whenever they were not alone. Which was truly odd. Emma had always been the person who got that warm smile from Blaine. The special one he only gave to the person he truly cared about. Blaine never showed that smile to Emma ever again.

It worried him a lot because something had changed between them. Kurt had this feeling since he overheard their fight. How Blaine yelled: "You started this, Emma! There must be a way!" and she tried to yell back, her voice desperate: "I don't know, Blaine!"

What did Emma start, Kurt thought a lot. Was it something about Eric? Or maybe something else? Had it something to do with Blaine? Because he demanded a change, Emma to change something she had started. Kurt didn't ask and didn't mention it. He knew he was never supposed to hear this fight and didn't want to make Blaine upset again. Whatever it was, he hoped that Blaine would tell him about it. Like he still waited for Blaine to tell Kurt more about his family, his life in San Francisco.

They were together for almost 6 months and he still knew nothing about Blaine's family or past. All he knew was, that Blaine's mother had a friend in New York who happened to be the nurse who took care of Emma. That was all he knew and it felt weird because Kurt wanted it all. He wanted to know every side of Blaine, what he used to do, what he never did. His mistakes, his success, his family. Kurt wanted to feel connected to Blaine in a deeper way. Not just through kisses and sex, through the present and past they shared together. He wanted everything, all of Blaine and give Blaine all of him. Because he loved Blaine.

Kurt never really understood love, but he knew he always wanted to find his prince charming. He hadn't been sure if he even knew what it felt like, or, when it happened, if he would even know that it was love, or how he imagined his prince charming to be. People talked about love, movies and books described love, but nothing of the stuff he had read or seen had been familiar to him.

Now, he knew it. The moment he had met Blaine, kissed him, got together with him, was a moment that opened a door to his heart and let all these emotions out. Emotions so pure and warm. Emotions that made him smile wide and happy until his cheeks hurt. Emotions that made him breathless, his heart grow and beat in a new melody. Each touch, kiss and look was like falling into a beautiful dream together with Blaine.

Whenever Kurt felt all of this he was not just happy but sometimes even scared his body was too small, to hold all of this inside. Only with Blaine around him, close to him, his soul found the place to let it all out and knew, there it was safe and where, everything he felt, belonged. So it was not really surprising that he noticed when Blaine was acting like himself or not.

It was March, spring was already coming and the snow gone, when Kurt and Blaine spent a night together in Kurt's apartment. It had been a great day, if anyone asked Kurt how his day had been. He went to work, left right after 1pm to meet Santana and Dani for lunch and met Blaine after that to go to watch a movie and then straight to Kurt's place. It was Kurt's turn to have the apartment to himself anyway and Emma and Eric couldn't go to his place with his two roommates.

After some late diner and cuddling, while watching TV, they went to Kurt's room and fell asleep. He didn't sleep through the whole night. Kurt woke up around 3am to warm, soft kisses on his cheek. Still half asleep he reacted on instinct, bending his head until he felt Blaine's lips on his and just kissed him for a while. They began to undress until they both were naked and Blaine broke the kiss to get the lube. He didn't ask Kurt to stretch him although he loved that a lot. No, that night Blaine did something else.

His lips kissed Kurt in a way he never did before and Kurt couldn't even describe it. But he took it, everything Blaine gave him and gave Blaine everything he asked for. Every gasp and moan his boyfriend made, as he fingered himself open, went right through Kurt's body, down to his cock and making him harder and harder.

After some more kisses and moans Blaine pulled back, rolling off of Kurt and lay beside him, panting before he asked.

"Can we do it like this?"

Kurt blinked, clearly confused but Blaine moved his hand down, under his knee and rolled onto his right side. Not entirely so he could still look at Kurt.

"Okay," Kurt gasped and took the condom, opening the wrapper and rolled it down his aching cock. Yet, he waited before he moved behind Blaine and looked at him, to make sure everything was okay. Blaine's smile told him it was and so Kurt took his position, holding his cock to slide slowly inside him and let go from his cock to hold Blaine's leg, right under his knee. He waited for some moments, smiled at Blaine when his face relaxed and began to move.

He never had sex like this, not in this position, not with a hand on the back of his neck, to keep him close so they could kiss. For some reason Blaine looked completely vulnerable. His eyes never closed, always looked at Kurt with the purest color of gold and the darkest shadows of lust and, Kurt wanted to believe, love. Everything was visible for Kurt, his chest, his hand wandering up and down Blaine's chest, his other hand still around the back of Kurt's head so he never looked away. For some reason, he felt much closer, much more powerful. It was scary, so scary how Blaine let himself fall and how he trusted Kurt. It was scary because he did it so easily without even saying a word.

It was good, so good but at the same time... something about the way Blaine kissed him and wanted him, all of him like he wanted to remember this, make Kurt remember this and never forget. With his last piece of sanity Kurt pushed this thought aside, probably just imaging stuff and began to kiss Blaine again. He pushed his leg a bit higher, thrusting deeper inside, nice and slow and soon they both came from the sheer kissing, from the feeling of being so close. No wall, no doubt between them. They kissed and moaned through their orgasm, waited until they came down from it and just panted into the others mouth.

Moments later he slipped out of Blaine, tying the condom and throwing it into the trash. His heart was still pounding, not even trying to stop and bliss was running through his body, filling him up. When he turned back to Blaine he saw that he was feeling the same way. With his chest rising and falling, heart pounding and eyes shining like the blissful smile, he knew Blaine felt the same.

"Thank you," Blaine whispered, voice low and soft.

"Thank you," Kurt whispered back, kissing Blaine and wrapping his arms around him, as their foreheads leaned against each other. Just a moment, thought Kurt, just a moment to breath, to feel and then he needed to ask.

"Will you.. still go back to San Francisco?"

Silence was the frsit thing that filled the gap between them, fear growing inside him, but Blaine took him out of his misery, pressing a kiss against Kurt's lips and answered.

"I don't want to."

* * *

><p>"I'm going to say it. I'll tell him that I love him," Kurt encouraged himself as he said it over and over again, muttering under his breath.<p>

"You've been saying this for an hour now," Elliott said from the kitchen and made a funny face at Kurt.

"I know. I just... I really need to say it. Otherwise I'll explode."

Elliott smiled at him, turned back to the refrigerator and looked what was missing to finish the grocery list he was working on.

"Last night, when we... Elliott, I swear I'll never meet someone like him ever again. He just... he was so open-"

Elliott made a shocking face and Kurt huffed.

"Not like _that_."

"I know."

Kurt wanted to tell Elliott why, wanted to tell him how he felt around Blaine, how Blaine made him feel all of these things. How he just knew Kurt like no one else ever did. Kurt never asked for anything, never wanted much from Blaine. But he gave it to him, all Kurt needed and never knew he needed. This was his reality.

How many people got this lucky? He knew only one person and that was his father. The rest of his high school friends did not, nor anyone at NYADA. Something like this was rare, he was sure of it. Rare, but so good and so scary. He knew, the moment he would say to Blaine that he loved it would be the most vulnerable moment in his life. Some people would say it was sex or something else that made a person the most vulnerable. But for Kurt it was this, admitting feelings and left with the hope that the other person felt the same way, or, didn't hurt him. Blaine could hurt him, so much, because he cared, loved Blaine more than anything.

"I'm sure he feels the same way, Kurt. I have no doubt about that. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's my turn to fight my way through mothers with their children and people who don't know what they want and block the way."

Kurt snorted when his friend made pose like a warrior and left their apartment. Alone with his thoughts and his racing heart, he made himself some tea and waited for Blaine to come. Something around 3pm was what Blaine told him because Emma still had her therapy and doctor's appointments. She was already able to attend the appointments alone but sometimes Blaine went with her. Probably to make sure everything was alright, and it was. Really. Everything was perfect and would be even more perfect. That was what Kurt hoped and he smiled to himself. Who knew his life would ever feel, well, perfect.

The door bell rang and Kurt jumped off his chair, hurried over to open the door and smiled, all teeth – which happened very rarely – when his eyes found Blaine. Adorable and handsome Blaine, dressed in his usual way. Bow tie, a blue button up and mustard pants, curls smoothed down to a shell of gel and eyes shining when they met Kurt's.

"Hello you."

"Hey you," Blaine said and his voice was still clear and filled with happiness, but it was not the same happiness. Kurt ignored it and thought that Blaine was probably just exhausted. Though, when he didn't walk inside Kurt couldn't help himself but feel confused.

"Can we... go outside?"

"Yeah, sure."

Maybe Blaine wanted to go somewhere, which was okay for Kurt. Maybe he could convince Blaine to go somewhere special and say what he wanted to say for so long. But, walking around meant time, time to think and maybe change his mind. No, not a good idea, he thought as he followed Blaine outside and stopped at the front door.

"I need to tell you something before we go anywhere," he admitted nervously.

"Um, I'm not here to... go somewhere. I'm here to talk, too."

"Oh... um, okay," Kurt stammered and this made him feel even more confused while Blaine gestured to sit down on the stairs to the front door. Kurt sat down, right next to him giving him a worried look before he started to come up with possible scenarios about what happened. Or, maybe, Blaine just wanted to talk about something good. God, he really needed to stop being so dramatic, right?

"Can I go first?"

"Of course."

It was the first time Kurt saw Blaine like this. Like he was thinking hard, trying to solve a conflict that was happening inside him. His face was no longer relaxed, eyebrows not sure if they should move together or not and his hands... usually his hands were calm, holding Kurt's or doing gestures while Blaine spoke. Now he fumbled with his fingers, clearly uncomfortable? He didn't like to see Blaine like this.

"I... I wasn't honest with you. Well, I wasn't honest to anyone, but Emma."

Not honest? About what? Kurt just stared at Blaine, waited and when he finally looked at Kurt he stopped breathing. It was like Blaine looked at him for the first time ever. Not with adoration, not with all the sparkles and colors in his eyes. He was just looking at Kurt with brutal honesty.

"I'm not real, Kurt."

"Huh? What do you mean, not real?"

Because for him everything was real and felt real and exactly what Blaine said felt, unreal.

"I'm just... a dream. You know? I'm not... not real like you are or Emma."

Confusion crawled through Kurt, filled his mind and soul. What the hell was Blaine talking about? Not real? Was this some kind of bad joke? Because, sometimes, Blaine did have a strange humor and he didn't like that joke. Blaine, not real, he felt the need to yell at him because everything they had shared was the most real thing he had ever experienced.

"I know it sounds crazy. I know it sound impossible but... this is the truth. Emma wished for a friend, for someone who cared about her and gave her what she never had. A life, a friend to share life with. I'm her wish, her dream that came true."

"Blaine, are you okay? Is this some kind of joke?"

"No, Kurt. I'm not joking," Blaine said, desperation filling his voice and eyes pleading Kurt to believe him.

The thing was, Kurt saw that he was honest. He saw it seconds ago, he saw it now and had no idea if he should feel scared or confused. Probably little of both?

"But... I... what?"

"Emma dreamed about it, wished for it and the amber stone she has... it has some magic energy. That's why her wish came true and that's how I ended up here."

"But... what about San Francisco?"

Kurt just asked every question he came up with because he didn't know what else to do. But he needed and wanted to understand. Whatever there was to understand and whatever this meant.

"It's something we came up with if people asked. I know how crazy it sounds, believe me. The deal was, that, I'd stay by her side until the very end. Which was her dead or Emma getting a new heart. Now she has one and doesn't need me anymore."

"Blaine, this is crazy."

"Kurt," Blaine said, putting everything into his voice to convince Kurt about what he already knew. Since the moment he had met Blaine he knew, something was there, something he ran away from since the start.

"I know it sounds crazy... but I'm not lying, not anymore. But... I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry that... I'll hurt you."

"Because you are not... real? Not human?"

Blaine shook his head, taking Kurt's hands into his and squeezing it, feeling it in the same way they had sex. As if he tried to remember this. As... if this was the last moment he got the chance to do that. Kurt understood it now, clear as day what had happened the night before. It was not just them connecting, not just Blaine making himself vulnerable, not just them sharing unspoken love and creating memories both would never forget. It was Blaine also saying good bye.

"Because I have to go."

"No," was Kurt's immediate answer. No, this was not true.

"I have to. I've... we've tried to find a way so I could stay. So I could become real and be here with you. We've tried but there is nothing we can do. Nothing and... I'm so sorry I... I don't want to hurt you, I've never meant to hurt you. But... when I saw you," Blaine spoke, almost chocking on his own words as his eyes filled with tears. "When I saw you I just... I had no idea what to do with myself. All I wanted was to be with you, forever. That's why I tried to stay away from you but... failed. I know I did. The many times I sang for you, smiled at you... I know it was wrong, but I feel so much that it's hard to control it."

"And when we became a couple. I... I just ignored it and looked for a solution. But I couldn't find one and now I... I have to go."

"Where?" asked Kurt, standing up and the need to run away so he wouldn't hear the answer was huge. But he stood still, watching Blaine standing up as well and giving him the most hurt look ever.

"I'll disappear. I came from nowhere and I'll go back there."

Kurt mind was blank. He just stared at Blaine and couldn't believe any of this. How could anything they had shared, anything he felt not be real? Blaine had a heart beat, Blaine was warm, Blaine was as real as he was. How could he just... disappear.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I'm really sorry. I'm not sorry for what we've shared, what we felt because that is real. Everything I feel is real. I just... I can't stay and I wish I could. I'm just sorry that... I'll hurt you."

"I love you."

It had left his mouth like a gun shot. It just fell from his lips and his heart began to pound faster, pumping hope through him for some reason. If Blaine was just a dream, just something created by magic or whatever, then this could be a fairy tale, right? If this was some fairytale then he believed that one thing always brought he happy ending. Love. So he said it, all his feelings put into this, his heart, his soul and making himself the most vulnerable ever. Love would safe him, right? Love would bring him his happy ending, right?

His eyes never left Blaine's face, his heart waited for him to safe it, catch it and keep it safe from its downfall. Only this guy could do it. So his hope grew bigger when he saw the smile on Blaine's lips, the usual sparkle in his eyes, the expression he always gave Kurt when they were alone. Breath after breath filled and left his lungs, eyes focused on Blaine's mouth in anticipation as he opened it.

But Kurt never heard him say another word. Blaine disappeared right in front of his eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>The next chapter will be Blaine's POV. If you have any questions, please ask and tell me what you think! And I promise this fic has a happy ending ;)<strong>


	16. Not part of the plan

**This is Blaine's POV from the moment he met Emma to the moment he had to leave. I only picked the important parts out otherwise, this chapter would have been tooooo long :) Oh! And Merry Christmas to those who love it. I sadly don't, it makes me sad. Anyway, see this chapter as a little gift from me although I'd love to give u more guys.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 15. Not part of the plan<p>

_**a year earlier**_

Blaine smiled while he watched her walking around the apartment. He saw the sparkle in her eyes, how they took everything in, all the things she never had. Blaine knew Emma went from family to family but ended up in an orphanage and maybe she really, never got to live in an apartment. He was almost sure about that because she walked so slowly, eyed everything closely and touched each door frame, each surface so gently and smiled a little bit when she realized, this was real.

This was her life now and Blaine was here to make sure it was a life.

He waited, standing in the middle of the living room, the warm cozy living room, crème colored, a couch under the window, shelves filled with books and little nice things. Emma came back from the open kitchen, giving Blaine a questioning look who nodded and then she walked back into the hallway, entering the first room. Blaine followed her, hands in his pockets. There was a huge bed only for her, a closet, a shelf filled with books, CD'S and DVD's – basically only musical DVDs – only for her.

"This... is my room?" asked the quiet voice not believing what she saw.

"Yes, all of this is yours," smiled Blaine and leaned against the door frame.

He watched the corners of her mouth moving but there was still not the smile he hoped to see.

"I... I never had a room for myself."

"Now you do," he said calmly with a smile on his lips as he walked over to her, gently wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Emma was not used to this, to simple hugs, to friendly gestures and he didn't judge her or minded how tense she became but eventually relaxed. That was the reason why he was here after all to give her a life and reasons to smile.

"Thank you," whispered the melodic voice and felt her thin, weak arms sliding around his body.

* * *

><p>Right from the moment they met Blaine had told Emma who he was. Or rather what he was. He had told her about the magic power in her amber stone, told her that he was only here because she wished for a friend. Emma, of course, didn't believe him at first because it did sound crazy. Eventually she did believe him and asked more questions. If he was human or not, if something could happen to him or not. No, nothing could really happen to him and no he was not a human being. Not really, but he felt, thought and acted like one. There was nothing on him that made him look less human. He had a heart, he had a soul and he felt things.<p>

But his mission was to stay at her side until the very end. Which was her dead or a new heart. Then, he would disappear and never come back. Emma wondered how he knew that. Blaine just did. That was the thing about magic and Blaine had some in himself but only for the serve to help Emma.

His magic was to convince people. That's how he became her guardian, how he became an apartment and how he also got financial support. But he could only use this magic to help her and not himself. He, was not important, Blaine knew that. His nature was to be her guardian.

Emma, on the other hand, was constantly worried that people would figure it out. That something bad was going to happen. But he told her that everything would be fine, that he got a place for them, that he already was signed up as her guardian and that he even talked to the hospital and learned what he had to take care of. The pager, the medication the appointments Emma needed to attend. It was not that hard for Blaine to get all of that. It was easy, because that was the reason why he was here. To give her all the smiles this girl never had, the life this girl never had.

Two weeks later they were living in a nice apartment having found their own little routine about what Blaine had to do and what Emma could do without damaging her heart even more. She easily accepted her new life, easily considered it as her home and smiled, probably more than she did in the past 17 years. Eventually she believed Blaine without a doubt and felt blessed to have a friend like him. Even if just for a couple of months.

Every morning he made her breakfast, gave her the medication she needed and cleaned the kitchen while she took a shower, one of the things Emma could do. After that they went out for a walk, something she could also do without being worried. Blaine learned that though Emma was born in New York and never left it she saw only bits of her hometown. In February he took her everywhere, all the famous places New York had. Sometimes she needed to sit in a wheelchair.

Every day was a new adventure for her and every evening ended up with them, curled up on the couch and watch a musical together. Blaine always sang along while Emma hummed, not able to sing herself but mouth along because when she tried, she put everything into it and her heart began to rebel. Beside watching the musicals together and finally have a friend she enjoyed the sound of Blaine's voice.

It was his instrument to calm her down when her heart started to go crazy. Which had happened several times during the first month they lived together.

* * *

><p><em><strong>11 months earlier<strong>_

"What are you doing?" asked Emma and sat down across from Blaine. They were in the kitchen, drinking tea while Blaine was busy filling a paper.

"Getting into NYADA, I have to otherwise I can't be your guardian. I need to do something, college, work, anything. Not to forget that it will look weird if I do nothing but take care of you."

He smiled and she looked rather confused.

"NYADA, huh? Isn't that the school about acting singing?"

"It is," smiled Blaine and wrote something down.

"But... can't you just... convince them that you don't need to?"

"I could but I think it will be fun, you know? I could take you with me and show you the life of a student and, maybe, you'll find some friends. I mean, there is a chance you'll get a new heart. So, why not?"

Emma smiled showing him that she did like the idea. Then she frowned.

"Aren't you... afraid that someone will figure it out? I mean that you're.. not real."

"They won't. We just need to play along and create a story together which we'll have to learn by heart."

Emma nodded while Blaine put the papers back into the folder and reached out for his cup, taking a sip from his tea. He knew he could do a lot of convincing but he couldn't do it all the time. Also, attending NYADA didn't sound that bad because he loved singing and acting. One of the things he just knew he liked.

"Well, we can't tell them the truth, right?"

"No. It's better this way and it's not like anyone would believe us. Rather call us crazy or something. Anyway, I already worked something out," he smiled and handed her a piece of paper with a text. Emma took it, read the first line and her eyebrows shoot up.

"Blaine Anderson, twenty years old, music and acting student from San Francisco. Your mother knew a nurse working in my hospital and that's how you got to know about me?"

"Yep. San Francisco is far away. If we say I'm from New York people will wonder why I have no friends or family here."

"Right," nodded Emma and kept on reading: "You have a brother who is an actor, a father who has his own company and your family is rich."

"If people wonder how we pay for everything."

"Okay, I'll make sure to remember all of it."

But the smile Blaine expected never came. Her eyes looked down, fingers fumbling with the corner of the paper and he slowly stood up sitting down next to her.

"Hey, what is it? Not happy about that?"

Emma shook her head, her hands resting together on her lap.

"It's not that. I just... don't want it to end. I like it here."

Blaine smiled, resting his hand on her head and stroking soothingly over her hair. Of course she was afraid, of course she wanted to live.

"I know. But we promised to not think about the end. I'm here to make you happy, to show you the life you always dreamed of."

"I know," she smiled weakly: "And I'm really grateful."

* * *

><p>Blaine's plan was to stay at Emma's side until the end. He planned to make her happy, to show her all things she had never seen, help her with everything she couldn't do alone. It was pretty simple. But his plan got crashed down when he found himself sitting in a Diner with singing people. Well, to be more specific, watching one person sing.<p>

There he stood, this pale boy with blue eyes, so bright, so beautiful that he couldn't even wrap his mind around them. The voice, so clear, so unique, forcing it's way right to his heart though Blaine tried to not let that happen. But it did, like a strong wave it washed over his heart. Even when they came back home he still couldn't stop thinking about this young man and Emma noticed it. Because if Blaine Anderson was something than he was never not paying attention in what he did or say.

"Blaine, the water," she said as they stood at the sink in the kitchen.

"Oh!" he exclaimed and shut it down before it could make it's way all over the counter.

"What is it? You are kind of away in your mind since we left the Diner."

"Uh... yeah. I guess I was just blown away by their performance."

That made Emma smile so hard that her eyes became small.

"Right? Elliott was really nice."

"He was, huh? He could be a good friend for you."

"Yeah... maybe. I mean we can go there, again?"

"Sure."

But Blaine was not so sure about that. His main focus was Emma, only her and everything else, friendship, feelings for someone were not an option for him. Any distraction was bad for him and Emma because she needed him more than anything right now and he couldn't stay in New York anyway. It actually surprised him that he could feel something for a person. That he could feel attraction to someone. Maybe, he was more human then he thought he was. This was not good. This was bad.

It got even worse when Blaine attended NYADA. The boy, Kurt was his name, was also a student at NYADA and Blaine couldn't help himself but think about him all day long. He mouthed Kurt's name when people didn't pay attention, he watched Kurt when no one else was watching, he wanted to talk to him and know everything. He wanted to know where he came from, what he liked and disliked, what his dreams, what color he loved. Blaine wanted to know everything and when he realized that, his mind screamed, no you can't.

He tried to ignore it, tried to not think about Kurt. It was pointless to start any kind of friendship with a person here. For him it was because he would disappear anyway. No matter if Emma died or survived, for Blaine both ways meant the same thing. He would disappear and go back to nothing, right where he came from. The need to cry was strong but he refused.

Singing class began and Blaine met Kurt again. It was like, whenever he saw him, was around him he forgot how wrong it was to think about him, to look at him and want him in a way he could never hold. He just wanted to show him how he felt, what this boy did to him. So he sang and regretted it when he was done.

* * *

><p>Blaine became friends with some people. Just simple friends. He never took anyone home, he never talked about private stuff. All he talked about was NYADA, music, things that were a safe topic. He also became friends with Elliott and Santana, both Kurt's friends and enjoyed the time with them. He listened whenever they talked about Kurt, listened when they did not talk about Kurt and figured, those guys would be amazing friends for Emma. He wanted her to have friends beside him but he was not sure if this was a smart idea. Kurt kept his distance which Blaine approved.<p>

But life, fate, or whatever it was had planned something else for him. He met Kurt at a coffee shop and paid for his coffee because he forgot his wallet. He still smiled and looked at Kurt whenever he saw him at NYADA and couldn't stop. It was driving him crazy whatever force pulled him closer to Kurt. Elliott told Blaine about their theater group, told them what they planned to do and Blaine decided, silently for himself, that he would join their group.

One, because it meant he could see Kurt, second, because it would make Emma happy. So he took her to the first meeting and when he saw Kurt all the voices screaming no, all his sanity trying to stop him were silenced by his heart.

Yet, Emma noticed how Blaine different Blaine was around those people, and when they were back home she waited for the right moment.

"Is something wrong, Blaine?" she asked, closing her book as they sat on the couch. Blaine pretended to watch something while she pretended to read.

"I think... I'm in love with someone."

"What? Really?"

Emma smiled, excited and happy and Blaine felt like crying all over again. Why was this happening to him when he was doomed to disappear anyway?

"You... don't seem happy though."

"Of course not," Blaine sighed. "It's pointless to feel that way for someone because I won't stay here for too long."

Emma said nothing and neither did Blaine.

"Blaine?"

"Hm?" he hummed and looked back to her.

"You told me that... you're here so I can live my life. That you're here to help me and be my friend and make memories. Don't you think you deserve the same? Enjoying life?"

"Emma... I'm... not like you. I came from nothing and will go back there. I... don't have twenty year old memories. I'm just here for you and then I'll go."

"Yeah, I know. But... you are still human, you still feel things. You are still... an individual. I think there is nothing wrong with, well, asking someone out or spent time with a person. As friends."

She did have a point, thought Blaine.

He needed to be close, needed to see him and hear him. If this was all he could get Blaine accepted it. Because this was okay, right? Only talking, watching and smiling. No one would get hurt. Not him, not Kurt. So he asked him out to drink some coffee together and listened to everything Kurt was willing to share with him. Blaine sucked it all in, the words, the voice and the blue/green eyes, which were the prettiest eyes he had ever seen.

Yep, Blaine was totally in love with this human being and it made him crazy.

* * *

><p>While Blaine tried again to ignore Kurt he soon failed.<p>

It felt like something else took control over his body. He bought Kurt coffee every morning, made little gifts, gave him smiles and looks but never came too close. He just wanted to see Kurt smile and he succeeded every time no matter what he gave Kurt. The smile was too beautiful and made him feel warm and happy whenever Kurt showed it. But Blaine always talked with other people, took care of Emma or practiced. It was fun, it was okay and totally harmless. He kept his distance, he thought.

All of this became unimportant when a new fear found its way into his short life. Eric, who thought it was a great idea to sing to Emma and make her laugh. Eric who obviously was interested in Emma and made no secret about that. Oh no, he wanted Emma to be happy, he wanted her to have friends but he didn't want her to die because some guy couldn't keep his cock inside his pants. He didn't want her to die because he didn't want to disappear.

So he called Eric out – when Emma gasped for air because her heart was rebelling - became rude and even overprotective. But he did all that to not think and realize again, that he didn't want to leave. This thought was cold, strong and hurt him in the worst way.

It got even worse. Kurt asked him out on a date and Blaine said no, clearly seeing how much he hurt him with his answer. Clearly seeing... that he was not the only one who felt a lot for this boy.

* * *

><p>Blaine didn't like the idea of vacation. He didn't like the fact that he was together with Kurt in the same house for several days. He didn't like that Eric was part of it either and always tried to get closer to Emma. It was all too much for him, but he tried to stay calm and wanted to follow his own words. Enjoying this time and make memories.<p>

Which was what he did most of the time. Only the evenings alone with Kurt on one room made him nervous. He knew he hurt Kurt, he knew they would eventually talk and he knew he had to lie. Blaine hated that because he didn't want to lie to Kurt. He didn't want to hurt him even more.

But it took one name and Blaine threw all his rules, all his intentions out of the window. Matt, a guy who could take Kurt away from him in a way Blaine wanted Kurt. One name and Blaine literally forgot where he came from, where he would go back. A new feeling began to burn inside him. Jealousy and impatience. So, he didn't think much when he danced with Kurt – who had been teasing him for a while – he didn't think much about how wrong it was to kiss Kurt, run back to the beach house with him and have sex. Blaine didn't think much but only that he needed this, wanted this, needed and wanted Kurt more than anything in his life.

One kiss broke him, one touch made him feel like he was on fire. Everything Kurt gave him and made him feel was so good, so much and all he needed. Only when they were calm, done Blaine slowly realized what actually had happened. No, he didn't want to think and asked Kurt to kiss him until they fell asleep.

* * *

><p>"It was wrong. It was a mistake. I shouldn't have done that." Blaine mumbled more to himself but Emma could still hear every word he said as he walked up and down the living room.<p>

"I'll hurt him... I don't want to hurt him."

"Blaine."

He still walked up and down, still kept his hands on his head and tried not to cry, not to yell. It was wrong, he knew it but he ignored it. It had been so easy to ignore it because Kurt was just everything. If Blaine had a soul, if he had been real he was sure that Kurt would have been his soul mate, the person he wanted to spent the rest of his life with. But the rest of his life were just some months and he couldn't do that to him. He deserved better, so much better.

But Blaine? Didn't he deserve the same? Didn't he also deserve the right to live and be happy? He was sure he did but...

"Blaine!"

Emma's voice, loud and clear finally snapped him out of his thoughts. More because she never became loud. Standing still he stared at her and listened for the first time since the night with Kurt.

"Maybe... we'll find a way to keep you here?"

"You mean, the stone?"

"Yeah. Maybe, if we wish together you could stay."

Blaine felt like the biggest idiot ever. Of course, the stone, the magic and his own magic. Maybe fate had mercy with him and he could stay. Only...

"No. No, Emma. I've promised to stay with you and I'll do that. I'm not supposed to exist at all so, no."

"Blaine, you... I already lived some years," she explained slowly, concern all over her face. "This vacation, everything that had happened since you came into my life is more than I've ever dreamed of to get. You don't have to... because of me."

Emma, she never wanted much, never asked for much. Even now she gave probably more than she was aware of. So he walked over to her, hugged her gently and whispered his thanks.

But when they tried, it didn't work.

* * *

><p>He avoided the theater group, avoided Kurt and threw himself back into his actual mission. Taking care of Emma and make sure she was happy. When he even failed at doing this Blaine felt just like the worst existing creature on this world. Her new medication made her weak, sleepy and it scared him. It scared him so much because her end meant his end.<p>

Yes, he began to think in a pretty selfish way and he felt shame. So much shame that even when Emma did better it never really left him. It was his new invisible best friend and his selfishness slapped him right in the face, alongside with his shame when he met Kurt again – because Emma wanted to see the theater group.

They talked. Well, Blaine tried to talk himself out of everything, tried to make Kurt understand that he couldn't be with him together. Reason after reason left his mouth, his heart crying when Kurt told him how he was already hurt by Blaine's actions. Then questions from Kurt Blaine couldn't answer. God, he felt horrible, so horrible that he wished he would have disappeared and Kurt just forgot about him.

Something else happened.

"_Blaine... listen."_

_Their eyes met and Kurt took a step closer._

"_Whatever it is you have to deal with... I just want you to know that you have Emma, that you have friends who will help you. And you have me. Whenever you need me, whatever you need."_

_Blaine relaxed a little bit, his eyes, his whole face going softer._

"_I don't know what it is that you can't tell me and you don't have to. I just... I'm sure we'll figure something out. We together will figure it out because... all of the things that had happened. All the feelings I feel... you feel."_

_Blaine smiled and showed Kurt that he was right. That they felt the same way for each other. He took this as a small victory and smiled back at Blaine._

"_I know we can handle it and figure it out. Whatever it is you have to deal with it can't be more precious or more important than what we found, don't you think?"_

From that moment on they were together and Blaine fell into this new world Kurt created for him. A world were he was alive, real and could stay at his side forever. A world were his soul found its home and love. A world he could do anything and be anyone. Kurt made it all possible for him with one look, one smile and he wanted to hold him, the realest thing in his life. That's why he hugged him whenever he could, cuddled with Kurt whenever he could. This was real and while others ran away from reality, he needed it.

But he still felt bad about the times he couldn't tell Kurt the truth.

So he did everything to make Kurt happy, to make him feel wanted and loved. Because that's what Blaine did, love him so much that it hurt.

There were many times he wanted to tell him the truth. Many moments he knew he didn't deserve Kurt who trusted him, wanted Blaine to trust him and probably imagined the same things Blaine dreamed about. A future together only that Blaine knew they would never become real.

When Kurt was not around he made it his mission to find a way so he didn't have to leave. That he would no longer be a wish, a dream but a real human being. He went from library to library, read book after book that was about magic and supernatural things. He spent nights searching in the internet for something.

But there was nothing. Absolutely nothing and when Emma and Eric became a couple he thought only one thing. Unfair. He was happy for her but it was just unfair, because Emma did have a chance to stay alive. Blaine did not.

Two months later, he lost it. All his frustration, all his desperation and need to find a solution were no longer things he could hold back. It began with one question from Emma.

"Did you find anything?"

"No," he mumbled, clearly not happy.

"I didn't either," Emma said with a sigh and sat down next to Blaine on the couch.

"This is pointless," Blaine huffed, closed his laptop and stood up. He was so angry, so frustrated that he had no idea what to do with himself.

"We'll find something just-"

"No, Emma! We won't!"

Blaine yelled and it actually felt good to let all of the things out he had been keeping inside him for so long. The shame and guilt when he couldn't tell Kurt the truth and lied. The nights he spent crying because he didn't find a solution again. The frustration because he wanted to stay and tell Kurt he loved him. But he couldn't and it was fucking unfair.

"We've been looking for a solution for two months and there is nothing! Absolutely nothing we can do! You wished me here, Emma. You did this and I have no idea how but you have to remember."

"But I don't know Blaine. I have no idea how I did it."

So that was it? He would just disappear and hurt Kurt? No, worst, he would break his heart, right?

"You started this, Emma! There must be a way!"

"I don't know, Blaine!"

Only then, when she yelled too, tears ran down her cheeks and heard the little gasps she made, Blaine realized what he had done. He hurried over, whispering how sorry he was, that, of course, it was not her fault and wrapped his arms gently around her to calm her down. No, it was not Emma's fault. It was his fault if he wanted to blame someone. Because he let it come this far.

* * *

><p>When Emma passed out Blaine was sure, that was it. It was over and he would disappear this instant. But Emma fought and he wanted her to fight for her life. He needed her alive with her sick heart so he could stay and be with the person he loved the most. It was selfish, so selfish that Blaine felt sick and the need to throw up. Especially when Kurt stood right next to him, took care of him because he thought Blaine was worried about Emma and only Emma.<p>

He was worried, of course, this girl was like a sister to him but his selfish thoughts were bigger and so wrong. He felt even more sick when the doctor let him inside Emma's room and the first thing she said was how sorry she was. Sorry because her dead meant Blaine's 'dead'. For the first time he truly wished to feel nothing. Nothing at all. No pain, no love, no guilt. He wanted to go back in time and change everything so Kurt wouldn't get hurt.

But Blaine couldn't do that so he sought for the only person who could make him feel better. Who could make this all better. Kurt. Each moment possible he spent in Kurt's arms and felt like crying. Not one tear fell. He accepted the fact that he couldn't stay here and tell Kurt how much he loved him and how much he wanted to spent the rest of his life with him.

He accepted his fate and decided to make the best of the time he had left. Create memories, good ones and then go, but not without an explanation. If he had to go he wanted Kurt to know the truth, the whole truth. But the miracle happened and Emma did get a new heart and Blaine became the person he was when he met her. Her guardian, the one responsible for her well being. Kurt was busy with final exams either.

Five days before Christmas Blaine went to NYADA and convinced them that he wanted to write the final exams as well. Not that he needed to but he needed something to do since Emma was doing better and better and needed him less and less. He was also sure that, if Kurt heard about that, that he would be proud. Blaine wanted Kurt to be proud about him and have a nice memory.

Soon it was March and time for Blaine to leave. He knew it, just like he knew that he was just a dream.

"Two days," he said on his last evening together with Emma. "I'll see Kurt tomorrow and then I'll be gone."

They were sitting in the living room, only the dim light from the little lamp burning as both stared anywhere but at each other.

"Will you tell him?" she asked.

"I will... I'll... go to his place and tell him when it's about to happen."

Silence filled the room but Blaine still felt and heard his heart. It was heavy, filled with guilt and sadness because he didn't want to leave but accepted it. They tried everything, read everything they could get, even asked people who are familiar with magic or think they are. Nothing, that was the result.

"I... have to admit something."

Emma then looked at Blaine and he felt his eyes beginning to burn. If he had to leave he wanted to be honest. Even to Emma. He wanted to leave her without a lie, just like Kurt.

"I... when I knew I love Kurt... most of the stuff I had done happened because of selfishness. I wanted you to be safe so I could stay longer and that was also the main reason why I said no to Eric."

Emma said nothing, just looked down to her hands.

"I'm sorry." Blaine said but did feel better.

"No... no, no... I understand. I... probably would have done the same thing if it meant to have more time with the person I love," she said slowly.

Of course she understood his reasons, of course she wouldn't be angry with him. Emma was not that person. That's probably why she got the chance to live and he did not. Because he became this horrible person with those horrible wishes and thoughts while she did not.

"Now you do. Now you have a long life ahead and I hope you'll enjoy it and never forget how precious life is."

"You too, okay?"

When their eyes met he saw the tears, saw them turning red and felt his own burning too. This was not just hard for him and would be for Kurt. It was also for her because Blaine had been the first person who became her friend, who cared and never let her down. Not even when he had all his selfish reasons to keep her alive. In the end, he always tried to do what was best for her.

"I'll miss you, Blaine." Emma sobbed and her whole body began to tremble slightly as tear after tear rand down her cheeks.

"I know." he smiled, pulling her closer so that her head was resting on his chest, her arms finding their way around him as the tears sank into his shirt. Soon his tears fell also.

They both started with a plan. A simple plan to make Emma happy and let her live her life for the first time. A plan that was not supposed to hurt anyone. But many things happened that were no part of their plan. Things people would have called life.

* * *

><p>The next night, when he and Kurt had sex he wanted it to be special. For Kurt to have a memory he could recall and smile about some day. That night, for the first time he was just honest, vulnerable and let Kurt see everything Blaine was. He didn't even lie when Kurt asked him if he still wanted to go to 'San Francisco'.<p>

"I don't want to." Blaine said honestly.

The next day, when Blaine woke up and was all alone in the apartment that used to be his home. For the first two hours he drank his last coffee, watched the people through his window and smiled. Even if he had to go there was one thing he had to admit to himself. The last year had been amazing, truly. He helped Emma, together they found friends and the worst scenario never happened. Emma did not die but got the chance for a new life. Blaine got the chance to experience love, to meet someone as amazing and unique as Kurt was. He felt so lucky that he wished, if he ever was reborn or whatever, that he would meet Kurt again and then stay at his side for many, many years. Then he wouldn't hurt Kurt so much as he was about to do.

He left the apartment with mixed feelings and headed to Kurt's place and when the door opened and this beautiful person smiled, Blaine felt the feelings inside him explode. Sadness, happiness, guilt and the desperate wish to stay here. He ignored it all, he didn't even kiss Kurt hello because then he knew he'd break into a million pieces. But he needed to tell him the truth, everything before his time was up and he felt it, the time he had became less and less.

As they sat down and Blaine began with the truth he felt all the weight fall from his heart, but also the pain coming back with full force. With each word that left his mouth he saw how Kurt understood what was happening, what Blaine was, but also how he refused to accept this was the truth. He apologized, over and over again, apologized for not being able to stay, for not being able to be the person Kurt deserved to be with, apologized for all the pain Kurt felt in that moment.

Then he heard the words he wanted to tell Kurt for so long. Words of his heart and soul that made everything clear and even more painful as it already had been. Love was strong, Blaine knew that. Love could do so much but it couldn't make him real, nor stay. So he just smiled, eyes glistening, never leaving the beautiful face he loved so much and opened his mouth to say it back.

He never got the chance to. But his last thought was exactly that and his last feeling was, love.


End file.
